Today's Chuckle

A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.


After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet.

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.

He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 percent certifiably, a dead duck.”

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$550!” she cried, “$550 just to tell me my duck is dead?!”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $550.”
 
bH0On6C.jpg
 
Two old Jewish men, Sid and Abe, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant.

Sid asks Abe, “Do you know if any people of our ancestry were ever born and raised in Mexico?"
Abe replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter arrives, Abe asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"

The waiter says, "I don't know senor, I ask the cooks.

He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, "No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."

Abe isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Gringos" replies, "I check once again, senor," and goes back into the kitchen.

While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere!"

The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook Manuel, he say there is no Mexican Jews."

"Are you certain?" Abe asks again. "I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!"

"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter.

"All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Apple Jews, but no Mexican Jews."
 
A couple were dining out together celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.

After the meal, the husband presented his wife romantically with a beautiful very old gold antique locket on a chain.

Amazingly when his wife opened the locket, a tiny fairy appeared.

Addressing the astonished couple, the fairy said, "Your forty years of devotion to each other has released me from this locket, and in return I can now grant you both one wish each - anything you want.."

Without hesitating, the wife asked, "Please, can I travel to the four corners of the world with my husband, as happy and in love as we've always been?"

The fairy waved her wand with a flourish, and magically there on the table were two first-class tickets for a round-the-world holiday.

Staggered, the couple looked at each other, unable to believe their luck.

"Your turn," said the fairy and the wife to the husband.

The husband thought for a few seconds, and then said, with a little guilt in his voice, "Forgive me, but to really enjoy that holiday of a lifetime - I yearn for a younger woman - so I wish that my wife could be thirty years younger than me."

Shocked, the fairy glanced at the wife, and with a knowing look in her eye, waved her wand.....

and the husband became ninety-three.

============================

An old lady had a hearing-aid fitted, hidden underneath her hair.

A week later she returned to the doctor for her check-up.

"It's wonderful - I can hear everything now," she reported very happily to the doctor.

"And is your family pleased too?" asked the doctor.

"Oh I haven't told them yet," said the old lady, "And I've changed my will twice already.."

============================

The story goes that a prominent, married, philandering, wealthy politician took advantage of a young female Italian translator during an overseas visit. Shortly after his return home he received a phone call at his office from the woman informing him that she was pregnant and that he was definitely the father.

Seemingly experienced at dealing with such situations, the politician instructed the young woman, "I will arrange for you and the child to be provided for. Do not worry about money. I will pay ten times the typical Italian settlement, but this must be kept secret."

"I see," said the young woman, a little taken aback, but since she knew the man and his reputation she was not unduly surprised, and was also entirely happy never to see or speak to him again.

He went on, "Don't ever call me again. Send me a postcard with some sort of coded message confirming date of birth, that the child is healthy and whether a boy or girl. Use your imagination - you are a translator after all."

"As you wish," said the young woman, and ended the call.

A little under nine months later the politician's wife (who was also his PA) was opening his mail. When she came to a particular postcard the politician noticed and suddenly became attentive.

"Here's a postcard..." said his wife.

"Oh yes," said the politician, "What does it say?"

"Just a silly joke I think," said his wife, continuing, as she watched the colour drain from her husband's face, "It says: 'March 12th - Just had three big beautiful bowls of spaghetti - all with meatballs..' "

================================

A little girl was watching her mother prepare a fish for dinner. Her mother cut the head and tail off the fish and then placed it into a baking pan. The little girl asked her mother why she cut the head and tail off the fish. Her mother thought for a while and then said, "I've always done it that way - that's how babicka (Czech for grandma) did it."

Not satisfied with the answer, the little girl went to visit her grandma to find out why she cut the head and tail off the fish before baking it.

Grandma thought for a while and replied, "I don't know. My mother always did it that way."

So the little girl and the grandma went to visit great grandma to find ask if she knew the answer.
Great grandma thought for a while and said, “Because my baking pan was too small to fit in the whole fish”.
 
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the each. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on he island for the rest of our lives".
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An our later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?" "No, sweetheart.” she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?”
"Oy, no I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says. "One last thing, Esther, did you remember to send a check for the Synagogue Building Fund this month?" he asks. "Oy, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther.
"I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest hug and kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you kiss me?"
Abe answers, "They'll find us."
 
Comments on love and sex

ATTRACTION... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

EASY... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be ‘playing hard to get’.

INTERESTING... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

SOBER... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
 
Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. Problem was, he really had no way of knowing which of his roosters was actually performing and whichwere ju st sitting it out.

One day, he had what he thought was a great idea: he would buy ten tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, sohe could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report just by listening to the bells.

After several rather noisy but presumably productive days, Fred noticed that the bell on Butch, his favorite and usually very active rooster, hadn't rung at all.

When Fred went to investigate, he found all the other roosters busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. But to his dismay, the pullets - now able to hearthe roosters coming - were running for cover!

Then he found Butch. And to Fred's amazement, Butch had taken his bell off and was carrying in his beak so it couldn't ring. Unlike the other roosters, who were flailing around but getting nowhere, Butch was able to sneak up on each pullet, do his job, and move on to the next one.

Fred was so proud of old Butch that he entered him in the local Farm Show. Overnight, Butch became a sensation among the area judges.

His fame continued to grow. Word spread to national and then international agricultural organizations. He was even on the cover of several prominent farming magazines. Butch was earning global fame!

And by the end of that year, in a lavish ceremony, Butch was not only awarded the "No Bell Piece Prize", he also won the coveted "Pullet Surprise."

What a great rooster!
 
JACK (age 3) was watching his mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DI (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple who were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"
 
An elderly gentleman
Thanks to Coach
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Two elderly gentlemen
from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

An elderly couple
had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great... I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

I love this one!
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged, however, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he, reluctantly, let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Couple in their nineties
are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

A senior citizen
said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

Three old guys
are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

A man was telling his neighbor,
'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty..'

Maurice , an 82 year-old man,
went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Maurice walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Maurice and said,
'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Maurice replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

And One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
 
Thanks Dick.

Here's one about Laws....

1) Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

2) Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3) Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

4) Cannon's Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

5) O'brien's Variation Law:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

6) BELL'S THEOREM:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

7) RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8) WILLOUGHBY'S LAW:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

9) ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10) BREDA'S RULE:
At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.

11) OWEN'S LAW:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold...!!!
 
♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?:

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

♦ I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “ Sag Harbor ”

♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

♦ I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
 
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your a--?
 
If Women Were Men


Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.
Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.
A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.
Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.
Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.
"Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.
Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.
Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.
Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks."
Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.
Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.
Men would learn phrases like: "I'm sorry," "I love you," "You're beautiful," "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit."
Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.
Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car.
All toilet seats would be nailed down.
Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.
TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute.
All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.
During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19-year-olds.
Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.
After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.
For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.
 
It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Center.*

*After the community sing-along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for
the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!*

*Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a
trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time," said
Claude.*

*The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew, from
his waistcoat pocket, a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.*

*"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the
watch high for all to see "It's a very special and valuable watch that has
been in my family for six generations," said Claude.*

*He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
"Watch the watch --- watch the watch ---- watch the watch"*

*The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.*

*The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming
surfaces.*

*A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently
swaying watch.*

*They were all hypnotised.*

*And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!! The beautiful watch fell to the
stage and burst apart on impact.*

*"SH--," shouted Claude.*

*It took them three days to completely clean up the Senior Citizens' Centre
and Claude was never invited back again.
 
At a wedding ceremony the pastor asked 'if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace'.


The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She stood up and started walking slowly towards the pastor.

Everything quickly turned to chaos.

The bride threw the bouquet and burst out crying.

Then slowly the groom's mother fainted.

The Best men started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.

The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us, why you came forward “What do you have to say?"

There was absolute silence in the church.

The woman replied, "We can't hear at the back."
 
A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her
recently deceased husband is published.

The Obit Editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word.

She pauses, reflects, and then she says, "Well then, let it read "Fred
Brown died."

Amazed at the Woman's thrift, the Editor tells her that there is also a
seven-word minimum for all obituaries.

She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, In that case, let it read,
"Fred Brown Died.... GOLF CLUBS FOR SALE
 
Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates , met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest,
It is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you.
I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast,
And we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone.
The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'

Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.
Life was a big enough test As it was.'

St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.


First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?


Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?


Third:
What is God's first name?'

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and
Says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,
Tell me your answers.'

Forrest replied, "Well the First one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'

The Saint's eyes opened wide and
He exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do
Have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit
For that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.

'How many seconds in a year ?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about That, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'

Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?
Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds In a year?'

Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '

'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter.
'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,
Though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give
You credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'?

'Sure,' Forrest replied,
'it's Andy.'

'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated
And frustrated St Peter .

'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions,
But just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song,

ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'
 
Top Bottom