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Thread: Today's Chuckle

  1. #461
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Darlington UK
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    Quote Originally Posted by Down Up Dick View Post
    OH NO! We’d better tell the King. Let’s go get Henny Penny!
    Has to google that one. Chicken Little!
    You don't stop playing when you get old. You get old when you stop playing

    Tanglewood TU13M concert called Kalea
    Brunswick BU4-B baritone called Kalua
    My facebook- http://www.facebook.com/lozzie.green

  2. #462
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    Tampa Bay, FL
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    Psychiatrist vs Bartender

    As a child, I always had a fear of someone under the bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him: I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”

    “Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink…. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.” “How much do you charge?” “One hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

    “I'll sleep on it,” I said.

    Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

    “Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.”

    “Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

    “He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”

    It’s always better to get a second opinion.
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  3. #463
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband...

    For example...
    A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
    She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

    Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
    "Hi Darling," he says, "Your parents have come to visit, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say ‘hello'?"
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  4. #464
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Tampa Bay, FL
    Posts
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    Two Cornish men, Jethro and Denzal, are having a drink and watching the football around at Jethro's house.

    At full time Denzal gets up to go home but finds that it is pouring down with torrential rain.

    "Stay the night here Denzal." says Jethro. No point in getting soaked. "I'll go and make up a bed for you."

    When Jethro comes back down the stairs he finds Denzal drenched to the bone.

    "What the hell happened to you?" Jethro asks.
    Denzal replies - "I went home for my pajamas."
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  5. #465
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    Tampa Bay, FL
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    A baboon is walking down the street with a primatologist. Another primatologist is walking toward them, and says,
    "Why are you walking with that ape."
    The 1st primatologist says,
    "Why, he isn't an ape, he's actually an old world monkey."
    The 2nd primatologist says,
    "I know that, I wasn't talking to you."
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  6. #466
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Darlington UK
    Posts
    561

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    Brilliant, on Darwin Day too!^
    You don't stop playing when you get old. You get old when you stop playing

    Tanglewood TU13M concert called Kalea
    Brunswick BU4-B baritone called Kalua
    My facebook- http://www.facebook.com/lozzie.green

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