Today's Chuckle

I'm sorry ksiegel, but I just don't get it! I've looked at the darned thing two or three times. Huh? :eek:ld:

You know what the bridge on a Banjo uke looks like? (Just like the kind you find on a 5-string banjo)..


Well, go look at the bridge on the banjo uke in the photograph...


-Kurt​
 
How do you know that the Bluegrass band is playing on a level stage?




The banjo player is drooling out of BOTH sides of his mouth.

(just in fun, banjo players. :) )
 
On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week,
whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year.
This is upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.
 
You know what the bridge on a Banjo uke looks like? (Just like the kind you find on a 5-string banjo)..


Well, go look at the bridge on the banjo uke in the photograph...

-Kurt​
I had a concertina once that had a Wheatstone Bridge
 
This guy brings his best golf buddy home unannounced for dinner at 6:30 after golf.

His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade...

"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a f%^&*ing mess, and the dishes aren't done.

Can't you see I'm still in my f@#$%ing pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!

Why the f!@#$ did you bring him home unannounced, you stupid idiot?"

..."Because he's thinking of getting married."
 
Well its solstice 2014.Very busy at the North Pole. Santa is suffering from SAD. Mrs Claus has PMS. There is so much UAS this year and so many uke requests that Santa has called on his Cousin Jesu to send some angels up to the pole to help. He gave them all White Christmas Cards so there would be no trouble with INS.

The cat has just domino'd a row of Christmas trees. They will do that you know. Santa is about to go ballistic. He sits down for a cup of Egg Nog when What to his wondering eyes should appear but an angel with a Christmas tree in her hand. "What do you want me to do with this Santa"

And that dear Virginia is why there is an angel on top of the Christmas tree.
 
Reindeer's Story at Christmas

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
 
Three deaf gentlemen were riding on a train in England when the conductor passed thru the car.
"Wembly", he sang out. "Next stop Wembly!"
"Wednesday?" said one of the gentlemen. "Is it Wednesday?"
"No," grunted the second. "It's Thursday."
"Hell," said the third, rising. "I'm thirsty too. Let's all go have a drink!"

/////Well, looks like one like this has already been posted. Tsk tsk--too late as usual///// :eek:ld:
 
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There once was a man named Stan
who played his Uke with e'lan.
-----He strummed and he strummed,
-----and his left foot he drummed.
While he played, people went to the can.

DUD :eek:ld:
 
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The Little Angel on the Top of the Christmas Tree!

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.
 
Mince pie and brandy ...now carefully being wiped off the monitor screen...thank you very much Nickie.......Spray it any way you like but that gag was
hilarious.....

Merry Christmas
 
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his dental diploma, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, i remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with the same name had been in my secondary school class some 30-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, i quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding, grey haired man with the deeply lined face was far too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, i asked him if he had attended morgan park secondary school ..

'yes, yes i did. I'm a morganner! 'he beamed with pride.

'when did you leave to go to college?' i asked

he answered, in 1965. Why do you ask?

'you were in my class!' i exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then the ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat assed, grey haired, decrepit, bastard asked..


'what did you teach?'
 
There once was a strummer named Sam,
who just didn't give a big Damn.
-----Merrily, he plunked in his car
-----for he wasn't going too far.
He didn't even notice the tram.

DUD :eek:ld:
 
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