::Leader Board:: Ahnko Honu Takes The Lead Chapter 22!

Pueo said:

So no other negative feedback from any clients - they have been asking around. Got one very enthusiastic positive from a client (and it was not the one who sent me the email the other day) so they are pretty much just going to say that it is an isolated incident and just not have me work with that particular client again.
Still bothers me though.
No idea why they would say that - I mean I cannot recall a specific incident.
Nanilei asked, "Was it a woman that complained?" and I said yes.
She said that I can be dismissive or make people (especially women) feel belittled or stupid. I really don't mean to, but apparently it happens to her sometimes still (and we've been together 23 years) and sometimes her sisters see it too.
I wish I could get a handle on that because I really have no intention of bruising anyone's feelings ever!
It has to do with correcting someone or explaining things - I think I am educating them, they feel I am calling them stupid or talking down to them.
I know it is a personality thing, because I have heard others say they love asking me about stuff because they learn things.
If I could read the other person better I could adjust my delivery.

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hoosierhiver said:

Well damn, my family is ruining Facebook for me (not my wife and son), but my siblings. I friended my oldest brother, which is cool, he accepts me and is smart, but then I got a friend request from his wife, still OK, then my other sister who can be a little preachy, now nieces and nephews have found me. I intentionally minimize my time with them because they are all pretty right wing and let fly the occasional black joke.

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Mim said:

Ok, my youngest daughter (adopted) her birth-father called and says he wants to see her.

Considering the fact he has not bothered to even try to contact us in 8 years, kept saying he would contact her and didn't when she was a baby and too young to understand, put her picture on myspace next to pornographic pictures and did not see why I had a problem, had 2 more kids since her that are now adopted through foster care because they were dealing drugs, and now says, "but I am taking care of my current kid'.

Ummm... nope. A big ol' bucket of nope!

She is old enough now to realize now when he says, 'I will call in 2 weeks' then he doesnt, when he says, 'I will send you something for your birthday' and then doesnt.

My child will not have a dead-beat birth dad. I am all about keeping things cool with her birthmom, but this is NOT happening! But for some reason makes me beyond pissed that he would even ask!

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Pueo said:

So no other negative feedback from any clients - they have been asking around. Got one very enthusiastic positive from a client (and it was not the one who sent me the email the other day) so they are pretty much just going to say that it is an isolated incident and just not have me work with that particular client again.
Still bothers me though.
No idea why they would say that - I mean I cannot recall a specific incident.
Nanilei asked, "Was it a woman that complained?" and I said yes.
She said that I can be dismissive or make people (especially women) feel belittled or stupid. I really don't mean to, but apparently it happens to her sometimes still (and we've been together 23 years) and sometimes her sisters see it too.
I wish I could get a handle on that because I really have no intention of bruising anyone's feelings ever!
It has to do with correcting someone or explaining things - I think I am educating them, they feel I am calling them stupid or talking down to them.
I know it is a personality thing, because I have heard others say they love asking me about stuff because they learn things.
If I could read the other person better I could adjust my delivery.

Click to expand...

hoosierhiver said:

Well damn, my family is ruining Facebook for me (not my wife and son), but my siblings. I friended my oldest brother, which is cool, he accepts me and is smart, but then I got a friend request from his wife, still OK, then my other sister who can be a little preachy, now nieces and nephews have found me. I intentionally minimize my time with them because they are all pretty right wing and let fly the occasional black joke.

Click to expand...

Pueo said:

So no other negative feedback from any clients - they have been asking around. Got one very enthusiastic positive from a client (and it was not the one who sent me the email the other day) so they are pretty much just going to say that it is an isolated incident and just not have me work with that particular client again.
Still bothers me though.
No idea why they would say that - I mean I cannot recall a specific incident.
Nanilei asked, "Was it a woman that complained?" and I said yes.
She said that I can be dismissive or make people (especially women) feel belittled or stupid. I really don't mean to, but apparently it happens to her sometimes still (and we've been together 23 years) and sometimes her sisters see it too.
I wish I could get a handle on that because I really have no intention of bruising anyone's feelings ever!
It has to do with correcting someone or explaining things - I think I am educating them, they feel I am calling them stupid or talking down to them.
I know it is a personality thing, because I have heard others say they love asking me about stuff because they learn things.
If I could read the other person better I could adjust my delivery.

Click to expand...

Pueo said:

HAhaha yup.
Try growing up with a single mom who built her own extremely successful Escrow business from scratch in the man's world of Real Estate in the 70's and 80's.
I am still very proud of her, but man sometimes it was a struggle to have someone to relate to with no dad around, and my brother (8 years older) who moved out as soon as he could. I pulled some real CRAP I tell you.

Peace to you Père, and Mrs. Père, I hope it passes swiftly.

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gyosh said:

I got squirrel'd

There was something shiny in my classroom that distracted me for a while.

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salukulady said:

Sometimes men talk down to women unknowingly because society feeds that habit and encourages it. When it happens, ask yourself, would I speak with a man this way?

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Freeda said:

I'm trying very hard to set some goals but man, do they get in the way of doing all the fun things. Sigh.

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Mim said:

Haha!

My goals are currently lifting oriented (not hard for me) controlling my eating (super hard for me). It gets in the way of my chocolate and cookie consumption!

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Pueo said:

You got a 5K sandwich though!

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Freeda said:

I'm trying to focus on growing my business and my ukulele club.

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Ukulelerob said:

So, do you have a different club/group of ukulele players now?

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gyosh said:

Do you have a hard time listening to her problems without trying to "fix" them?

I have a hard time with that one.

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hoosierhiver said:

I was once accused of something like that. A person asked directions to a group of us standing around, a woman was trying to explain it, but honestly wasn't doing a good job at it. I wanted to be helpful, but some dude (who was obviously trying to court favor with the woman) accused me of being sexist by interrupting. I did interrupt, but it wasn't about her being a woman, it was about me being too eager to help and her not being able to describe where he needed to go. I still find myself doing the same thing sometimes, but I do it to everyone, friends, strangers, men and women.

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