A Moral Dilemma

I really appreciate all of the responses. I'm about 60/40 leaning towards keeping the concert, but I'm going to give it a bit more time before I decide. And if I do decide to trade or sell + add some money, it would be for a KoAloha Tenor 100%.
 
What Mivo said.....
When I give a gift, I release it, totally. The receiver gets to do whatever he or she wants to do with it. I regretted giving away my UBass for a while, but now that we have another, and I never play it, I don't care.
I was given two ukes years ago, and had no desire to play either of them (a tenor and a bari) so I gave them to my bestie. My benefactor couldn't have cared less.
If you tell your benefactor the truth, it will set you free. Trite, yeah, but true. Just do what sets your heart free, don't live for other people. Never. It'll drive you nuts. Take it from me, the #1 people pleaser in the County.
 
keod said:
First, I want to applaud you for having this "moral dilemma" because it shows your deep appreciation for the helping hands dealt you and your love of the ukulele as an instrument for expression of your musical talent.

I think we all tend to attach sentiment to objects when, in fact, it is more about the feelings we got from using that object, from the joy we received (and gave) by using that object. I loved my first car, an old easy chair I bought at a flea market, a pair of shoes my mom gave me when she had nothing more to give.....but when I got much older LOL- I realized that it wasn't the "things" I loved but the memory of the feelings I had when I drove, sat in or wore those "things". Nothing can ever take that from me so when it was time to let these things go (because my preferences/needs had changed) well their was no guilt or shame. In fact it was a joy because I knew they were passed on to people who created loving memories of their own. And quite honestly I doubt that any of the folks instrumental in helping get or receive these items felt anything less for me having moved on. Almost all of us have found that our first instruments may not have been the best fit for us in terms of size, tone or appearance. It's a continual learning process.

Remember Kyle, you brought a lot of joy to people with that Koaloha- me for one throughout videos. You can continue to give that joy regardless of the instrument you use to deliver it. And the Koaloha can move onto someone else who will experience what you did when you first started out....and so the cycle goes. And you can reignite your passion for music playing with another uke that better fits your current needs.

I'm reminded about a recent forum discussion about a truly unique uke gifted by Wickedwahine (apologies for butchering her forum name).....passing that instrument on was the gift that kept on giving as it resulted in several folks making a dream uke possible for several others. I myself was helped out incredibly by a forum member (DownUpDave) to get a Loprinzi soprano that I know was hard for him to let go but I do know he felt good that it went to someone who loves it and plays it daily. Will I someday trade up to another uke- perhaps...and then the Loprinzi may move on to another player and I don't think Dave would feel any animosity -:).

Not everyone has the financial means to "gift" things - there is no shame in that or selling something to buy something similar but different. You might even find a forum member who wants to trade with you - double win.

All this to say....go ahead young man, trade/sell and buy for whatever best suits you "now"- without shame, guilt or remorse. You've done the Koaloha proud and nothing can take away the memories you have of that uke- the "stories" are still yours (you don't need the object in hand). Feed your musical creativity as that, I feel, is more precious.
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Oh, and BTW, keod, I absolutely adore your post!
 
knowing Pops and his staff..it probable was a Gift of Aloha from them to him...the OP was having problems with the uke that he bought from a UU member (i think) so he asked Ko"aloha if anything could be done for him.....
 
I was told not to give exact details, but I definitely didn't get it for free.
 
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DownUpDave said:
Whatever you do will be ok because it will be guided by your moral compass.
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Actually no this won't necessarily work. Your solution still involves an element of deceit. If he does this, i think he will still retain an element of bad conscience. He could be persuaded by some of you guys and this could be in conflict with his conscience. Eg just doing what he wants without any consultation or action with the people who gave it to him will undoubtedly leave him with a bad taste in his mouth until he gets some sort of feedback from those people.

I'm not saying what is right or wrong here. I'm just saying that trading or flogging the uke for something he prefers is not in keeping with his thoughts. If it was, he would not have needed to post. This is why i say the best thing to do is to face up to the people who gave it to him. This action will be the best for his conscience. You have to trust me on this. I've practiced this throughout my adult life and found this is the best way.

If he didn't have this feeling of duty in the first place, he could have gone ahead and done whatever he wanted without negative feelings. I am a firm believer in facing up to stuff when you make a mistake or anticipating a moral dilemma like this. This is the best road for a peaceful conscience.

Just to be clear, I am not for keeping it. I am for facing up to the giver who is likely to enable you to let it go in a guilt free way.
 
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Kyle23, the ukulele you are agonizing over definitely has a story behind it. I think that whatever you do, if you sell it, make sure it comes with a detailed document containing its history, how and when you acquired it and who helped you with it, etc. Whoever buys it can then be part of the ukulele's legacy. I have heard stories of people purchasing ukuleles with names, dates, ports of call, etc. that make the item more of a treasure. My 2¢ worth now, I would keep it. Sometimes you just need to get used to something slightly different than what you have before you realize just how much you love it. Good luck, I'm sure your conscience will be your best guide.
Joe
 
I saw that a previous poster referenced the KoAloha tenor that I gave away, so even though I was going to stay out of this, I guess I will add my two cents. Here is the thing, KoAloha gifted me with that ukulele. I no longer needed it, as they gave me a second one when I wrote the book about them. That gift was mine to do with as I wished, as is yours. But it did not sit right in my conscience to sell it, so I donated it instead. I saw someone mentioned being well off enough to give away a KoAloha, far from it, I am deeply in debt right now for some necessary car repairs that numbered in the thousands of dollars. I absolutely needed the money that ukulele would garner. But I never would have been able to live with myself if I had profited from their generosity.

As to the woman I gave my uke to, it is absolutely hers to do with as she wishes. I have no right to make her keep it, or even ask that I be told if she doesn't. It would not have been a gift if conditions had been placed upon it. That being said, I cannot lie. I would be deeply hurt if she had sold it or traded it for another ukulele. Again, I have no right to feel that way, but I would. Now admittedly, I am one person. A KoAloha does not mean the same thing to the people that make them every day, they are not disposable to them, but the Okamis certainly can gift many more KoAlohas than I can. So maybe they would not care at all.

I spent hundreds of hours interviewing them for that book, and they are generous to a fault. They are also deeply sentimental people as well. I cannot pretend to know how they would feel, I only know for ME, I would not feel comfortable doing anything without speaking to them. They even knew I was donating the uke they gave me, and while they approved, I had even been worried about hurting their feelings doing that.

I am sure you will do whatever is the right decision for you, and certainly keeping a uke you will not play makes little sense. I guess I would just reach out to them and see if they will maybe let you trade it up for a tenor, or even just tell them the concert doesn't fit you well but you are replacing it with a tenor. You certainly don't have to, but as long as you are asking for advice, that is mine.
 
wickedwahine11 said:
I saw that a previous poster referenced the KoAloha tenor that I gave away, so even though I was going to stay out of this, I guess I will add my two cents. Here is the thing, KoAloha gifted me with that ukulele. I no longer needed it, as they gave me a second one when I wrote the book about them. That gift was mine to do with as I wished, as is yours. But it did not sit right in my conscience to sell it, so I donated it instead. I saw someone mentioned being well off enough to give away a KoAloha, far from it, I am deeply in debt right now for some necessary car repairs that numbered in the thousands of dollars. I absolutely needed the money that ukulele would garner. But I never would have been able to live with myself if I had profited from their generosity.

As to the woman I gave my uke to, it is absolutely hers to do with as she wishes. I have no right to make her keep it, or even ask that I be told if she doesn't. It would not have been a gift if conditions had been placed upon it. That being said, I cannot lie. I would be deeply hurt if she had sold it or traded it for another ukulele. Again, I have no right to feel that way, but I would. Now admittedly, I am one person. A KoAloha does not mean the same thing to the people that make them every day, they are not disposable to them, but the Okamis certainly can gift many more KoAlohas than I can. So maybe they would not care at all.

I spent hundreds of hours interviewing them for that book, and they are generous to a fault. They are also deeply sentimental people as well. I cannot pretend to know how they would feel, I only know for ME, I would not feel comfortable doing anything without speaking to them. They even knew I was donating the uke they gave me, and while they approved, I had even been worried about hurting their feelings doing that.

I am sure you will do whatever is the right decision for you, and certainly keeping a uke you will not play makes little sense. I guess I would just reach out to them and see if they will maybe let you trade it up for a tenor, or even just tell them the concert doesn't fit you well but you are replacing it with a tenor. You certainly don't have to, but as long as you are asking for advice, that is mine.
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You are actually one of the people I felt ashamed to have know that this was a dilemma for me. I can't remember if it was you, but did you sell or trade a uke that they gave you and they gave you another one for writing the book? Did you regret doing that? I'm sorry if that came off confrontational, that wasn't my intentions, but I don't exactly know how to word it. The scale has been tipping all day towards me keeping it though. I was at 60/40 earlier and it's more like 80/20 now. I've been playing it for about 6 hours since I got home from work and I went through my old thread of when I got it along with watching my unboxing video, and I really can't see myself getting rid of it.
 
Kyle23 said:
You are actually one of the people I felt ashamed to have know that this was a dilemma for me. I can't remember if it was you, but did you sell or trade a uke that they gave you and they gave you another one for writing the book? Did you regret doing that? I'm sorry if that came off confrontational, that wasn't my intentions, but I don't exactly know how to word it. The scale has been tipping all day towards me keeping it though. I was at 60/40 earlier and it's more like 80/20 now. I've been playing it for about 6 hours since I got home from work and I went through my old thread of when I got it along with watching my unboxing video, and I really can't see myself getting rid of it.
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No, I specifically did NOT sell or trade it. I gifted it to a random person. I asked people to nominate someone they thought deserved a KoAloha but could not afford a KoAloha. As I said, I needed the money but could not look myself in the mirror if I made money off it, no matter how much that money was or how bad I needed it.

But our situations are a little different. Mine was an outright gift, so I could not morally accept money in exchange for it. And you should not feel ashamed at all, definitely not because of me, not at all.
 
wickedwahine11 said:
No, I specifically did NOT sell or trade it. I gifted it to a random person. I asked people to nominate someone they thought deserved a KoAloha but could not afford a KoAloha. As I said, I needed the money but could not look myself in the mirror if I made money off it, no matter how much that money was or how bad I needed it.

But our situations are a little different. Mine was an outright gift, so I could not morally accept money in exchange for it. And you should not feel ashamed at all, definitely not because of me, not at all.
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My mistake, you sold a KoAloha that you bought and then Pops gifted you one after. I had to go back and find the thread. Sorry about that. I remember the one you gifted, I was just thinking of the thread you made a little while back.

But yeah I would never even think of selling it and the only way I could really even think of letting it go is if the deal was a straight up swap (plus some $$ if need be) for another KoAloha. It was just a thought and I most likely won't be doing it.
 
AndieZ said:
Actually no this won't necessarily work. Your solution still involves an element of deceit. If he does this, i think he will still retain an element of bad conscience. He could be persuaded by some of you guys and this could be in conflict with his conscience. Eg just doing what he wants without any consultation or action with the people who gave it to him will undoubtedly leave him with a bad taste in his mouth until he gets some sort of feedback from those people.

I'm not saying what is right or wrong here. I'm just saying that trading or flogging the uke for something he prefers is not in keeping with his thoughts. If it was, he would not have needed to post. This is why i say the best thing to do is to face up to the people who gave it to him. This action will be the best for his conscience. You have to trust me on this. I've practiced this throughout my adult life and found this is the best way.

If he didn't have this feeling of duty in the first place, he could have gone ahead and done whatever he wanted without negative feelings. I am a firm believer in facing up to stuff when you make a mistake or anticipating a moral dilemma like this. This is the best road for a peaceful conscience.

Just to be clear, I am not for keeping it. I am for facing up to the giver who is likely to enable you to let it go in a guilt free way.
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You have your opinion and that is all it is. "Just to be clear" this is your opinion and your opinion only. Do not tell me or "the others" what to think or how to act.

You have the nerve to say my solution has an element of deceit by me telling him to do what he wants without consulting those that gave it to him.

Well I am one of those parties. I gave him the money needed to make this happen. I did this in secret and asked Kyle to not tell anyone. But now that you have attacked my morals and wrote a long sermon about how you have a superior way of living life and I have to "trust you on this". I now have to break this secret and that pisses me off. I gave him my blessing to do what he wants to do. Myself and Koaloha are the only two parties that have an actual say in this.
 
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wickedwahine11 said:
I saw that a previous poster referenced the KoAloha tenor that I gave away.......
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My sincerest apologies. I did not mean to imply that you were well enough off to gift a KoAloha as I knew that was not the case. In my own inept way I was just trying to point out that your generosity was amazing and had a trickle down effect that brought much joy to many people- that those who benefit from generosity and then pass that generosity on are, well, truly special folks. I was also trying though to convey to Kyle that it was also understandable if finances had to play a larger (or smaller) driver in his decision. My comments were clearly "offside" and I should have kept them to myself or at best worded them with much more sensitivity. Your advice was much more "on point". Again I am truly sorry.
 
DownUpDave said:
You have your opinion and that is all it is. "Just to be clear" this is your opinion and your opinion only. Do not tell me or "the others" what to think or how to act.

You have the nerve to say my solution has an element of deceit by me telling him to do what he wants without consulting those that gave it to him.

Well I am one of those parties. I gave him the money needed to make this happen. I did this in secret and asked Kyle to not tell anyone. But now that you have attacked my morals and wrote a long sermon about how you have a superior way of living life and I have to "trust you on this". I now have to break this secret and that pisses me off. I gave him my blessing to do what he wants to do. Myself and Koaloha are the only two parties that have an actual say in this.
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OMG Dave you are touchy. I wasn't attacking you at all.

All I was suggesting was that was wrong with your proposal was that just becuase he has a moral compass, this does not automatically mean he would follow through with what it would dictate but your comment suggested that it would. Given that i had no idea of your involvement, this is a completely rational objection to make with no reflection on your ethics. Even if you weren't involved, its still not an attack on your ethics but more a challenge to your reasoning.

So no I don't have a nerve. You've got a nerve to assume I should have known of your involvment and temper my post accordingly. Sheesh!

Numerous people on the thread suggested he do what he wants with the uke. I was not attacking their morals either by suggesting he don't follow their recommendation. My suggestion was intended to bring him peace of mind, not get the hackles up of others.

My recommendation was to act according to his conscience which is somehow to take is problem to the people who gave it to him. Ignoring his conscience means doing what he wants rather tackle the thing directly. Of course I could have no idea about your involvement and you had no need to out yourself based on my post.
 
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I don't know the background, and I don't know pops.

But if I made a uke, I would want it to be played and people to be happy.
If someone was not happy with it, I would want them to get something they like. Why would I want someone to be unhappy?

And if that means that it gets traded sold to someone that will enjoy and play it, that's great.
Being egotistical is not what uke is about, and there's no aloha in a grudge.
 
Kyle, the simplest solution is to call Koaloha and most likely you'll end up talking to Pops, as he has been the one to answer the phone the few times I've called. It's worth it alone to talk to him because he will probably go on a tangent and talk about his life and his dreams and goals for the future which I think is super cute.

But seriously just call the guy and be honest with him, I believe he will respect you for taking the time to talk to him. He may say just trade or sell the thing, but who knows? Maybe he can take back your concert and allow you to exchange it for a tenor with some additional cost.

I don't know your situation, but I have been the beneficiary of the koaloha spirit as well. I don't see myself having to or wanting to unload my tenor currently, but if I was in that situation, the first thing I would do would be to call Pops, or even talk to Griz or Brian as they were more the ones that assisted me.

I think the one thing we can all agree on in this thread is the awesomeness of the Koaloha Krew and you should not be fearful to talk to them, those guys are really laid back and cool and are so giving of their time and resources they would respect a nice conversation.
 
keod said:
My sincerest apologies. I did not mean to imply that you were well enough off to gift a KoAloha as I knew that was not the case. In my own inept way I was just trying to point out that your generosity was amazing and had a trickle down effect that brought much joy to many people- that those who benefit from generosity and then pass that generosity on are, well, truly special folks. I was also trying though to convey to Kyle that it was also understandable if finances had to play a larger (or smaller) driver in his decision. My comments were clearly "offside" and I should have kept them to myself or at best worded them with much more sensitivity. Your advice was much more "on point". Again I am truly sorry.
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Oh no, you have nothing to apologize for! :) Nothing at all, I just wanted to clear up any potential misconception about me. I wish I were rich, but I used to be when I was a lawyer. Now that I am just an editor at a small publishing company, I am far from it. Sorry for the hijack Kyle.
 
Don't worry about the hijack. I like a bunch of conversations in my topic. Means it got a few people to think. So after spending a few days of quality time with my KoAloha, I'm definitely keeping it. I fell in quite a rut and wasn't really playing the uke at all these past few months. It didn't take me long to get used to the neck at all. I jammed along to a few youtube videos tonight, which I never do and it was the most fun I've had in a longggggg time on the ukulele.
 
Kyle23 said:
So after spending a few days of quality time with my KoAloha, I'm definitely keeping it. I fell in quite a rut and wasn't really playing the uke at all these past few months.
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I think spending more time with a uke that you're unsure about is generally a good thing, if only to have more data to make an informed decision. One of my best ukuleles, the Barron River tenor, taught me that sometimes it just takes time to get really on with an instrument. When I got it over a year ago, I was impressed by its beauty, the sound when plucked, and the high level of craftsmanship. It was a dream ukulele, but I couldn't warm up to the tenor size, the tension, the overall feel.

So I contemplated selling it, but held onto it. It sat in its case unplayed for months, until I tried different strings on it and a wound low-G. I had tried an unwound low-G before and it didn't work for me, which had convinced me that this would never work out. But it did, and now that uke is my favorite instrument that I play daily, and whose sound and feel I love above all others. But it took time, and now I am so glad I didn't let it go when the thought had crossed my mind.
 
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