Increasing playing confidence

JeLeh · Feb 22, 2017

Does anyone have tips for increasing self-confidence when playing with or in front of other people? I am used to playing by myself or with my husband, but have recently started a beginners’ group to introduce friends to the ukulele. I’ve given all the instruction I can and now that it’s time to start playing a bit, I’ve discovered I get a little performance anxiety. This isn’t unexpected as I always experienced this when I was a junior high and high school band student. I never conquered it then, but would like to move beyond it now. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what tips or techniques did you used to help yourself? I also have members in my group who can really benefit from this. Thanks for any advice!

Debussychopin · Feb 22, 2017

This is a great topic one that I have pondered over and discussed on other forums as well. I play piano and have to play in front of class on a weekly basis and the occasional recital in front of public, for three years I have been taking this class and still cannot get over or rid of performance anxiety. It really taxes the piano player more so due to many factors but I'll just say that it isn't about beating anxiety but rather accepting it and using it as part of a mutualisitic relationship, and about the FULL preparation of your work.

Also another key is , knowing how it feels and how to deal with full crash and burn , scenarios where you 'fail' so to speak. I have gone through that several times and in hindsight it isn't too bad at all. And I can use it to my advantage to make something entertaining for audience as well and show a bit of who I am as a person, not only as a musician at that moment. So I don't really fear the crash and burn any more. But I do still have performance anxiety.

RichM · Feb 22, 2017

I find playing in a group of people helps a lot-- that is, playing along with the group, rather than leading it. It attunes you to playing in the presence of other people, without the pressure of being "on" all the time. As the group becomes more familiar with each other, some of that may subside-- reinforce that none of us is perfect and we all make mistakes, so that's okay.

I would also focus on some things that can really ruin the group experience:

1. Everybody should have an electronic tuner, or one should be available to those without. Take a break every few songs and everyone tunes up, even those who think they are in tune.
2. Consider having the group play to a metronome, so everyone can stay in time. I've also found that a bassist or a banjo uke player can help provide the reference for staying in time-- but they have to be good at it!

I'm sure you'll get a lot of tips and techniques, but I think those tend to be unique to each person; I've found the only real way to overcome performance anxiety is to build your own confidence in your performance. If that means keeping it simple or playing quietly until you feel ready, then that's okay.

I used to be very nervous about my playing, and embarrassed by my poor singing voice. Now I lead songs in my acoustic music group and sing at the top of my lungs. If you want to be perfect, practice 12 hours a day every day. If you want to have fun, play loud and sing louder.

EDW · Feb 22, 2017

Well, as you know, part of it is the more you play, the easier it gets. In addition, you can practice some controlled breathing exercises to slow down your system as you feel the anxiety ramping up. Try to focus on the positives, remembering that everyone who is listening is there to support you. Focus on what you do well and what you have to offer, not on "what if I mess up?". The better prepared you are the less likelihood of a stumble. Even so, focus on what you are doing, not about external pressures (which you have likely created) Enjoy the experience and be able to laugh at yourself if you stumble. It happens to everyone.

Rllink · Feb 22, 2017

I think that I have realized that thinking about getting up in front of people and performing is worse than actually doing it. So I try hard not to think about it too much before hand. I like to do open mic, but open mic still scares the heck out of me. Especially if I sit there and worry about it while I wait. Instead, I try to really listen and enjoy the people before me, and after me for that matter. I don't think about it until my name is called to go up. I also do some coffee shop gigs with another musician. In that case I again try not to think about it. I busy myself with setting up equipment. If we get everything set up early, I get something to drink, go outside and I think about something else. Or I find someone to talk to. And when it is time to start, I start. I don't spend any time thinking about starting. After I get started it seems to take on a life of its own and I don't worry about it at all. Busking for me has to be the hardest. It is hard to get going on a street corner with people coming by. I just start as soon as I get set up. I don't wait for everything to be just right, because it won't. If I do wait, I just get a case of the jitters. So that is my experience. When I started out, I would not sing in front of my wife inside our house.

Of course, knowing your songs really well is important, but even so, that doesn't alleviate that anxiety. One thing is that I'm not a perfectionist, and I don't set myself up for failure by setting expectations for myself so high that I make it impossible to succeed. I went out and did my first coffee house gig with the other musician way before I would have thought that I was ready. I did not realize what I had gotten myself into until it was too late to back out. That is a story in itself. But am both lucky and glad that it happened because it was a turning point for me. I also do not compare myself to other performers. I never think that I can't go up there because someone else is better. There is always going to be someone better than me. All I can do is be as good as I am. If one waits until they think that they are ready, it won't happen. So I suggest that if someone has a couple of songs that they can get through pretty well, just go to an open mic somewhere, sign up, and when it comes time to get up there give it everything you have. You will surprise yourself.

kypfer · Feb 22, 2017

It's been a while ... but I used to practice into a tape recorder (1/4" reel-to-reel!). When I was happy to listen to the performance and enjoy it I figured others might like it too ... seemed to work

YMMV :music:

Doug W · Feb 22, 2017

JeLeh said:
Does anyone have tips for increasing self-confidence when playing with or in front of other people? I am used to playing by myself or with my husband, but have recently started a beginners’ group to introduce friends to the ukulele. I’ve given all the instruction I can and now that it’s time to start playing a bit, I’ve discovered I get a little performance anxiety. This isn’t unexpected as I always experienced this when I was a junior high and high school band student. I never conquered it then, but would like to move beyond it now. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what tips or techniques did you used to help yourself? I also have members in my group who can really benefit from this. Thanks for any advice!

I think that RichM's idea of mandatory tuning breaks is great. Some people notice when they are out of tune but there are some ukers who may even be great singers but can't hear it when their instrument is a half step south of the border.

With your group, you can have some people playing chords, some people figuring out simple melodies, and give yourself and others short solos of both singing and playing. The group should be a safe place to make mistakes. A keyboard player who used to play with us and compose music had a motto: Dare to Suck!!!

niwenomian · Feb 23, 2017

A timely discussion, I've recently gone through something similar. My teacher has asked me to send recordings in order to evaluate progress on the songs we are working on. When I try to play something correctly, it falls apart. The harder I try, the worse it gets. When I "just play" it flows. The psychology is different with the mike on as opposed to simply practicing, as I can only guess it would be if you were in front of an audience. With an audience though, you can't hit stop and do another take.

I ran across this website, bulletproofmusician.com, and have enjoyed and benefitted from the discussions on musical performance.

Griffis · Feb 23, 2017

Take a bunch of beta blockers!

Seriously though, some great advice here. I played in bands from the early 80s. Always loved it, had a blast, no butterflies.

But first time I performed solo I realized it was nothing but anxiety. I rushed songs, made a lot of errors...tuns out I feel I need someone else (or several someones) to play with, play off of...

It was just stressful being up there alone, the sole center of attention, nobody to cover mistakes...

The only things that ultimately helped me were practicing (both solo performance as well as repertoire) and getting older. Just age has got me to the point where I just don't care what anyone thinks anymore.

Now that I've written this, I don't think it's much help. Sorry.

Debussychopin · Feb 23, 2017

niwenomian said:
A timely discussion, I've recently gone through something similar. My teacher has asked me to send recordings in order to evaluate progress on the songs we are working on. When I try to play something correctly, it falls apart. The harder I try, the worse it gets. When I "just play" it flows. The psychology is different with the mike on as opposed to simply practicing, as I can only guess it would be if you were in front of an audience. With an audience though, you can't hit stop and do another take.

I ran across this website, bulletproofmusician.com, and have enjoyed and benefitted from the discussions on musical performance.

I read that whole site couple years ago I recommend it as well. He has ton of good perspectives. It really comes down to yourself at the moment of performance though. Preparation is trump card

JeLeh · Feb 23, 2017

That is true that you can't really beat anxiety, but instead have to work with it. I should have chosen my words more carefully. And you're right - the experience of "fails" is an important part of the journey. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

Debussychopin said:
This is a great topic one that I have pondered over and discussed on other forums as well. I play piano and have to play in front of class on a weekly basis and the occasional recital in front of public, for three years I have been taking this class and still cannot get over or rid of performance anxiety. It really taxes the piano player more so due to many factors but I'll just say that it isn't about beating anxiety but rather accepting it and using it as part of a mutualisitic relationship, and about the FULL preparation of your work.

Also another key is , knowing how it feels and how to deal with full crash and burn , scenarios where you 'fail' so to speak. I have gone through that several times and in hindsight it isn't too bad at all. And I can use it to my advantage to make something entertaining for audience as well and show a bit of who I am as a person, not only as a musician at that moment. So I don't really fear the crash and burn any more. But I do still have performance anxiety.

JeLeh · Feb 23, 2017

I do plan to start out by having this group play together as much as possible in the beginning - mostly to help me ease into it as the so-called leader!

Since this is the only group in my area that I know of, I'm practicing playing along with videos in lieu of practicing with another live group. It's so much different than playing solo!

Thank you for the tips for a better group experience! I do intend to take tuning breaks, and I am working on teaching myself to play with a metronome so I can confidently introduce it to the group. I know - it's bad that I haven't already been doing that. It always just stressed me out and so I avoided it. The whole experience of collecting all of the beginner material and learning how to teach it somewhat has been pretty beneficial for me as well. I either missed a lot of this when I started, or it wasn't created yet.

I love your advice about have fun, play loud, and sing louder! It truly embodies the ukulele spirit

RichM said:
I find playing in a group of people helps a lot-- that is, playing along with the group, rather than leading it. It attunes you to playing in the presence of other people, without the pressure of being "on" all the time. As the group becomes more familiar with each other, some of that may subside-- reinforce that none of us is perfect and we all make mistakes, so that's okay.

I would also focus on some things that can really ruin the group experience:

1. Everybody should have an electronic tuner, or one should be available to those without. Take a break every few songs and everyone tunes up, even those who think they are in tune.
2. Consider having the group play to a metronome, so everyone can stay in time. I've also found that a bassist or a banjo uke player can help provide the reference for staying in time-- but they have to be good at it!

I'm sure you'll get a lot of tips and techniques, but I think those tend to be unique to each person; I've found the only real way to overcome performance anxiety is to build your own confidence in your performance. If that means keeping it simple or playing quietly until you feel ready, then that's okay.

I used to be very nervous about my playing, and embarrassed by my poor singing voice. Now I lead songs in my acoustic music group and sing at the top of my lungs. If you want to be perfect, practice 12 hours a day every day. If you want to have fun, play loud and sing louder.

JeLeh · Feb 23, 2017

I do try to incorporate breathing exercises as a way to deal with normal life, and it really helps! I will try harder to focus on the positives though as I find it too easy to ruminate on the negatives. Maybe this whole experience will help my overall well-being and outlook

And yes, laughter is always an important component of any enjoyable experience. Thanks!

EDW said:
Well, as you know, part of it is the more you play, the easier it gets. In addition, you can practice some controlled breathing exercises to slow down your system as you feel the anxiety ramping up. Try to focus on the positives, remembering that everyone who is listening is there to support you. Focus on what you do well and what you have to offer, not on "what if I mess up?". The better prepared you are the less likelihood of a stumble. Even so, focus on what you are doing, not about external pressures (which you have likely created) Enjoy the experience and be able to laugh at yourself if you stumble. It happens to everyone.

JeLeh · Feb 23, 2017

That's so true that the worry before the event is often the worst part. I've noticed that when I've had to give presentations for work. I'll create a list of set-up things to do to occupy myself beforehand.

I also am working on being less of a perfectionist. I know that isn't a realistic goal and I will always fall short. You're definitely right about not waiting until you think you're ready to begin an endeavor. That's part of the reason I finally went ahead and started this group. I wanted to do it for months, but was always too afraid to actually put myself out there and start it. I decided to finally go for it with the start of the new year, and I'm glad I did though it still obviously gives my nerves a workout!

Rllink said:
I think that I have realized that thinking about getting up in front of people and performing is worse than actually doing it. So I try hard not to think about it too much before hand. I like to do open mic, but open mic still scares the heck out of me. Especially if I sit there and worry about it while I wait. Instead, I try to really listen and enjoy the people before me, and after me for that matter. I don't think about it until my name is called to go up. I also do some coffee shop gigs with another musician. In that case I again try not to think about it. I busy myself with setting up equipment. If we get everything set up early, I get something to drink, go outside and I think about something else. Or I find someone to talk to. And when it is time to start, I start. I don't spend any time thinking about starting. After I get started it seems to take on a life of its own and I don't worry about it at all. Busking for me has to be the hardest. It is hard to get going on a street corner with people coming by. I just start as soon as I get set up. I don't wait for everything to be just right, because it won't. If I do wait, I just get a case of the jitters. So that is my experience. When I started out, I would not sing in front of my wife inside our house.

Of course, knowing your songs really well is important, but even so, that doesn't alleviate that anxiety. One thing is that I'm not a perfectionist, and I don't set myself up for failure by setting expectations for myself so high that I make it impossible to succeed. I went out and did my first coffee house gig with the other musician way before I would have thought that I was ready. I did not realize what I had gotten myself into until it was too late to back out. That is a story in itself. But am both lucky and glad that it happened because it was a turning point for me. I also do not compare myself to other performers. I never think that I can't go up there because someone else is better. There is always going to be someone better than me. All I can do is be as good as I am. If one waits until they think that they are ready, it won't happen. So I suggest that if someone has a couple of songs that they can get through pretty well, just go to an open mic somewhere, sign up, and when it comes time to get up there give it everything you have. You will surprise yourself.

JeLeh · Feb 23, 2017

I do plan to practice recording myself with a digital audio recorder. I've made some attempts but find that I almost totally freeze up when I start recording. So, obviously I have some work to do, but I will commit to recording (and listening to) myself more. Thanks!

kypfer said:
It's been a while ... but I used to practice into a tape recorder (1/4" reel-to-reel!). When I was happy to listen to the performance and enjoy it I figured others might like it too ... seemed to work

YMMV :music:

JeLeh · Feb 23, 2017

Haha, dare to suck! I love it! I may have to borrow that for our group motto

Doug W said:
I think that RichM's idea of mandatory tuning breaks is great. Some people notice when they are out of tune but there are some ukers who may even be great singers but can't hear it when their instrument is a half step south of the border.

With your group, you can have some people playing chords, some people figuring out simple melodies, and give yourself and others short solos of both singing and playing. The group should be a safe place to make mistakes. A keyboard player who used to play with us and compose music had a motto: Dare to Suck!!!

JeLeh · Feb 23, 2017

I'll definitely check out that website. Thanks!

niwenomian said:
A timely discussion, I've recently gone through something similar. My teacher has asked me to send recordings in order to evaluate progress on the songs we are working on. When I try to play something correctly, it falls apart. The harder I try, the worse it gets. When I "just play" it flows. The psychology is different with the mike on as opposed to simply practicing, as I can only guess it would be if you were in front of an audience. With an audience though, you can't hit stop and do another take.

I ran across this website, bulletproofmusician.com, and have enjoyed and benefitted from the discussions on musical performance.

JeLeh · Feb 23, 2017

Lol, I've heard great things about beta blockers, but alas have none. I think you are right about age. Though I don't consider myself confident, I'm definitely more confident and comfortable in my skin than I was in high school, so hopefully that will continue. And practice can't hurt either!

Griffis said:
Take a bunch of beta blockers!

Seriously though, some great advice here. I played in bands from the early 80s. Always loved it, had a blast, no butterflies.

But first time I performed solo I realized it was nothing but anxiety. I rushed songs, made a lot of errors...tuns out I feel I need someone else (or several someones) to play with, play off of...

It was just stressful being up there alone, the sole center of attention, nobody to cover mistakes...

The only things that ultimately helped me were practicing (both solo performance as well as repertoire) and getting older. Just age has got me to the point where I just don't care what anyone thinks anymore.

Now that I've written this, I don't think it's much help. Sorry.

lelouden · Feb 23, 2017

I wish I would have seen this thread before my last nights crash and burn. It was the first time performing in front of a group in 30 years and the first time ever alone. There is something to be said of the security having others next to you brings.

I went thinking I would be last. Walked in the door and they said your up first. My heart rate flew right out of my chest and before I could get control of it I was up in front. I did learn some things through the experience. You know they say the more you do it the easier it gets and that it makes you better. Not sure I believe that after last night. LoL

Tune up - even if that means your tuning while they are introducing you.....and I did.
Breath- I realized I was out of breath through most my songs due to my pounding heart rate. Breathing took a conscious effort.
Audience participation - I did this with some songs and I was most relaxed during those numbers.
Prepare and practice - Someone gave me the advice to practice the song so much that I was in auto pilot. Great advice! I was so prepared I could play the songs backwards on a good day. However, I did choke. I didn't fall off the horse but I did stutter. If I hadn't been so prepared I would have fallen right out of the saddle.
Play right through your mistakes - as if it didn't happen and if you see that someone noticed just keep smiling.
Believe - Believe in yourself and believe it when others tell you you were great. That second statement for me is really hard to do but looking back I could see they were having a better time than I was. LoL

I am my worst critic. I wish I had recorded the whole thing because I sort of lost my mind and went numb. When that happens your really can't remember the performance. My thinking is that maybe it wasnt as bad as I thought and if I could listen back I could relax about it. For some maybe that would be a terrible idea. IDK, its so personal but I do know that recording and listening back is a valuable practice.

I commend you on leading a group. There are no groups near me either. Ive been told it is a lot of work so have fun with it

bunnyf · Feb 23, 2017

I've led uke groups and play in several uke and mixed instrument jams as well as play solo, like open mics. In the beginning I was quite nervous and can get a bit nervous even now, after playing for 5 years or so. It certainly does get better though. For me, it was a matter of successive approximation. I started just playing alone, then where family could hear me, then where they could also see me but where they are not just sitting and staring at me. Then I got comfortable with the idea of them paying a bit more attention. Next I ventured out to local uke groups and just participated as part of the throng...no pressure. Soon, I found that I could lead a song of my choice, something easy to play and singable. Eventually, I was playing harder things, in increasingly more public settings. Step by step, I got to the point where I can fairly comfortably perform solo.
Still, I find that practice is key. Never perform a song in public that you are only marginally proficient on. Start being performing dead-easy songs. Nothing alleviates nerves more than preparation. Pick songs you love, that really suit your voice. I can't stress enough how important it is to be certain that you are in a key that is good for you and remember it won't always be the same. G or A is most often best for me but it can vary from song to song and also depends on range. I've said this before, but I've played with some excellent (far, far superior than me)guitar players that unfortunately perform songs that definitely are not in their key. I can hear them getting all quiet and squeaky. They seem resigned to think that they just have bad voices and this is going to be as good as it gets. Or other folks will start and find that they are struggling, then have to stop, fiddle with a capo and restart. I feel bad for them. Then it's my turn. I am just an average player with a mediocre alto voice and limited range, but it will feel easy and folks will compliment my playing and singing. The others that went before me are without a doubt, better musicians, but they are not better performers. For me, it really comes down to preparation, good song selection and correct key. Also, by the way, try to have fun, otherwise, what's the point.

Increasing playing confidence

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