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Thread: Uke Joaks

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Location
    Nor Cal USA
    Posts
    1,027

    Default Uke Joaks

    There's a Will Rogers quote about the ukulele to the effect of you can't tell if the guy is really playing it or just fooling around.

    I think he was talking about me!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Aurora, IL US
    Posts
    1,572

    Default

    I left my ukulele in the back seat of my car when I went shopping. When I got back I found that someone had broken a window and tossed in 3 more ukes.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Aurora, IL US
    Posts
    1,572

    Default

    How do you fet a professional ukulele player away from your front door?
    Pay him for the pizza.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    483

    Default

    How many ukes does it take to cure UAS?

    Nobody knows...it's never been tried.
    Ask NOT what your country can do for Uke...ask what Uke can do for your country.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Cornwall UK
    Posts
    1,114

    Default

    Q. What's the definition of perfect pitch?

    A. Throwing a ukulele into a rubbish bin... and hitting a mandolin.

    (Old, old joke )
    I'd like to be under the sea...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    1,981

    Default

    ROFLMAO to all the above...

    and below...
    Last edited by UkerDanno; 08-12-2017 at 04:02 AM.
    Just Play

    Sopranos: 1st uke, Lanikai soprano LU-11 - Aquilas | 30's Martin style 0 - Martins | Fender Piha'eu - Worth Browns | Lanikai banjolele - Fremont Blacklines
    Concerts: Kanile'a K-2 CP - Living Water | Islander AC-4 - Living Water
    UBass: Kala Rumbler - Pahoehoe

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Prospect, Connecticut
    Posts
    230

    Default

    Which instrument will burn faster, an ukulele or bagpipes? Who cares!
    What do you call an ukulele player with a business card? An optimist!
    How many Ukulele players does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
    Most of these jokes are recycled accordion jokes. The light bulb one was originally about the group U2 and the world revolves around Bono!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    132

    Default

    A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of ukulele players, and called ground control with a list of demands.
    They told the negotiator if their demands weren't met they would release one ukulele player an hour!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    126

    Default

    A Uke Player walks into the music store, and tells the counter-person "Hey, I purchased this Ukulele from here just yesterday, but I'm having difficulty playing it properly due to excessive vibration in the G String".

    The Counter-Person responds "Have you tried playing it while wearing some decent underpants ?"
    Dean Beaver (UkeBirdsRGo) YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbQ...9JdNSxuUwy3pZA

    Dean Beaver - Just For One Moment E.P. - MP3 (Original Songs w/Guitar, Bass, Keys, Drum Trx)
    Collaborative production w/ Damien Offer / Jason Maher ) Includes Bonus Remix "One Mad Moment"

    https://www.reverbnation.com/deanbeaver

    "Be Excellent To Each Other"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    126

    Default

    A String walks into the bar after a big gig, and orders a bourbon and cola.
    The Bartender responds "Sorry, we're not allowed to serve Strings in here, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the premises".
    The disgruntled String exited the door, and stood outside for a moment wondering how he could just get a drink.
    He throws himself down writhing and twisting all over the ground, gets up and rubs himself all over the brick wall, and quite aggressively ruffles himself up, and then in another desperate attempt proceeds back to the bar, where he is confronted with the same bartender.
    The String looks at the bartender and says "Hi, I'll have a Bourbon Please" ...
    The Bartender looks at the String and says "You look a bit familiar, aren't you the same String I just ask to leave the premises ?"
    The String responds "No I'm a frayed knot"
    Dean Beaver (UkeBirdsRGo) YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbQ...9JdNSxuUwy3pZA

    Dean Beaver - Just For One Moment E.P. - MP3 (Original Songs w/Guitar, Bass, Keys, Drum Trx)
    Collaborative production w/ Damien Offer / Jason Maher ) Includes Bonus Remix "One Mad Moment"

    https://www.reverbnation.com/deanbeaver

    "Be Excellent To Each Other"

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