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Thread: Uke Joaks

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Fresno County
    Posts
    46

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    What is the difference between a fish and a ukulele? You can tuna a UKE, but you can't tuna FISH!

    that happens to be my ukulele choir's favorite joke. Our first loaner ukulele was this little piece of junk that we called Tuna, it wouldn't stay in tune and it sounded more like a sitar.

  2. #12

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    Q: How do you get an ukulele player to play in tune?

    A: Nobody knows.


    Q: What are the advantages of a Tenor ukulele over a soprano?

    A: The Tenor burns longer.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Pensacola, Florida
    Posts
    650

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    A ukulele player spends half the time on stage tuning the ukulele. The other half playing out of tune.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    139

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    Warning:
    Some old (and generally tacky) groaners I reprocessed from other sites about musicians other than uke players:

    Warning #2:
    This is gonna take forever. Do you know how many ukulele player jokes there are??
    Actually, just one. The rest are true stories.

    What do you call a beautiful woman on a ukulele player's arm?
    A tattoo.

    What do a ukulele and a lawsuit have in common?
    Everyone's happy when the case is closed.

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To show a ukulele player that it could be done.

    Why don't ukulele players tell blonde jokes?
    They don't understand them.

    Son: “Mom, I want to grow up and be a ukulele player.”
    Mother: “Well, honey, you can't have both, you know.”

    What's the difference between a savings bond and ukulele player?
    The savings bond will eventually grow up and earn money.

    Why did the Boy Scout take up the ukulele?
    They make good paddles.

    How do you get a ukulele player to stop playing?
    Put some sheet music in front of him.

    Why are most of the above jokes one liners?
    So we ukulele players can understand them!
    Last edited by Tenor; 08-08-2017 at 10:15 AM.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    7

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    What do you call a person that hangs out with musicians?

    A ukulele player.

  6. #16

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    What do you say to a ukulele player wearing a suit and tie?


    "Will the defendant please rise."
    Last edited by jackj; 08-13-2017 at 09:19 AM. Reason: punctuation

  7. #17
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Cornwall UK
    Posts
    1,114

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    Q. What's dangerous, lives in the sea and plays the ukulele?

    A. Jaws Formby.

    Turned out nice again!
    I'd like to be under the sea...

  8. #18
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Salt Lake City, UT
    Posts
    636

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    Not a uke joke, but a somewhat similar sized instrument::

    Mandolin - an Italian word meaning out of tune
    Blackbird Clara
    Concert Flea
    Pono MB
    Deering Goodtime Banjo Uke (concert)
    Hadean Uke-Bass
    Deering Goodtime Special (5-string banjo - currently with 4 strings...)

    Buckle Up

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    139

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    What's the difference between a lawn mower and a uke?
    Your neighbor will be upset if you borrow his lawn mower and don't return it.

    What do call a successful ukulele player?
    A guy whose wife/girlfriend has 2 jobs.

    There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your ukulele talent. That time is age 11.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    London
    Posts
    3,940

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    forgive me for swinging by without a joke to bring, but i just wanted to say how much i've enjoyed these jokes!

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