Paupers and Kings: A Confession

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Hippie Dribble

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For the past couple of months I've been feeling a growing sense of shame and self disgust at my appetite for ukuleles and the ridiculous amount of money I have been spending on them. I feel like the guy from the Monty Python film ' The Meaning of Life' who sits down, gorges himself on food and then his guts explode everywhere. Except I see no humour in my own circumstance.

I work as an aged carer...yep...without putting too fine a point on it, wiping peoples' bums and dealing with demented behaviours. in our society, a hugely undervalued and poorly paid job. To give you some perspective, the 19 year olds who operate the cash registers at supermarket check outs across the road get paid more than we do. My beautiful wife stays at home and devotes her time to home schooling our children and doing the lion's share of work on our farm, and gets a small govt. subsidy. We live, theoretically, below the poverty line. I should be buying makalas, lanikais, mahalos right? No. I buy collings, mya moe, kamaka et al.

We have no major debt - mortgage - as we own our property. Nor do we have a credit card, mobile phone. We grow many of our own fruit and veges, nuts, eggs etc. But we have no savings either...My savings account has gone from $7000+ dollars in the last 18 months to zero. Every spare cent in the last 3 years that I've hadhas gone towards buying ukuleles. We have no money to fall back on in the event of something going wrong with a health issue or otherwise. I am an insulin dependent diabetic of 25 years with complications developing so in all likelihood this will become another cost at some point. we also have 2 young children depending on us.

To get to the point. UAS has become a disease to me. I no longer even look forward to receiving the bloody things anymore. I used to joke about my UAS but I have spent much time in the last few months looking in the mirror and hating myself. my greed.my selfishness. my obsession to feed my lust at the expense of my families needs. and the thing is, these premium ukes just sit in their cases...1/2 the time I'm too scared to even play em lest I mark them. What 's the point of that. How stupid. Life is to be enjoyed, not walked through on eggshells. I have now begun the process of selling off many of my ukes...I have had over 30. It is time to begin thinking of people other than myself. I will keep a handful but the rest is just pure selfish greed. Unjustifiable and a cause of guilt and regret. I am also painfully aware of my own mortality and want to do right by my family with the little money we have. Wife and I had a heart to heart last night and we're both concerned about our lack of savings. Reality check. time to change while there is still time to make that change.

2 points. 1. life isn't about investing in stuff. it's about investing time in people. 2. you can't be a pauper and pretend you're a king. I'm selling much of my collection for all these reasons above. As a self confessed ukaholic, ukes are great but there is more to life. so sorry for the rant but I'm unravelling a little at the moment and just needed to write out my thoughts...I'm a pretty withdrawn, depressed and reclusive person and you guys are a lifeline to me more often than you might realise. If you made it this far I don't want sympathy . but I just say thanks for reading. I need to make some big changes in my life. In attitude and in action.
 
Thanks for sharing.

I hope you don't mind me saying:
Sell the ukes you don't need and stop beating yourself up, mate.
You've brought a lot of cheeriness and good thoughts to me with your ukes, and I truly appreciate it.

:worship:We love you, man!:music:
 
Believe me, I want as much as the next guy and I've learned a long time ago (special thanks to my SO) about wants and needs . . . I still want, but it passes. Anytime a purchase involves a significant amount of liquid assets, we discuss "wants vs needs". There were opportunities for certain instruments that I've passed on. Regrets, definitely yes. But it's something I can live with. Just my dos centavos.
 
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I read it all, and I can completely understand your situation and how you're feeling.

You have all the right reasons to feel the way you do, and you *do* have a way out of that feeling. And you seem like you are on the right path.

Sell most of your ukes for the most you can, and just make *that* your savings start?
If you are able to do that, you've solved 2 of your problems, and you should/would feel absolutely amazing. While at the same time still having a few nice high end ukes to fulfill your sense of "living like a king!"

Best of luck you you. Sometimes the big changes hurt, but feel sooooo good once you've been through them.

Cheers,
Skottoman
 
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Hopefully those ukes are just money in the bank so to speak and you'll get back a large portion of what you have into them. I think we have all bought things we don't really need to make ourselves feel better (instead of addressing whatever it is that has us a little down). I know I have.
 
It takes courage to accept that you have a problem, courage to face that problem and discuss it with those we love, and courage to open your heart and share your feelings on here. You are more than half way there, you have faced the issue and know how to resolve it. I understand how you have got to your position, like most on here I would love to have different ukes: I have a mahala soprano and really 'want' a decent one, I would love an eleuke as well as a fluke and / or flea. I DO have a good ukest. (in my eyes) in the pono concert I was bought the Christmas before last.

Good luck with your sales, I hope you get fairly near to the money you paid for them as they have hardly been used. Are you allowed to let people on here know what you have for sale and the price ?

Best wishes
 
Sorry to hear about what's been going on Jon..

Seems like you're on the right path! Although that does make your ukes alot more lonely.
Save the ones that really keep you happy, and you'll be fine :)
 
Sorry to hear about your situation Jon.

It sounds like you have recognized the problem and you have a plan to fix the problem. You can overcome this. We are here for support, and it sounds like you have a beautiful family that is also very supportive.

Keep a few ukes that you really love and enjoy them! That is what is all about. I know that I look forward to seeing your videos and posts on UU and think that most others here do too.

You have a gift and I am glad that you share it with us.
 
I'm no psycho analyst but that sounds like a classic case of hoarder's syndrome. That's a bit beyond your "normal" UAS. They say the first step in resolving any behavioral problem is recognizing that it exists.

At least you haven't gone deeply in debt over this as many people do.

I'd start paying attention to what ukuleles you play, and which you don't. The former are bringing you pleasure, the latter anxiety. It really doesn't matter which ukes fal into which category - if the Dolphins and Lanikais bring you more real pleasure than the expensive ukes you're afraid to take out of the case, then keep the Dolphins and Lanikais and don't let anyone tell you different.

I have six ukes right now - the "best" of them is a KoAloha concert. While that is the "best" of my ukes it is the first one I would let go because, while it's easily my best sounding uke it isn't the one that brings me the most joy. In fact, I've discovered that I like the concert scale length but I'm not crazy about the concert body's "fullness" of sound - I like a more ukey sound. The long and short of it is that if I had to get rid of all my ukuleles but one right now the one I would keep is my only laminated uke! Granted, it's not a cheap uke, but it is nearly the cheapest of the lot. Still, that Kiwaya longneck soprano is the uke I go to time, after time, after time.

I wouldn't abandon ukuele because chances are you will just find something else to scratch that hoarder's itch. It's obvious from your videos that playing and singing bring you great pleasure and relief from stress - and with the kind of job you have that's essential. So, I'd make that list of which ukes bring you pleasure and which are just expensive headaches. Gradually thin the heard of expensive headaches (don't dump 'em all at once or you'll take a beating on the prices you get).

Just my $.02.
 
Hi Jon. To err is human. We all do it. When we do, all we can do is address it and try to change change our ways.

FYI, your videos and pressence here has made this place what it is. A pheonomenal place to share a common love amongst new friends.

It is very apparent that you are a kind and caring person. Isn't that the most important thing in life? Taking care of your family in a responsible way is paramount, but think of all the joy that you have brought them by introducing them to the ukulele. I know that doesn't mean instilling them with UAS, but I know that they will appreciate a Dad/Husband that is fallible. Just like everybody else on this planet. They will understand the lesson of living within one's means.

So don't despair too deeply over your situation. After all, as some have already pointed out, those high end ukes hold their value pretty well.
 
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I'll resist the temptation to rant at length about the inequities in the way people are paid; I'd just be preaching to the choir and may even make you feel worse, which is something that I would most certainly not want to do. Let me just say, "I understand."

This is really something to get into balance, as opposed to swinging from one position to another in the way the a bulimic binges and purges. What I mean to say is that, optimally, you want to enjoy your life in the moment without putting at risk your own or your loved-ones' future welfare. You should neither disregard the need to develop a savings plan, nor the value of enjoying what you have. If I were you, I'd be careful not to overreact. Don't needlessly sacrifice something that brings you great joy. Ask yourself whether you despise yourself right now because you have so many ukuleles or because you have (had?) lost sight of the potential risks of spending money on them. If it is really the latter, start focusing on saving. I understand that these concepts are related in your mind, ukuleles and saving, but I'm not sure that they should be. Right now, you are not even allowing yourself to enjoy the ukuleles you have because of this conflation. Perhaps were you to make an effort from this point on to save with the same intensity and enthusiasm you previously applied to acquiring ukuleles, you will achieve a sense of balance I'm speaking of. Then you will know which ukuleles to get rid of, if you decide to do so.

You're not an evil person, else you wouldn't be thinking about the potential impact of your actions on others (not to mention your career choice which I think, if the universe were at all fair, would entitled you to a really great ukulele or two). Stop beating yourself up.
 
I work as an aged carer...

Brother, as a middle son of a mother who needs such care, I thank you & applaud you for your HARD work. W/o such care, my Mom wouldn't remotely thrive like she does in the "assisted living/"old-folks-home" she lives in.

And, as a husband & father, I also applaud your clear decisions to live more within your means. Thank you for your example to the rest of us. And, please continue to share with us your great enthusiasm & skill with the ukulele. I love to see a link to a new video from you as it will always be something that brings a smile & makes me love this little instrument even more.

Mahalo!
 
You're trying to fill a hole, as melodramatic as it sounds, a hole in your soul.

Can you teach, play at nursing homes, buy a bunch of Flukes and give lessons fo' free at local schools?

These holes are generally composed of equal parts a lack of sense of purpose, and lack of feeling connected to others, because you're not.

I know a little about these holes, myself.

There's a hospital near me and once I'm a decent player, I'm seriously looking at going around and playing (where wanted) to cheer people up. Maybe even teach and give a few inexpensive ukes away. I should clarify here that I live on about 1/4-1/2 of minimum wage. I am not rich. But I am very frugal, and can afford to buy the odd Fluke or Cordoba for someone to whom it would make a real difference.
 
A couple of comments about: (i) UAS and (ii) fear of actually playing the instruments you own.

Many herein have already supplied supportive observations. I can only add that my dictionary defines “sacrifice” as the surrender of something prized for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim. The greatest lessons I’ve learned in life have come as the result of sacrifice. Figuring out what’s important is hard, following through is even harder, but in the end, you’ll know you’ve done the right thing and you will feel uplifted as you realize a “higher claim”.

In terms of what to do (like many of the other replies), I’d sell most of the ukes and keep a couple that you prize the most and will not be afraid to play. I recently bought a fairly expensive Collings UC3 (in fact, she’s the one pictured on the Collings website). At first I could only look at her, but once she had received her first scratch (caused by a fingernail played too far down the fingerboard) and then a second, followed by a third, well, I decided she is even more beautiful now that she shows marks derived from her intended purpose. Find the right mix of makers, sizes, wood combinations and (most importantly) sound, and keep only these.

The right mix for me includes just 3 ukes – some may only need 1 and others might want 5. My list of keepers: the new Collings, a special one-off mahogany Santa Cruz Concert, and a Martin 3K Soprano. Each offer a vastly different sound and playing experience.

Finally, play the heck out of the ones you keep and let them enrich your life.

My thoughts anyway . . .
 
I agrre on what has been said to keep the ones you play and rid of the ones you don't. However, we all know your not an evil person with the kind of work you do and the influence you have on this forum there is no way you could be a evil person.
 
Sometimes we all slip up a bit. Good thing you got your head on straight now. You find something that really makes you happy and you naturally think having more of it will increase that happiness when it rarely does.

I figure it this way. All you really need it 2 Ukes. One nice one for everyday use and one cheaper one that you can travel around with and not worry about so much. Keep your favorite and one of your least expensive Ukes and keep playing guilt free. It's no fun playing when it's a burden.
 
Eugene (I just call you that, because I don't think you are the famous preacher John Donne that wrote the sermon you quote) - it took a lot of courage to post that. I am glad you are facing your addiction head on, but sorry to hear it has gone as far as it has.

We joke a lot on here about UAS, but a lot of times when I read it, I feel a bit sad, because I know that we have a very large range of economic status on this board. Some can buy Koalohas for the change in their pocket, and others scrape to get a cheap laminate soprano. I also know some that spend their last dime on expensive ukes, while they worry about the family budget. The posts on this and most other hobby boards feed the addiction. They fill your head full of covetous thoughts that you must have the latest and greatest ukulele and it just consumes you until you get it - been there and done that. In the end they are just things, and to be honest at my level of playing a cheap laminate is probably as good as a solid wood custom made. Its all about balance and what is important in your life.

Anyway, you have taken a good first step by recognizing that this thing has you by the short hairs, as we say in the US. That is the first step to getting control of your life back. I finally learned to be mostly content with my little mahogany soprano and a spruce top tenor. Its all I need and both play better than I do.

God speed my ukulele friend.
 
Last year I donated 13 full boxes of books to the local library, along with 3 very large boxes of DVDs. I'm not just a collector: I love books with a passion. I read and re-read them, refer to them, lovingly gaze at their spines and covers. I stand in the hallway, open a book, any book, and start reading, to find myself still there, an hour or more later, reluctant to leave. To me, a house without a satisfactory library can never be a home, just a waystation, a place to eat and sleep. But the books were piled two, even three deep, and there are shelves in every room, all overflowing. There are piles of books on the floor in the hallway and the bedroom. I carry books with me in my knapsack, my car, in my jacket pockets to read at any opportunity. Books represent to me learning, entertainment, exploration, understanding, wisdom, experience and mystery.

The same with DVDs. I collected all sorts of movies: foreign films, film noir, rare and scarce flicks, documentaries, art films, classics... and I could watch them over and over. We had shelves of DVDs, again overflowing onto the floor and coffee tables.

One day I just said, enough. I boxed up as many books and DVDs as I could and donated them all. Sixteen boxes (I could have done more but ran out of boxes...) to the library. I have a few boxes waiting to go to a local yard sale next week, run by a service club as a fundraiser. And we gave several boxes to the local humane society for their fundraising secondhand goods outlet.

It actually felt good, like I was lightening up and shrugging off a weight. I still buy books and movies, but not with the same intensity or passion. I sold and gave away a few ukes, as well. I still play, but have better focus on the ones I kept.

And as for money: I have none. I'm in between unemployment and retirement. But I'd rather have books and no money than money and no books. And, ukes, too, of course... not a lot, not as much as before, but enough to keep me happy.
 
Sorry you have used your cash reserve to buy these ukes. It's a necessary first step that you have recognized you have a problem in that area. As a retired counselor, I recognize that we all need to feel good about ourselves, and we sometimes act in self-defeating ways in order to accomplish this. I hope there is someone you can talk to, a trusted mentor, a minister, counselor, perhaps the Social Worker at your care center can help. It is important you get any help you need to develop a new strategy to have this need to feel ok. It isn't the work or the feelings that are the problem, it's the strategy you choose to deal with them. As you can see, you have many friends here who will support and encourage you. I will pray for you and will give you all the encouragement I can.
Considering what you do all day, I believ you can fix this.

Your Friend,

Phil
 
I agree with everything that has been said by others here, Eugene, but I will just add that if you bring as many smiles to your patients as you do to this forum, they are very very lucky, indeed.
Sending you aloha.
 
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