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Steveperrywriter
10-29-2014, 11:54 AM
I’ve been dropping round here for a little over a year-and-a-half, and I’ve come across a number of rules for the care and feeding of ukuleles. Some of them seem contradictory, but, what-the-heck, I thought I’d throw them out. (And feel free to add those I’ve missed …)

!. Anything other than a soprano ukulele is blasphemy.
2. Any wood other than koa is a mortal sin.
3. Any pronounciation other than “oo-koo-lay-lay” is an abomination.
4. Any pronounciation other than “you-kuh-lay-lee” is vile and dispicable snobbery.
5. If you use a low-G string on your already-blasphemous tenor, you are less than pond scum; you are a guitarist.
6. Any ukulele made anywhere but Hawaii is beneath contempt.
7. Any ukulele that costs more than $500 is obnoxiously excessive bling.
8. Any ukulele that costs less than $500 is naught but crappy firewood.
9. Strumming is the only path to salvation.
10. Strumming is for children.
11. Tiny Tim.
12. Glue.
13. Wood is the most important factor in tone.
14. Strings are the most important things in tone.
14. Construction is the most important thing in tone.
15. Players are the most important things in tone.
16. All ukuleles sound the same with the same brand of strings.
17. No two ukuleles sound the same with any brand of strings.
18. YouTube
19. Jake
20. All Luthiers doing custom work are filthy rich.
21. Amps.
22. Straps are the devil’s invention.
23. Straps are God’s blessing.
24. Friction tuners are the only proper ones.
25. Friction tuners are for dinosaurs.

Redeyejedi
10-29-2014, 11:58 AM
26. you only need one uke

CeeJay
10-29-2014, 12:01 PM
I’ve been dropping round here for a little over a year-and-a-half, and I’ve come across a number of rules for the care and feeding of ukuleles. Some of them seem contradictory, but, what-the-heck, I thought I’d throw them out. (And feel free to add those I’ve missed …)

!. Anything other than a soprano ukulele is blasphemy.
2. Any wood other than koa is a mortal sin.
3. Any pronounciation other than “oo-koo-lay-lay” is an abomination.
4. Any pronounciation other than “you-kuh-lay-lee” is vile and dispicable snobbery.
5. If you use a low-G string on your already-blasphemous tenor, you are less than pond scum; you are a guitarist.
6. Any ukulele made anywhere but Hawaii is beneath contempt.
7. Any ukulele that costs more than $500 is obnoxiously excessive bling.
8. Any ukulele that costs less than $500 is naught but crappy firewood.
9. Strumming is the only path to salvation.
10. Strumming is for children.
11. Tiny Tim.
12. Glue.
13. Wood is the most important factor in tone.
14. Strings are the most important things in tone.
14. Construction is the most important thing in tone.
15. Players are the most important things in tone.
16. All ukuleles sound the same with the same brand of strings.
17. No two ukuleles sound the same with any brand of strings.
18. YouTube
19. Jake
20. All Luthiers doing custom work are filthy rich.
21. Amps.
22. Straps are the devil’s invention.
23. Straps are God’s blessing.
24. Friction tuners are the only proper ones.
25. Friction tuners are for dinosaurs.

That seems to have it all covered Iguess...yeah, I will buy that for One American Dollar. Wow ...and we are all supposed to be one big happy family, united by our shared love of a common interest....makes religious warfare look kind of well, simple really....and if I stick around here much longer I will start spelling in American English as well as using Americanisms (:rofl:)

Inksplosive AL
10-29-2014, 12:10 PM
My list starts...

1. Tiny Tim
2. Pizza

and goes on from there.

If a person who plays a guitar is a guitarist, then one who plays the ukulele is a ukuleleist or ukulelist which brings me back here. Ukuleleist, or ukulelist - which is correct? (http://forum.ukuleleunderground.com/showthread.php?56968-Ukuleleist-or-ukulelist-which-is-correct)

Hmmm ukualaier, ukualaer or ukelayer perhaps?

~Al~

CeeJay
10-29-2014, 12:20 PM
My list starts...

1. Tiny Tim
2. Pizza

and goes on from there.

If a person who plays a guitar is a guitarist, then one who plays the ukulele is a ukuleleist or ukulelist which brings me back here. Ukuleleist, or ukulelist - which is correct? (http://forum.ukuleleunderground.com/showthread.php?56968-Ukuleleist-or-ukulelist-which-is-correct)

Hmmm ukualaier, ukualaer or ukelayer perhaps?

~Al~

Pizza is an excellent addition .....

janeray1940
10-29-2014, 12:26 PM
If a person who plays a guitar is a guitarist, then one who plays the ukulele is a ukuleleist or ukulelist which brings me back here. Ukuleleist, or ukulelist - which is correct? (http://forum.ukuleleunderground.com/showthread.php?56968-Ukuleleist-or-ukulelist-which-is-correct)

Hmmm ukualaier, ukualaer or ukelayer perhaps?

~Al~

LOL, that was my question, and nearly three years later I still don't have an answer (nor can I remember what I was working on that prompted me to ask it, but if it's the website I think it was, I opted instead to refer to the person as a multi-instrumentalist who plays blah blah blah and ukulele).

As for rulz... I've always felt they were meant to be broken, as long as nobody gets harmed in the process :)

river_driver
10-29-2014, 12:28 PM
Steve, Steve, Steve...

How could you forget the Blasphemy of the Pick?

Nickie
10-29-2014, 12:31 PM
Calling us other than ukeists is blasphemous....
Haveing more than one is a waste of wood...
Calling it a "little guitar", suffer a fate worse than death....

Rick Turner
10-29-2014, 12:52 PM
How many ukes you need is one more.

If you have an issue with your uke, the last person/people to talk to about it is/are the builder(s).

If you need some work done on your uke, the last person you should see is a qualified luthier.

If you decide to work on your own uke, do not use the correct tools; they cost too much.

If you decide to work on your own uke, the last folks to ask for advice are those who know the most about lutherie.

Always get your information from anonymous sources who refuse to post their own names on the Internet.

And, please do not revile snarky luthiers. They may have a reason for their sarcasm...

Rick Turner
10-29-2014, 01:26 PM
How about a rule that thread titles should be correctly spelled in standard English? Or does that inspire h8 4 me in u 2?

CeeJay
10-29-2014, 01:32 PM
How about a rule that thread titles should be correctly spelled in standard English? Or does that inspire h8 4 me in u 2?

Standard American English or Standard English English..of the Oxford variety........? Or standard Lol Catz English which meanz Rulz iss oK..........Are all you Luthiers the enemy of Superman or is it just the one called Lex?:o

Camsuke
10-29-2014, 01:58 PM
http://youtu.be/nBfRZEENlwE

ScooterD35
10-29-2014, 02:03 PM
I'm a Deadhead. I have grooved on Mickey Hart playing a steel I-Beam strung with piano wire.

In my musical world, there are no rules...


Scooter

CeeJay
10-29-2014, 02:04 PM
http://youtu.be/nBfRZEENlwE


Okay ...well that was .....er....odd....but strangely compelling ...:confused:;)

Dan Uke
10-29-2014, 02:23 PM
Steve

This is why you are a successful writer!!:cheers:

Steveperrywriter
10-29-2014, 02:31 PM
Well, of course, I didn't mean "Rules," even though that is certainly implied in the text, but "Rulez," which is to "Rules," as "truth" is to "truthiness ..."

"Rules" are serious; "Rulz" are just silly ...

Steveperrywriter
10-29-2014, 02:34 PM
Steve, Steve, Steve...

How could you forget the Blasphemy of the Pick?

Um ... now, remind me, what is a pick again ... ?

Debby
10-29-2014, 02:46 PM
So were ukuleles, according to many spouses.

Here's another one: Always precede ukulele with an okina (to the rest of us, an apostrophe) and never add S to form the plural: one 'ukulele, two 'ukulele—no matter how much English is twisted to emulate Island pidgin English.

Wait! What? You mean the plural form of ukulele is not "ukuleli?" *facepalm*

BTW, this thread has made my day. Very funny!

janeray1940
10-29-2014, 03:01 PM
So were ukuleles, according to many spouses.

Ha ha! And that is why I live alone :)

Perhaps I should amend my statement to "...as long as nobody, or nothing, gets harmed in the process"...

Rick Turner
10-29-2014, 03:11 PM
No ukuleles were harmed in the making of any of my divorces...and no spouses were harmed in the making of any of my ukuleles.

DownUpDave
10-29-2014, 10:31 PM
If loud is good louder is better

Saying "plays like buttah" gets you a time out in the corner

Thou shall not covet thy neighbors ukulele

My fingers are too fat for sopranos

down up, down up, down up, down up, down up, down up, down up, down up, down up, down up, down up, down up......got it?

KaraUkey
10-30-2014, 12:31 AM
My list starts...

1. Tiny Tim
2. Pizza

and goes on from there.

If a person who plays a guitar is a guitarist, then one who plays the ukulele is a ukuleleist or ukulelist which brings me back here. Ukuleleist, or ukulelist - which is correct? (http://forum.ukuleleunderground.com/showthread.php?56968-Ukuleleist-or-ukulelist-which-is-correct)

Hmmm ukualaier, ukualaer or ukelayer perhaps?

~Al~
I kind of like Ukulelian like Librarian, magician and comedian. I mean we're not just musos or musicians right? We're Ukulelians.

KaraUkey
10-30-2014, 02:18 AM
I kind of like Ukulelian like Librarian, magician and comedian. I mean we're not just musos or musicians right? We're Ukulelians.

I’ve been dropping round here for a little over a year-and-a-half, and I’ve come across a number of rules for the care and feeding of ukuleles. Some of them seem contradictory, but, what-the-heck, I thought I’d throw them out. (And feel free to add those I’ve missed …)

!. Anything other than a soprano ukulele is blasphemy.
2. Any wood other than koa is a mortal sin.
3. Any pronounciation other than “oo-koo-lay-lay” is an abomination.
4. Any pronounciation other than “you-kuh-lay-lee” is vile and dispicable snobbery.
5. If you use a low-G string on your already-blasphemous tenor, you are less than pond scum; you are a guitarist.
6. Any ukulele made anywhere but Hawaii is beneath contempt.
7. Any ukulele that costs more than $500 is obnoxiously excessive bling.
8. Any ukulele that costs less than $500 is naught but crappy firewood.
9. Strumming is the only path to salvation.
10. Strumming is for children.
11. Tiny Tim.
12. Glue.
13. Wood is the most important factor in tone.
14. Strings are the most important things in tone.
14. Construction is the most important thing in tone.
15. Players are the most important things in tone.
16. All ukuleles sound the same with the same brand of strings.
17. No two ukuleles sound the same with any brand of strings.
18. YouTube
19. Jake
20. All Luthiers doing custom work are filthy rich.
21. Amps.
22. Straps are the devil’s invention.
23. Straps are God’s blessing.
24. Friction tuners are the only proper ones.
25. Friction tuners are for dinosaurs.
Hmmmm Or Contrarians Maybe?

kkimura
10-30-2014, 04:06 AM
1a. Anything other than a concert is blasphemy.
1b. Anything other than a tenor is blasphemy.
1c. Anything other than a baritone is blasphemy.
1d. Anything other than a ukulele is blasphemy.

Rllink
10-30-2014, 04:47 AM
A couple of years ago my friend bought a "classical" guitar, got himself a "classical guitar" instructor, and took up "classical guitar playing". At first, I thought that I might like to take up the guitar, but his "discipline" was way too disciplined for me. But then I discovered the ukulele, and thinking that it might be more fun and more easy going than the guitar, that I would give it a try. So I bought a ukulele. But I was getting much of my information off of the internet, and particularly this forum, and I wasn't too far into it before I was bombarded by most everything written here, and I got a little discouraged, as everything from my ukulele to how I held my ukulele was wrong. But then I went to a real ukulele festival and met some real ukulele players and realized that real ukulele playing was exactly what I wanted to do. I also noticed that most real ukulele players don't even know the rules, let alone play by them. So I learned to use most of the rules that people expound on the internet as more for my amusement than as the gospel.

NewKid
10-30-2014, 05:06 AM
Aquila strings only sound good on cheap ukuleles.

Osprey
10-30-2014, 05:19 AM
The reason i play ukulele.......

THERE AIN'T NO DAMN RULES!!!

Cliff

Redeyejedi
10-30-2014, 06:49 AM
Well, of course, I didn't mean "Rules," even though that is certainly implied in the text, but "Rulez," which is to "Rules," as "truth" is to "truthiness ..."

"Rules" are serious; "Rulz" are just silly ...

I read Ruiz at first and was like who is Ruiz and where and when is he playing?

twentytabby
10-30-2014, 07:14 AM
I can kind of understand the no pick rule after seeing the tops of two vintage Martin ukes thoroughly shredded by the uke owner's picks. He really thrashed on those ukes!

NewKid
10-30-2014, 09:12 AM
I don't think these rules are meant to be taken seriously. Steve's just trying to initiate some fun.

Steveperrywriter
10-30-2014, 09:15 AM
I think most folks realize I'm pulling their legs. That "Tags for this Thread" at the bottom says "humor ..." Might not be all that funny, but at least I labeled it as such ...

Rllink
10-30-2014, 09:33 AM
I don't think these rules are meant to be taken seriously. Steve's just trying to initiate some fun.
I don't take them at all seriously and I appreciate the spirit in which they were posted, but I have seen most of them discussed seriously at one time or another here.

Rick Turner
10-30-2014, 09:41 AM
Steve, that's just not nice. It's like telling a five year old that there's no real Santa Claus or Easter Bunny. You're mean!

Bullies don't play uke...

The Big Kahuna
10-30-2014, 09:56 AM
I read Ruiz at first and was like who is Ruiz and where and when is he playing?

I always thought your national anthem began with "José can you see..."

bobinde
10-30-2014, 10:33 AM
Steveperrytwriter, I've had a few really rotten days, but your post was the sunlight that lit up my way. Again.

Mahalo, dude!

bobinde

ichadwick
10-30-2014, 12:12 PM
To be consistent with "rulz" (and some spelling corrected)...



1. Anything other than a zoprano ukulele iz blazphemy.
2. Any wood other than koa iz a mortal zin.
3. Any pronunciation other than “oo-koo-lay-lay” iz an abomination.
4. Any pronunciation other than “you-kuh-lay-lee” iz vile and dezpicable znobbery.
5. If you uze a low-G ztring on your already-blazphemouz tenor, you are lezz than pond zcum; you are a guitarizt.
6. Any ukulele made anywhere but Hawaii iz beneath contempt.
7. Any ukulele that coztz more than $500 iz obnoxiouzly excezzive bling.
8. Any ukulele that coztz lezz than $500 iz naught but crappy firewood.
9. Ztrumming iz the only path to zalvation.
10. Ztrumming iz for children.
11. Tiny Tim.
12. Glue.
13. Wood iz the mozt important factor in tone.
14. Ztringz are the mozt important thingz in tone.
14. Conztruction iz the mozt important thing in tone.
15. Playerz are the mozt important thingz in tone.
16. All ukulelez zound the zame with the zame brand of ztringz.
17. No two ukulelez zound the zame with any brand of ztringz.
18. YouTube
19. Jake
20. All Luthierz doing custom work are filthy rich.
21. Ampz.
22. Ztrapz are the devil’z invention.
23. Ztrapz are God’z blezzing.
24. Friction tunerz are the only proper onez.
25. Friction tunerz are for dinozaurz..

DownUpDave
10-30-2014, 12:25 PM
One of the regular uke jams I go to flashes these three rules up at the start of every jam session

RULE #1 : HAVE FUN

RULE #2 : HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR

RULE #3 : SING LIKE YOU MEAN IT

We certainly have a good time at each and every jam, basic aloha spirit.

Steveperrywriter
10-30-2014, 03:14 PM
Like all them z-words. "Blezzing" has a really nice ring to it ...

No Toof Fairy, either, Rick. Wanna hear my Snidely Whiplash laugh?

Nyah-ah-ahhh!

UkerDanno
10-30-2014, 04:49 PM
Aquila strings only sound good on cheap ukuleles.

I used to think that, but after going from Aquilas, immediately to Living Waters, which came out too bright, then Aquila Reds went from bright to brash! I'm back to Aquilas on my Ohana solid Port Orford Cedar top Ohana. Still looking for something warmer, though.

UkerDanno
10-30-2014, 04:50 PM
Oh and Steve, your Rulz Rulesz!!! loved it...

CeeJay
10-31-2014, 01:32 AM
I used to think that, but after going from Aquilas, immediately to Living Waters, which came out too bright, then Aquila Reds went from bright to brash! I'm back to Aquilas on my Ohana solid Port Orford Cedar top Ohana. Still looking for something warmer, though.

Try a duvet .....:drool:

Rllink
10-31-2014, 04:59 AM
One of the regular uke jams I go to flashes these three rules up at the start of every jam session

RULE #1 : HAVE FUN

RULE #2 : HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR

RULE #3 : SING LIKE YOU MEAN IT

We certainly have a good time at each and every jam, basic aloha spirit.
Rule #3, I was at a jam and if you weren't singing loud enough, the lady who was leading the jam would make you start out the next song. After I had to start out two songs in a row, I was singing as loud as I could so that I wouldn't have to start out a third.

CeeJay
10-31-2014, 06:18 AM
Rule #3, I was at a jam and if you weren't singing loud enough, the lady who was leading the jam would make you start out the next song. After I had to start out two songs in a row, I was singing as loud as I could so that I wouldn't have to start out a third.


Hmmmm... I don't know about that ...have you heard me sing !!!!!

Anyway , sometimes I prefer to pick over the other folks strumming and that is my melodic contributon...I can't do both ....I can't walk and talk either !!!

Ukejenny
10-31-2014, 11:03 AM
One of the regular uke jams I go to flashes these three rules up at the start of every jam session

RULE #1 : HAVE FUN

RULE #2 : HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR

RULE #3 : SING LIKE YOU MEAN IT

We certainly have a good time at each and every jam, basic aloha spirit.

Amen! So sayeth the shepherd, so sayeth the flock!

Ukejenny
10-31-2014, 11:04 AM
Should there be a rule as to what we call a group of ukulele players all together, playing ukulele?

We never nailed it down - is it a gaggle? Is it a flock? Is it an ohana?

Rick Turner
10-31-2014, 01:20 PM
It's a riot.

mds725
10-31-2014, 01:27 PM
Talk to others about their ukulele playing as you would want them to talk to you about yours.

stevejfc
10-31-2014, 02:11 PM
Beer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CeeJay
10-31-2014, 02:13 PM
Beer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ah now sir you are truly speaking my language ......

Tootler
10-31-2014, 07:43 PM
I used to think that, but after going from Aquilas, immediately to Living Waters, which came out too bright, then Aquila Reds went from bright to brash! I'm back to Aquilas on my Ohana solid Port Orford Cedar top Ohana. Still looking for something warmer, though.

Clearly you should follow the advice on my 1930s tutor and string your uke with A & E fiddle (er - em violin) strings. :rulez: