Well it arrived, and it's pretty bad!
Very thick out of tune strings that the friction tuners can't cope with, and the C string broke. The frets appear to be just raised wood on the fretboard, and the bridge is a bit of loose dowel, lol.
The good news is the colour matches our lounge so it'll get hung on the wall as decoration!
I wish I could source the simple tailpiece though as I wanna start making buscuit tin ukes.