A Cautionary Tale!

Jeffelele

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Disclaimer: No actual luthiers were harmed in the making of this story.

Bogus Builder Busted!

Although the criminal justice system sees no reason to become involved the ukulele community is buzzing over a scandal regarding the work of a relatively unknown luthier who has been trying to break into the high-end uke market by unorthodox and some say unethical means.

Mr. David Robert Jones of Cleveland, Ohio, stands accused of artificially lowering the weight of ukuleles he was selling.

"I should've known better but I bought one of his ukes based on it's advertised low weight" said a ukulele buyer who wished to remain anonymous because he feels stupid.

"People should have known better. I saw a couple of YouTube videos with his ukuleles and they seemed like over built bricks to me" said Ukulele Underground Forum member Jake Breaks who asked that his name be used because he feels smart.

High end ukuleles are known to be of surprisingly low weight. This allows the strings to most efficiently create the vibrations that become sound. Luthiers must work for years to gain the artistry and skill involved in their craft.

"I was played," said Emily Rose, another of Mr. Jones's customers. "The ukulele I bought had poor volume and no punch. I put it on scale and it weighed .78 ounces. I realized something was definitely wrong".

Mr. Jones appears to have invented a method of bonding helium to the wood of ukuleles to give them the lightest weight possible. Sadly, while he could have won a Nobel prize for his groundbreaking efforts he is now in hiding from angry ukulele buyers. Mr. Jones's research notes have disappeared with him and the world may never get the benefit of his genius.

A clearly distraught moderator of the Ukulele Underground Forum said "First the popsicle guy and now this!"


Jeff
 
Clearly a case of "buyer beware". Bonding anything even helium to tone wood makes it a laminate.
 
Hmm, "Mr. Jones appears to have invented a method of bonding helium to the wood," I thought these kind of posts are supposed to posted on April 1 each year.
 
So silly

This sounds all so apocryphal... First off, "bonding" anything to wood would increase its weight... Second, suppose he actually displaced the air in the wood with helium and sealed it in with something impermeable (good luck with that) this would decrease the overall weight by a trivial amount...
 
This sounds all so apocryphal... First off, "bonding" anything to wood would increase its weight... Second, suppose he actually displaced the air in the wood with helium and sealed it in with something impermeable (good luck with that) this would decrease the overall weight by a trivial amount...

Someone's humour cell is defective :smileybounce:
 
OMG, now we're talking about "tone gasses"
 
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Wait a minute...

You appeared to take something intended as a joke seriously. I'm prone to that too.

I'm sorry maybe if it wasn't physically impossible to the point of being absurd I might have found it to be funny. This is what happens if you know math and science...

I would have found something a little more subtle funny.... Perhaps miniature hydrogen cells inside the body of the uke and a last name of the Zeppelin for the luthier??? Then he could have thrown in something about an epidemic of fires too... :)
 
The inventor/luthier lied; he actually built his instruments with a laminate of cavorite obtained from the estate of J. Verne. You're welcome.
 
I'm sorry maybe if it wasn't physically impossible to the point of being absurd I might have found it to be funny. This is what happens if you know math and science...

I would have found something a little more subtle funny.... Perhaps miniature hydrogen cells inside the body of the uke and a last name of the Zeppelin for the luthier??? Then he could have thrown in something about an epidemic of fires too... :)

I have an Engineering degree so I think I might just know a little science and maths. It appealed to my sense of the absurd. It pays not to take everything you read too literally.
 
Silly, but quite entertaining. I'm not clever enough to come up with a cute counter to it, I'm quite brain dead today. Lost my cellphone and forgot to pay a bill.....geez. But at least I played the ukulele!
 
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