A Moral Dilemma

I know I always seem to post the threads about my moral issues, but I'm having a bit of a problem here and I figured I'd ask you guys. I've been getting back into playing the uke, but I noticed that it's very hard to play my KoAloha Concert. I think my judgement was clouded because I was so excited about getting it that I didn't even realize how hard a concert is for me to play. The only concert that feels comfortable to me now is my KPK since it has a wider neck. I was thinking about acquiring a tenor, but the only way I could do that is to trade my KoAloha.

Now this doesn't seem like a problem if you don't know about this Ukulele. I got this KoAloha from a combination of things. I was helped out a bit from KoAloha themselves and a member on this board, plus a huge chunk of my own money. Those are all the details I'm allowed to give. So I'm feeling a bit torn. In some ways, this uke feels like a bit of a gift, but it isn't getting the playing time it deserves.

Would an attempt to trade it make me a bad guy? I feel like trading instead of selling is a bit better. I was just looking for some opinions. I can still play it, and it sounds great so I could tough it out and be perfectly fine.

UPDATE - A simple change in strings completely gave the uke a new feel, more of what I'm used to and is perfect.

Why not ask those who gifted it to you what they think? They might prefer that you have a ukulele that you feel more comfortable playing, and be happy for you to trade it for something better suited to you. But, the only way you'd know how they would react would be to ask them.

Is it possible that you just need to spend some more time with the KoAloha to get used to it again? What does it feel uncomfortable?

In the end, only you can decide what feels right to you.

But if I were in your shoes, I'd drop KoAloha and the other person a note about the situation, describe my feelings and what I think would be the best course of action for me, and inquire how they feel about it. Chances are that they'd be okay with it, quite possibly even supportive.

I do believe that you should go for what makes you happy, even if what makes you happy evolves and changes as you are exposed to more options or gather new experiences. If you stick with the concert even though you don't get on with it, you'd probably just develop resentment and stop playing it altogether. The people that helped you did so because they wanted you to be happy, and if something else makes you happier, I can't imagine that they would mind if you traded it in for something that brings you joy.

Joyful Uke said:

Why not ask those who gifted it to you what they think? They might prefer that you have a ukulele that you feel more comfortable playing, and be happy for you to trade it for something better suited to you. But, the only way you'd know how they would react would be to ask them.

Is it possible that you just need to spend some more time with the KoAloha to get used to it again? What does it feel uncomfortable?

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I feel kind of ashamed asking them to be honest. My fingers don't feel very comfortable on the fretboard, I feel like I need a lot more space. It is possible that I need to spend a bit more time, but my KPK concert gives me more room and feels okay.

IMHO the help you got from others was to help you grow as a musician and not about a specific instrument. Go and grow if you want to, just remember the Aloha you got and try to pass that along when the opportunity arises.

Mivo said:

In the end, only you can decide what feels right to you.

But if I were in your shoes, I'd drop KoAloha and the other person a note about the situation, describe my feelings and what I think would be the best course of action for me, and inquire how they feel about it. Chances are that they'd be okay with it, quite possibly even supportive.

I do believe that you should go for what makes you happy, even if what makes you happy evolves and changes as you are exposed to more options or gather new experiences. If you stick with the concert even though you don't get on with it, you'd probably just develop resentment and stop playing it altogether. The people that helped you did so because they wanted you to be happy, and if something else makes you happier, I can't imagine that they would mind if you traded it in for something that brings you joy.

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I'm just torn because I know I love the uke, but like you said it could develop into me not playing it at all. I'm thinking of going at it hard for the next week or so and see how it goes. Add that in with some more opinions on the matter and I should be able to make a choice. Thank you.

vanflynn said:

IMHO the help you got from others was to help you grow as a musician and not about a specific instrument. Go and grow if you want to, just remember the Aloha you got and try to pass that along when the opportunity arises.

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Very well worded. I'll keep this in mind.

Double post. But the angle that really strays me is in lets say 20 years, I look at my KoAloha and it has such a great story behind it that I'll never forget. I won't have that feeling for a uke that I traded it for. That's what gets me.

Kyle23 said:

I feel kind of ashamed asking them to be honest. My fingers don't feel very comfortable on the fretboard, I feel like I need a lot more space. It is possible that I need to spend a bit more time, but my KPK concert gives me more room and feels okay.

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I think the fact that you feel ashamed asking them kind of answers the question for you, don't you?

Kyle23 said:

Double post. But the angle that really strays me is in lets say 20 years, I look at my KoAloha and it has such a great story behind it that I'll never forget. I won't have that feeling for a uke that I traded it for. That's what gets me.

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The gesture isn't tied to the object, though. The new ukulele would still be the result of what KoAloha and the other person did for you, and without it, the new dream ukulele wouldn't have been able to come to you. What is special, in my view, are the people who did this for you, not the instrument itself.

whmeltonjr said:

I think the fact that you feel ashamed asking them kind of answers the question for you, don't you?

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Torn on this. I don't feel that shame is a useful guide for living a happy life. It's very restrictive and limiting, too much aimed at living to please others (which never works out in the end). It speaks well of him that he is having these thoughts, and it makes him a great person, but keeping something just to avoid making someone possibly unhappy (which isn't very likely, I really think they'd understand), at the cost of his own enjoyment and happiness, is like staying in an unhappy relationship just to avoid hurting the partner. It doesn't make either side happy.

Kyle23 said:

Double post. But the angle that really strays me is in lets say 20 years, I look at my KoAloha and it has such a great story behind it that I'll never forget. I won't have that feeling for a uke that I traded it for. That's what gets me.

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Life is too short to live with regrets, and you can't take it with you...and in the case of a proper instrument, you shouldn't take it with you. It should be left to family or friends that would actually use it.

Do you need to trade it for another ukulele, or sell it?

If selling, could you give money back to those that helped you?

You need to decide what's comfortable for you. I can say that in the one case I was given a replacement uke and told to keep the original, I gifted it because for me that was the right thing to do. Did the same thing with a case that was replaced.

In your case, you also plunked down some of your own money. If you trade to somebody, I think that's reasonable. You get a uke you want to play and this uke you have hopefully sees some play time. Sitting unplayed and unloved by you does no favors to KoAloha.

Good luck!

As a person who has donated to a few uke players, I would have no qualms about you selling or trading it to get one more suitable for your needs. The main thing is you keep playing!

I think the action that will make you feel the best in the long run is to have a chat with your koaloha friends in person if possible with your uke and explain your difficulties with it. Tell them are thinking of trading it for a tenor and ask them how they'd feel about that. There's a good chance that they'd say they don't mind and do what makes you feel best. But on teh other hand, they might explain to you a way to get more comfortable with the instrument which might suggest they wouldn't want you to trade it.

But for your conscience, I think this has the best potential for the best outcome. Maybe they'd be able to trade yours for a tenor?

But in general if you are struggling with your conscience of stuff, the best way forward is to tackle it head on because usually things are resolved much more easily than you expected and you feel amazing afterwards on several fronts. You feel good becuase you did the right thing by your conscience. You feel good because of your courage. You feel good because the other party is usually not as upset etc as you antipate. And feel good because you feel free to move forward.

If no strings were attached to the "gift", then do what you wish.

I'm sure the givers would rather you have a uke that works for you, than have you keep one you won't play.

whmeltonjr said:

I think the fact that you feel ashamed asking them kind of answers the question for you, don't you?

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to the OP
I don't know you at all...but not surprised at your question.....
do what you want...I would not let it go...but that is me and I know Pops Okami and kind of know the story of the Uke.....
ask him he will tell you his true feelings....

my 2 cents

I think if you do sell the uke, you do have an moral obligation to at least inform koaloha, since they helped
You aquire the ukulele. It may be you're just going through the learning phases and you'll regret it later as when
You do improve you'll appreciate it better and the offer that has been bestowed upon you.
I'd keep it as another offer may not come along, you can sell it anytime in the future, if you can afford it financially and morally.

If you're saying that you don't like the scale of the instrument and would prefer, say, a KoAloha tenor, have you thought about explaining to KoAloha that this uke is too small for you and you'd be more comfortable with one that has a bigger scale? Maybe under the circumstances, KoAloha would let you send this ukulele back to KoAloha for a larger scale one. If, however, you're saying that you just don't like KoAloha concert ukuleles but you want to stick with concert scale, I wouldn't trade or sell the one I'd been given. I'd dispose of it with the same Aloha that brought it to me by gifting it to someone who would love to play it.

mds725 said:

If you're saying that you don't like the scale of the instrument and would prefer, say, a KoAloha tenor, have you thought about explaining to KoAloha that this uke is too small for you and you'd be more comfortable with one that has a bigger scale? Maybe under the circumstances, KoAloha would let you send this ukulele back to KoAloha for a larger scale one. If, however, you're saying that you just don't like KoAloha concert ukuleles but you want to stick with concert scale, I wouldn't trade or sell the one I'd been given. I'd dispose of it with the same Aloha that brought it to me by gifting it to someone who would love to play it.

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I would definitely prefer a KoAloha Tenor, but I couldn't ask them for anything else as they have already done more than enough for me.

I think I'm just going to hang onto it and see if I can get used to it. I'm very attached to it and I know that it's just an object and the people who helped are what really matter, but I still feel the object itself is important in some ways. It's just hard to think of trading it right this second.

First, I want to applaud you for having this "moral dilemma" because it shows your deep appreciation for the helping hands dealt you and your love of the ukulele as an instrument for expression of your musical talent.

I think we all tend to attach sentiment to objects when, in fact, it is more about the feelings we got from using that object, from the joy we received (and gave) by using that object. I loved my first car, an old easy chair I bought at a flea market, a pair of shoes my mom gave me when she had nothing more to give.....but when I got much older LOL- I realized that it wasn't the "things" I loved but the memory of the feelings I had when I drove, sat in or wore those "things". Nothing can ever take that from me so when it was time to let these things go (because my preferences/needs had changed) well their was no guilt or shame. In fact it was a joy because I knew they were passed on to people who created loving memories of their own. And quite honestly I doubt that any of the folks instrumental in helping get or receive these items felt anything less for me having moved on. Almost all of us have found that our first instruments may not have been the best fit for us in terms of size, tone or appearance. It's a continual learning process.

Remember Kyle, you brought a lot of joy to people with that Koaloha- me for one throughout videos. You can continue to give that joy regardless of the instrument you use to deliver it. And the Koaloha can move onto someone else who will experience what you did when you first started out....and so the cycle goes. And you can reignite your passion for music playing with another uke that better fits your current needs.

I'm reminded about a recent forum discussion about a truly unique uke gifted by Wickedwahine (apologies for butchering her forum name).....passing that instrument on was the gift that kept on giving as it resulted in several folks making a dream uke possible for several others. I myself was helped out incredibly by a forum member (DownUpDave) to get a Loprinzi soprano that I know was hard for him to let go but I do know he felt good that it went to someone who loves it and plays it daily. Will I someday trade up to another uke- perhaps...and then the Loprinzi may move on to another player and I don't think Dave would feel any animosity -.

Not everyone has the financial means to "gift" things - there is no shame in that or selling something to buy something similar but different. You might even find a forum member who wants to trade with you - double win.

All this to say....go ahead young man, trade/sell and buy for whatever best suits you "now"- without shame, guilt or remorse. You've done the Koaloha proud and nothing can take away the memories you have of that uke- the "stories" are still yours (you don't need the object in hand). Feed your musical creativity as that, I feel, is more precious.

The fact that you have a Moral Dilemma means you have a Moral Compass. Koaloha and the person that helped you out knew that going in. Both parties wanted you to be happy, that is why they helped out. Whatever you do will be ok because it will be guided by your moral compass.

The best thing to do "Karma Wise" would be to get a Koaloha tenor. Maybe make a plan to sell the concert and buy a Koaloha tenor. It will cost extra but take the time to figure how much extra and how long it would take to save. If that is 6 months from now then so be it. No need to rush into any decision, you need to do what feels right to you. Those involved will understand and support your decision