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JackLuis
08-07-2017, 08:36 AM
There's a Will Rogers quote about the ukulele to the effect of you can't tell if the guy is really playing it or just fooling around.

I think he was talking about me!;)

Cornfield
08-07-2017, 10:30 AM
I left my ukulele in the back seat of my car when I went shopping. When I got back I found that someone had broken a window and tossed in 3 more ukes.

Cornfield
08-07-2017, 10:32 AM
How do you fet a professional ukulele player away from your front door?
Pay him for the pizza.

Ukecaster
08-07-2017, 10:50 AM
How many ukes does it take to cure UAS?

Nobody knows...it's never been tried.

jollyboy
08-07-2017, 12:07 PM
Q. What's the definition of perfect pitch?

A. Throwing a ukulele into a rubbish bin... and hitting a mandolin.

(Old, old joke :))

UkerDanno
08-07-2017, 01:11 PM
ROFLMAO to all the above...:rotfl::shaka:

and below...;)

peanuts56
08-07-2017, 03:38 PM
Which instrument will burn faster, an ukulele or bagpipes? Who cares!
What do you call an ukulele player with a business card? An optimist!
How many Ukulele players does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
Most of these jokes are recycled accordion jokes. The light bulb one was originally about the group U2 and the world revolves around Bono!

Tenor
08-07-2017, 06:57 PM
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of ukulele players, and called ground control with a list of demands.
They told the negotiator if their demands weren't met they would release one ukulele player an hour!

bighatbulls
08-07-2017, 07:37 PM
What is the difference between a fish and a ukulele? You can tuna a UKE, but you can't tuna FISH!

that happens to be my ukulele choir's favorite joke. Our first loaner ukulele was this little piece of junk that we called Tuna, it wouldn't stay in tune and it sounded more like a sitar.

TjW
08-08-2017, 08:39 AM
Q: How do you get an ukulele player to play in tune?

A: Nobody knows.


Q: What are the advantages of a Tenor ukulele over a soprano?

A: The Tenor burns longer.

Osprey
08-08-2017, 10:05 AM
A ukulele player spends half the time on stage tuning the ukulele. The other half playing out of tune.

Tenor
08-08-2017, 10:10 AM
Warning:
Some old (and generally tacky) groaners I reprocessed from other sites about musicians other than uke players:

Warning #2:
This is gonna take forever. Do you know how many ukulele player jokes there are??
Actually, just one. The rest are true stories.

What do you call a beautiful woman on a ukulele player's arm?
A tattoo.

What do a ukulele and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone's happy when the case is closed.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show a ukulele player that it could be done.

Why don't ukulele players tell blonde jokes?
They don't understand them.

Son: “Mom, I want to grow up and be a ukulele player.”
Mother: “Well, honey, you can't have both, you know.”

What's the difference between a savings bond and ukulele player?
The savings bond will eventually grow up and earn money.

Why did the Boy Scout take up the ukulele?
They make good paddles.

How do you get a ukulele player to stop playing?
Put some sheet music in front of him.

Why are most of the above jokes one liners?
So we ukulele players can understand them! :D

MichaelMc
08-08-2017, 11:18 AM
What do you call a person that hangs out with musicians?

A ukulele player. :)

jackj
08-08-2017, 03:19 PM
What do you say to a ukulele player wearing a suit and tie?


"Will the defendant please rise."

jollyboy
08-08-2017, 04:32 PM
Q. What's dangerous, lives in the sea and plays the ukulele?

A. Jaws Formby.

Turned out nice again! :)

PTOEguy
08-11-2017, 07:19 AM
Not a uke joke, but a somewhat similar sized instrument::

Mandolin - an Italian word meaning out of tune

Tenor
08-11-2017, 02:18 PM
What's the difference between a lawn mower and a uke?
Your neighbor will be upset if you borrow his lawn mower and don't return it.

What do call a successful ukulele player?
A guy whose wife/girlfriend has 2 jobs.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your ukulele talent. That time is age 11.

bird's eye view of my ukelele
08-11-2017, 04:34 PM
:bowdown:

forgive me for swinging by without a joke to bring, but i just wanted to say how much i've enjoyed these jokes! :biglaugh:

Nickie
08-11-2017, 05:05 PM
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of ukulele players, and called ground control with a list of demands.
They told the negotiator if their demands weren't met they would release one ukulele player an hour!

Ha ha ha ha!

Kimosabe
08-11-2017, 06:40 PM
What is a professional ukulele musician?

It's a person who has a $5000 uke, a $500 car, and drives 50 miles to make $5.

Tenor
08-12-2017, 04:11 AM
What's the definition of a gentleman?
One who knows how to play the ukulele, but doesn't.

Why can't gorillas play ukuleles?
They're too sensitive.

Why do ukulele groups travel so much?
It keeps assassins guessing.

bratsche
08-12-2017, 06:36 AM
There's no originality in humor any more. Almost all the "joaks" on this thread started out with banjo, or bagpipes, or viola, or (insert least loved instrument here)....

bratsche

Ukecaster
08-12-2017, 07:18 AM
My wife called me a Peghead....I took it as a compliment :D

Kimosabe
08-13-2017, 07:05 AM
There's no originality in humor any more. Almost all the "joaks" on this thread started out with banjo, or bagpipes, or viola, or (insert least loved instrument here)....

bratsche
How many ukes do you need?

One more!

Can that be said about bagpipes, accordions, banjos or violas? No joak!

Tenor
08-13-2017, 07:17 AM
How many ukes do you need?

One more!

Can that be said about bagpipes, accordions, banjos or violas? No joak!

Two thumbs up!
(Tho' my personal playing style is all thumbs. : /)

Two drummers and a*violinist decide to form a band. The three of them start playing, and the sound is just awful. One drummer turns to the other and says, "This is ridiculous; we sound terrible! We hafta get rid of the ukulele player!"