To me, playing with others requires active listening, which enables me to find the 'groove' of the song. Otherwise the performance will sound robotic and disconnected.
In order to be successful, aka 'sound good' to both the performers AND the audience, playing with others is more of a conversation rather than discreet 'parts' just slapped together...
Small groups can do this easier than large groups and that is usually why in classical music a quartet does not have a conductor, but a full orchestra does, the conductor helps to 'keep it together'.
A drummer in a pop/rock scenario is sort of like the conductor, not only in the tempo that is set, but also in the dynamics and HOW the piece is driven along, or syncopated, or has 'swing' or how you might spread some dotted-eigth notes across the drum kit during your playing...
Having said that, if I already know the music well, an improv jam is more about LISTENING than getting the chords to change exactly on the beat, and if I do NOT know the music well, then I would always ask for lots of rehearsal time, and while doing so, I always solicit brutally honest feedback (with my own ego and sensitivity removed from the equation, otherwise the music wont work either)...
As a drummer, if you've played in pop/rock or similar genres, you know that you and the bass player need to be 'tight' otherwise the song feels too loose and sloppy...the same thing applies when playing the rhythm or accompaniment to the melody.
Practice together will eventually cause you to gel, and play 'as one, but different'. Active listening to the other player as they play, as well as good verbal feedback together will being you closer to being 'tight' and 'together', otherwise it is a competition, for loudness, glory and fame.
I'm not sure if this helps with any technique, but it is more of the mindset and approach to 'playing nice with others', but maybe what I've said here can INFORM your technique and be useful in that way.
:music: