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S11LKO
08-15-2018, 12:20 AM
Well, in my last ever post relating to him - and probably the last ever time I put myself out to speak to him (I've now given up being tolerant and Mr Nice Guy where HE is concerned!) - I have to tell you all that my aforementioned completely non-playing, non-singing brother-in-law has returned to form.

I recently covered a song (I posted it in the guitar section here as well as elsewhere) and was delighted to find last night that the original singer/songwriter has liked my version (even though I had a bad cold when doing it lol).

So, obviously, I was keen to share my excitement of this news with others. I WhatsApped my family and friends...

Me: "Dean Friedman has just liked on Twitter my version of one of his songs!!! Coming from one of the greatest singer/songwriters of this century, Iím both chuffed and honoured!!! Widen that doorway for my head, will ya? lolololol x"

Brother-in-law Law: "Now why the f*** would he do that... Why the f*** would he even look at it lol... It's a bit like normal people 'liking' some money kid singing Dancing Queen just because of the disability lol Maybe a bit harsh, but...."

I fully understand that for everyone who likes what any of us do, there are others who don't enjoy it. That's a matter of personal taste and it applies to all of us.

But why do some people feel the need to run down and belittle other people's joy and 'accomplishments' whenever the opportunity arrives? There's enough nastiness in this world already with anyone else deliberately adding to it, isn't there?

DownUpDave
08-15-2018, 12:33 AM
It is the old craps in the bucket scenario, when one crap climbs to the top the others pull him down.

Winners lift people up......losers pull people down

The Pashmeister
08-15-2018, 01:10 AM
Well I'm impressed. Nice one!

Lapyang
08-15-2018, 01:12 AM
Don't let his sxxtty attitude diminish your joy. When he posted that comment, the whole family saw it and knew what a jerk he is. You don't have to respond to crap like that and sink to his level.

Martinlover
08-15-2018, 01:52 AM
Wow that guy must have suffered some trauma as a kid. Like did his dad put him down all the time? He is so jealous and hurting. His comment is a reflection of the bubble he lives in. What a sad place to live. You, just keep on strumming.

And forgot to mention I enjoy your videos, always well done.

SoloRule
08-15-2018, 02:36 AM
Is this person a brother of your wife or husband of your sister?
Some people just can't give compliments and by putting you down must made them feel better of themselves.

Show us his picture, we will throw darts at him.

Osprey
08-15-2018, 03:24 AM
Don’t waste your time or energy worrying about people who are so negative. Concentrate on the positive and forget the rest.

Ukecaster
08-15-2018, 03:30 AM
Open dictionary...look up dick...his picture will be there. Just forget this turd, and block him from all social media, who needs that aggravation?

Jerryc41
08-15-2018, 04:15 AM
Open dictionary...look up dick...his picture will be there. Just forget this turd, and block him from all social media, who needs that aggravation?

Hey, Ukecaster, concerning your avatar - is that how they make pineapple ukuleles? Osmosis? :)

Spicysteve
08-15-2018, 04:51 AM
What an absolutely mean individual. I am still stunned buy his comments. Personally I would go on like he doesn't exist.

kohanmike
08-15-2018, 05:17 AM
Wow that guy must have suffered some trauma as a kid. Like did his dad put him down all the time? He is so jealous and hurting. His comment is a reflection of the bubble he lives in. What a sad place to live. You, just keep on strumming.

My parents were the kind that whatever I did was not good enough, always dwelled on what's bad, no positive reinforcement, and even though I grew up being insecure and with low self esteem, my effort was to always try harder and please everybody, do exactly the opposite of what they did, be nice to people.

I've come to the point where I'm much more secure, but there are times when I fall back. My sister-in-law (married to my identical twin brother) and my cousin visiting from Toronto asked me to play uke for them a few years ago. I started her favorite song, Iz's version of "Over the Rainbow," but she and my cousin broke into laughter (I didn't have much confidence in my singing), I stopped, they just kept laughing and didn't even pay attention that I stopped.

Since then, being a member of a singing uke group, I've become much more secure with my singing, but I'll never play for my sister-in-law or cousin again.

8 tenor cutaway ukes, 3 acoustic bass ukes, 8 solid body bass ukes, 7 mini electric bass guitars

• Donate to The Ukulele Kids Club, they provide ukuleles to children's hospital music therapy programs. http://www.theukc.org
• Member The CC Strummers: https://www.youtube.com/user/CCStrummers/videos (https://www.youtube.com/user/CCStrummers/videos)

S11LKO
08-15-2018, 07:35 AM
Thanks for the input and nice comments everyone, all appreciated, and I feel genuinely sorry that it seems some of you have experienced similar reactions from people who are supposed to be our friends and relatives.
He’s my wife’s brother.

It has been at times somewhat difficult for me recently as it has also become ‘fashionable’ for my gang of ‘friends’ to jokingly mock my playing and singing; but at least I know with them it’s only banter, not vindictive as with him.

But the danger in such ‘mockery’ - even if meant good naturedly - is that if the recipient lacks a little in confidence, damage can be done. I love to watch people making music of whatever type and enjoying themselves. The pleasure for me is watching and listening to THEM getting pleasure from doing it. On the odd occasion I’ve attended an open mic, I always make a point of applauding EVERYONE who performs, WHATEVER their level of ability. It takes no extra effort and makes them feel good.

I’m lucky in that I also have a number of people who DO enjoy what I do and tell me so; many of them members of this site - and I am very grateful for that.

I don’t really let detractors get to me or affect me as that would give them a power over me that I don’t want them to have. I also enjoy doing what I do too much, like ALL of us here or we wouldn’t do it, would we?

I’ve never liked bullies, and still don’t...especially when they’re supposed to be friends or family.

He can go do one from now on. :agree:

hollisdwyer
08-15-2018, 07:51 AM
I have heard it said that there are more sociopaths outside of prison than in. I guess we all run into too many people who have absolutely no empathy nor manners. They have a saying here in Australia “I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire”. I think of that saying often when I run into people like your brother in law and chuckle inside.

MikeHollandGuitar
08-15-2018, 08:22 AM
Dave, I am amazed by the adverse criticism from your friends to your music. I think you are one hell of a performer! A bit baffled really!
As they say in Yorkshire "Dont let them grind you down".
Keep at it......you will have the last laugh!
Regards Mike

Bill Sheehan
08-15-2018, 08:48 AM
I'll "second" Mike's thoughts, and everyone else's, Dave. In a way, I kind of feel sorry for your bro-in-law, because he's probably a little jealous of your musical gift, and it seems that, so often, that leads to a person "talking down" the guy toward whom he feels that jealousy. Maybe if you offer to "teach him a few chords", he'd gain a better appreciation of the skill and practice required to develop into a competent uke player, and would thus be less prone to dish out the wisecracks. Of course, it's also possible, I realize, that it's just not that easy to get through to some folks. But in any event, don't let it get you down! Play (and sing) on !!!

S11LKO
08-15-2018, 09:01 AM
Cheers holisdwyer for that saying - I’m giggling inside now too. lol

Thanks Mike for the praise...I think I love you. lol

Thanks Bill - I have no intention of stopping. He’ll just have to deal with it! lol

SandChannel
08-15-2018, 09:05 AM
Who cares what your brother-in-law thinks? He seems a bit of a putz to be honest.

SoloRule
08-15-2018, 09:08 AM
I still want his photo so we can throw darts at him....I will aim for the eyes.


WAIT...I AM TOO SHORT. I will aim at the knees.

peanuts56
08-15-2018, 09:39 AM
I love Dean's music. What song did you post? Too bad your brother in law threw so much shade your way. Sounds like Dean would make a very cool brother in law. Keep rockin!

ampeep
08-15-2018, 10:26 AM
Hi Dave, was wondering if he's negative about other things besides your music. Could you exclude him from anything dealing with music? No sense sending him stuff that he can criticise.
Regards, Keith

lfoo6952
08-15-2018, 12:20 PM
Dave:

Honestly, I think you have a wonderful voice and play guitar very well. Could the mocking be due to jealousy? You should "un-friend" your brother-in-law from your coal media account, if its possible.

Luke

S11LKO
08-15-2018, 01:01 PM
Thanks for your kind comments Luke.
I already did bar him from all my social accounts this morning. Not through anger or hurt on my part, but if he really doesn't like what I do then I'll keep it away from him to save his ears from bleeding and save him from expending so much unecessarily effort in insulting me. lol

S11LKO
08-15-2018, 01:47 PM
Who cares what your brother-in-law thinks? He seems a bit of a putz to be honest.

Haha. Youíre not the first person Iíve met who thinks that matey!

S11LKO
08-15-2018, 01:51 PM
I still want his photo so we can throw darts at him....I will aim for the eyes.
WAIT...I AM TOO SHORT. I will aim at the knees.

Haha! Now THAT made me laugh out loud!

S11LKO
08-15-2018, 01:52 PM
Hi Dave, was wondering if he's negative about other things besides your music. Could you exclude him from anything dealing with music? No sense sending him stuff that he can criticise.
Regards, Keith

Already done Keith. As you say...no point for him OR for me!

S11LKO
08-15-2018, 01:59 PM
I love Dean's music. What song did you post? Too bad your brother in law threw so much shade your way. Sounds like Dean would make a very cool brother in law. Keep rockin!

lol It wasnít even particularly good my friend, I was running alive with a bad headcold at the time, and Iíve been suffering for quite some time with sinus/throat problems which at last seem to be slowly improving.
As this is the UKULELE forums I wonít post the video again here, but if you want a peek itís on the guitar videos thread at:

https://forum.ukuleleunderground.com/showthread.php?133658-Second-try

Iíve loved Dean Friedman since the 70ís and was honoured to see him live here in the U.K. only three months or so ago. A very clever man.

RafterGirl
08-15-2018, 04:11 PM
Wow. Loved your song. Now I want to find the music for ukulele.

Don’t sweat your bro-in-laws comments. You offered your gift & he refused it. Sad, because it’s his loss. Keep offering your gift to everyone & maybe someday he’ll wake up and realize what he’s missed out on.

hollisdwyer
08-15-2018, 05:17 PM
Just had a look at your video. If I had a voice as good as yours I’d have the confidence to get up at an open mic. Your playing shows great sensitivity and emotion. If your brother in law makes fun of that he is just an a** hole who can’t validate himself unless he tears others down. Pity him. Don’t waste your time getting mad or feeling sad.
You obviously really enjoy what you do. Don’t let anyone distract you from that, life’s too short.

luv2uke
08-15-2018, 07:41 PM
Dave, forget about what your brother in law said. Just keep on playing and singing and entertaining us all and enjoying every minute of it because we here enjoy it.

Booksniffer
08-15-2018, 11:19 PM
I keep seeing the title of this thread and thinking that someone has written a 'Brother-in-Law Blues'...

Maybe you could do that? ;)

Graham Greenbag
08-16-2018, 02:31 AM
Just adding my voice to the many positive ones that have already spoken.

Your wife’s brother is a grade ‘A’ twat and I think that you are right to exclude him from all that you do, or at least as much as is humanly possible. Personally, in your position, I’d be having a conversation with my Mrs about his antisocial actions. Such people should simply be ‘sent to Coventry’ (an English term for everyone refusing to speak to somebody), which is less likely to get you into bother than the cauliflower ear that he so richly deserves.

His comments on your family social media would get a public ‘go forth and multiply’ response from me, accept no sh1t from anybody. In general the only comments that friends and family should be making are positive ones or ones of constructive criticism; those are ‘the rules’ and don’t play to anyone who doesn’t abide by them.

Good Luck and, as someone else has already said, ‘nil carborundum illigitimus’ (don’t let the bast*rds grind you down).

TobyDog
08-16-2018, 03:49 AM
Hey, we should have a dna test, I think we must be related! He sounds like most of my relatives. :) Forget him, let him 'be dead to you'. You can have lots of fun in this world without the jerks.

TobyDog
08-16-2018, 03:52 AM
[QUOTE=Graham Greenbag;2088854]Just adding my voice to the many positive ones that have already spoken.
Such people should simply be ‘sent to Coventry’ (an English term for everyone refusing to speak to somebody),

I like that, 'sent to Coventry'. I guess that's the same as my 'he's dead to me', just more polite.

hollisdwyer
08-16-2018, 04:50 AM
[QUOTE=Graham Greenbag;2088854]Just adding my voice to the many positive ones that have already spoken.
Such people should simply be ‘sent to Coventry’ (an English term for everyone refusing to speak to somebody),

I like that, 'sent to Coventry'. I guess that's the same as my 'he's dead to me', just more polite.

Sent to Coventry = you’re dead to me = I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire. Uk English, USA English, Aussie English. English is such an expressive language.

Jerryc41
08-16-2018, 05:10 AM
Come on, people! Hasn't anyone composed a song with this title yet? :D

I wonder how Will Rogers would like this guy.

ďI never met a man I didnít like.

"Ironically, for somebody who came up with so much Grade A material, most people associate Rogers with a long-lived misquote. In actuality, the full, unaltered line was: ďI joked about every prominent man in my lifetime, but I never met one I didnít like.Ē A few years before his death in 1935, Rogers proposed it as an epitaph for his tombstone. However, the shortened version does appear chiseled upon his final resting place in Claremore, Oklahoma."

http://mentalfloss.com/article/59855/18-timeless-will-rogers-quotes-his-135th-birthday

S11LKO
08-16-2018, 07:33 AM
I keep seeing the title of this thread and thinking that someone has written a 'Brother-in-Law Blues'...Maybe you could do that? ;)

You know what? I may well have a go. Never written a song before but thatíd be fun. Anyone else want a go too? We could start a thread with all our versions! lol

S11LKO
08-16-2018, 07:36 AM
Come on, people! Hasn't anyone composed a song with this title yet? :D

I wonder how Will Rogers would like this guy. “I never met a man I didn’t like.

I’d challenge him with this perisher!! lol

S11LKO
08-16-2018, 08:11 AM
[QUOTE=TobyDog;2088872]

Sent to Coventry = you’re dead to me = I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire. Uk English, USA English, Aussie English. English is such an expressive language.

Haha, indeed! X

S11LKO
08-16-2018, 01:54 PM
Your wife’s brother is a grade ‘A’ twat...

Just re-read that. Haha...trust Graham to call it as he sees it! I’m afraid he has a point though! lol

S11LKO
08-17-2018, 12:00 PM
Never written a song before but that’d be fun.

Just realised on reading my post back, that should’ve read “Never written a song FOR UKULELE before...” - I’ve had a few bashes with my guitars over the years.

Jerryc41
08-18-2018, 01:47 AM
In general the only comments that friends and family should be making are positive ones or ones of constructive criticism...

Yes, very good point.

S11LKO
08-18-2018, 02:10 AM
Indeed my friend, indeed.

Kenn2018
08-18-2018, 12:33 PM
Just listened to your guitar rendition of "Company". Well done! If you had a head cold it wasn't noticeable. (I am real familiar with having to perform with stuffed sinuses and drainage. Allergies in my case.)

Thanks for mentioning Dean Friedman. I had never heard of him before. Being in the States and all. I have since looked up several of his songs and he is great. Your interpretation is very good. I can see why he liked it.

Your brother-in-law has a fragile ego and low self-esteem. So he has to tear others down to make himself feel superior to others. (Much like our President—across the Pond.)

We have, in typical American-style a fake Latin saying: "Illegitimi non carborundum" meaning: "Don't Let the Bastards Grind You Down". It isn't correct Latin by a long shot. But has appeared all over the US at one time or another.

You are a terrific player. He knows it, but can't help belittling you because he wishes he was able to do what you can do. Just chuckle and don't respond. It will make him crazy. And Keep On Carrying On!

S11LKO
08-18-2018, 01:27 PM
Thanks Kenn. I really appreciate you words.