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cpatch
06-12-2009, 01:32 PM
Well, for better or for worse, this marks my 1000th post on UU and to celebrate I'm sponsoring UU's first "Is it Spam?" contest. The rules are pretty simple and you don't need a video or any particular talent to enter. Just reply to this thread with a post that is at least vaguely related to the previous post but which also goes off on somewhat of a tangent that may or may not be considered spam. (In honor of my habit of doing the same.) If you can understand the last sentence you pretty much qualify to enter.

Try to stay ukulele-related as much as possible (or bring it back to ukes if previous posts have wandered.) For the sake of this contest "spam" is defined simply as an unsolicited response. Take that to mean whatever you want but keep it PG rated.

The contest ends on July 4th (or as soon after July 4th as I have a chance to pick a winner) and the winner, selected at random from those who posted, will receive a can of Spam wrapped in a UU t-shirt of their choice. (The runner-up receives two cans of Spam. Just kidding.)

Have fun!

JT_Ukes
06-12-2009, 01:39 PM
This is a great contest!!!

Almost as cool as that "Devil made me Do it" Contest that JT guy is hosting!

anyone see that one?

JT

UkuEroll
06-12-2009, 01:49 PM
This is a great contest!!!

Almost as cool as that "Devil made me Do it" Contest that JT guy is hosting!

anyone see that one?

JT

Congrates on your 1000th Post.
JT I wanted to enter your contest but I'm scared of the Occult:eek:.
JT for some reason your bank has sent me your password, please click one the link below to reset it.

itsaripoff@oneborneveryminute.co.uk

ukulelebadass
06-12-2009, 02:12 PM
Congrates on your 1000th Post.
JT I wanted to enter your contest but I'm scared of the Occult:eek:.
JT for some reason your bank has sent me your password, please click one the link below to reset it.

itsaripoff@oneborneveryminute.co.uk

Your bank password is invalid! Unauthorized access has been made to your account. You can receive a refund of the amount if you respond immediately to the link below with the following information:

What color of car do you drive?
How many days a week do you clip your toenails?
Concerning fresher breath do you prefer mints or gum?
Do you own more than three pairs of underpants?

Respond To:

pb4ugo2bed@imajackass.com

Pueo
06-12-2009, 02:21 PM
Congratulations on your 1000th post Cpatch! I just hit 50 posts myself. I was going to enter JT's contest but I do not yet have the skill to pull off "Friend of the Devil" yet, besides a lot of people have already covered that tune. I work for a bank, well actually a credit union, and I wanted to share with you all an amazing opportunity that was just emailed to me. It seems as though a Nigerian prince has 1000 vintage Kamaka and Martin ukuleles that are in danger of cracking due to the dry Nigerian climate and he is looking for someone in the US who will take good care of them. All you have to do is send him $5000 to pay for shipping them to your house, and he will let you keep them for free! Your kind curtsey in advancing is graet appreciate!

bbycrts
06-12-2009, 02:43 PM
Congratulations on your 1000th post Cpatch! I just hit 50 posts myself. I was going to enter JT's contest but I do not yet have the skill to pull off "Friend of the Devil" yet, besides a lot of people have already covered that tune. I work for a bank, well actually a credit union, and I wanted to share with you all an amazing opportunity that was just emailed to me. It seems as though a Nigerian prince has 1000 vintage Kamaka and Martin ukuleles that are in danger of cracking due to the dry Nigerian climate and he is looking for someone in the US who will take good care of them. All you have to do is send him $5000 to pay for shipping them to your house, and he will let you keep them for free! Your kind curtsey in advancing is graet appreciate!

Don't believe the Nigerian Prince scam! In fact, I can help you get into a career investigating Nigerian Princes - work just three hours a month from home and you'll be making $10,000 in your first week! Email me at:

NoMoreNigerianPrinces@itsallascam.com

cpatch
06-12-2009, 03:16 PM
I've updated the rules to indicate that you should try to stay ukulele-related as much as possible (or bring the topic back to ukuleles if the post before yours wanders). The spam part is meant to have more to do with drifting off the previous topic than with email-related spam. All posts still count though.

mailman
06-12-2009, 03:27 PM
Thanks for the clarification on the rules. Speaking of rules....are there any rules regarding the proper order in which to purchase ukuleles? Is it by size? By cost? By material? Just wondering.....

Uke-lahoma
06-12-2009, 03:31 PM
I've updated the rules to indicate that you should try to stay ukulele-related as much as possible (or bring the topic back to ukuleles if the post before yours wanders). The spam part is meant to have more to do with drifting off the previous topic than with email-related spam. All posts still count though.

I hope I win, because I've been wanting to build a Spam-Can ukulele for quite some time. (After all, cigarbox ukes are SO 20th century.) I think that the Spam-can uke would probably be a soprano, unless the prize is a family-size can of Spam. The project would even include its own tasty snack to have while working on the uke.

LindsayOfSaturn
06-12-2009, 03:36 PM
I hope I win, because I've been wanting to build a Spam-Can ukulele for quite some time. (After all, cigarbox ukes are SO 20th century.) I think that the Spam-can uke would probably be a soprano, unless the prize is a family-size can of Spam. The project would even include its own tasty snack to have while working on the uke.

One can argue whether spam qualifies as a "tasty" snack. I wonder how many hours you'd have to play the uke to burn off the calories in a serving of spam?

Bratset
06-12-2009, 03:38 PM
I hope I win, because I've been wanting to build a Spam-Can ukulele for quite some time. (After all, cigarbox ukes are SO 20th century.) I think that the Spam-can uke would probably be a soprano, unless the prize is a family-size can of Spam. The project would even include its own tasty snack to have while working on the uke.

Would be a nice Uke! :shaka:

Bratset
06-12-2009, 03:38 PM
Spam? :stop:

Bratset
06-12-2009, 03:49 PM
I wonder how many hours you'd have to play the uke to burn off the calories in a serving of spam?

About 7-10 hours a day, at least! :biglaugh: hehe

LindsayOfSaturn
06-12-2009, 04:05 PM
About 7-10 hours a day, at least! :biglaugh: hehe

I know this isnt uke related spam but why does the rofl smiley look like Dracula?

On to some uke related spam, when I think of dracula it makes me wanna hear someone play monstermash on the uke. :D

Bratset
06-12-2009, 04:51 PM
I know this isnt uke related spam but why does the rofl smiley look like Dracula?

On to some uke related spam, when I think of dracula it makes me wanna hear someone play monstermash on the uke. :D

Hmm I don't think it looks so much like dracula :P
When he is facing directly towards me i think it looks a bit like Seeso with mowhawk :shaka:

Uke-lahoma
06-12-2009, 04:56 PM
Hmm I don't think it looks so much like dracula :P
When he is facing directly towards me i think it looks a bit like Seeso with mowhawk :shaka:

In case anyone's interested here are the chords (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/u/uk_subs/mohawk_radio_crd.htm) to "I Wanna Get a Mohawk" by AFI. I'll have to give it a try to see how it's going to sound on the uke.

dominicfoundthemooon
06-12-2009, 05:04 PM
In case anyone's interested here are the chords (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/u/uk_subs/mohawk_radio_crd.htm) to "I Wanna Get a Mohawk" by AFI. I'll have to give it a try to see how it's going to sound on the uke.

i was walking around huntington beach with my UKULELE on my back.. and it seems to get a lot of attention.. and by alot.. like 3 people talk to me about it.. out of 1000000 so yeah.. but still that is 3... on the topic of hair.. MOHAWKS.. i was looking at myself in this mirror when i was trying on a hat.. and i noticed i am thinning up front (sorry alan i know i dont have it like you) but i am FREAKING OUT!! i have been told i have to stop putting hats on my head.. and i just got a new hat.. as you have seen in my videos.. i love hats.. love them.. but yeah.. now i have to stop putting them on my head.. OUCH.. i just hot a new one.. so i do not know what to do.. my hair is super long.. so i think it looks more bald.. i pull it back.. so you can kind of see that area.. and if i had it cut all shaggy.. it would most likely fall forward over said area.. ummm yeah.. is this a rant... does this work? can i get people to look at my ukulele and not my balding head... bring it all back to the uke!

there i am in!

UkuleleHill
06-12-2009, 05:21 PM
Having problems with the size of your Uke? Do you have a soprano and want a Tenor? Everyone knows that tenors get the respect!

Now with the new Uke-Can-Stretch:

http://www.jhs.co.uk/kinsman_stands/ukulele-stand.jpg

YOU CAN ADD 2"-5" in just 3 weeks!

Order yours today for 4 easy payments of just $9.99 plus S/H!

*Shipping and Handling cost may vary by state but will be no less than $75. Once the first payment is made no refunds can be issued.
**Item will be sent upon receiving first payment.
***No refunds or exchanges unless requested before first payment is received.

Bratset
06-12-2009, 05:23 PM
Having problems with the size of your Uke? Do you have a soprano and want a Tenor? Everyone knows that tenors get the respect!

Now with the new Uke-Can-Stretch:

http://www.jhs.co.uk/kinsman_stands/ukulele-stand.jpg

YOU CAN ADD 2"-5" in just 3 weeks!

Order yours today for 4 easy payments of just $9.99 plush S/H!

*Shipping and Handling cost may vary by state but will be no less than $75. Once the first payment is made no refunds can be issued.
**Item will be sent upon receiving first payment.
***No refunds or exchanges unless requested before first payment is received.

hahaha hillarious
I think that my soprano may use some stretching!

dnewton2
06-12-2009, 05:34 PM
Having problems with the size of your Uke? Do you have a soprano and want a Tenor? Everyone knows that tenors get the respect!

Now with the new Uke-Can-Stretch:

http://www.jhs.co.uk/kinsman_stands/ukulele-stand.jpg

YOU CAN ADD 2"-5" in just 3 weeks!

Order yours today for 4 easy payments of just $9.99 plush S/H!

*Shipping and Handling cost may vary by state but will be no less than $75. Once the first payment is made no refunds can be issued.
**Item will be sent upon receiving first payment.
***No refunds or exchanges unless requested before first payment is received.

Does it make the body, you know, BIGGER?

If not I have what you need.

Do you find the body of you uke giving you less then steller volume? With my method I can increase your ukes body but 2-3 %* (Garunteed**) Everyone know BIGGER is BETTER!!! Call me and We can Do business.

*Results vary.
** NOT GARUNTEED

Uke-lahoma
06-12-2009, 05:34 PM
hahaha hillarious
I think that my soprano may use some stretching!

You know, I often see people writing about these stretched-out super soprano ukes, the soprano ukes with a concert neck. What would you call a soprano uke with a tenor neck? A super-stretch soprano? (By the way, that's post #100 for me.)

Uncle-Taco
06-12-2009, 05:48 PM
Sexy, super long-necked sopranos are waiting to meet you and boost your confidence and enhance your masculine package of spam. Raise your action! Project farther, stay in tune longer, enjoy more moving and satisfying solos. No prescription necessary!

CoLmes
06-12-2009, 05:51 PM
I Love Lamp.

wfwhitson
06-12-2009, 06:50 PM
Did you use search first? lol:D

Sorry for that I just had to do it. Maybe the devil made me do it.

To keep it uke related, I love my uke.

cpatch
06-12-2009, 08:38 PM
What would you call a soprano uke with a tenor neck?
Popular. .

LindsayOfSaturn
06-12-2009, 08:46 PM
Popular. .


I wonder how popular cpatch was in high school?

And if musical instruments went to high school, guitar would be the popular kid, and electric guitar would be the bad boy, and clarinet would be the dorky kid. And ukulele would be the short kid, lol.

No offense to any clarinet players, short people, bad boys, or guitarists.

vialde
06-12-2009, 11:14 PM
In high school I was the fat kid who played the tuba. I was also catcher on the baseball team. Now i'm the bearded, balding, middle aged man who plays the ukulele in his spare time...I'm a walking freakn' stereotype.

Bratset
06-13-2009, 02:19 AM
I wonder how popular cpatch was in high school?

And if musical instruments went to high school, guitar would be the popular kid, and electric guitar would be the bad boy, and clarinet would be the dorky kid. And ukulele would be the short kid, lol.

No offense to any clarinet players, short people, bad boys, or guitarists.

Haha that is so true actually! :)
Although at my school I play the Uke while my friend plays guitar and I am loads taller than him ;)

Uke-lahoma
06-13-2009, 04:13 AM
Haha that is so true actually! :)
Although at my school I play the Uke while my friend plays guitar and I am loads taller than him ;)

So, it's sort of the "Tiny Tim effect": tall dude, tiny uke. Do you play a soprano?

Bratset
06-13-2009, 05:08 AM
So, it's sort of the "Tiny Tim effect": tall dude, tiny uke. Do you play a soprano?

Yup :shaka:

Uke-lahoma
06-14-2009, 03:32 AM
And if musical instruments went to high school, guitar would be the popular kid, and electric guitar would be the bad boy, and clarinet would be the dorky kid. And ukulele would be the short kid, lol.

No offense to any clarinet players, short people, bad boys, or guitarists.

One of the advantages to playing ukulele in high school would be the ability to store a uke in the locker. Try that with a tuba!

HaileISela
06-14-2009, 07:44 AM
One of the advantages to playing ukulele in high school would be the ability to store a uke in the locker. Try that with a tuba!

Did you ever have fear of your Uke being stolen from your High School locker?

try out our new Ukecanbesafe:

http://www.homelandsafes.com/images/swsafe.jpghttp://www.homelandsafes.com/images/40blackguitarsafe%20012.jpg

It's good for you, now go and get it!

Bratset
06-14-2009, 07:58 AM
Did you ever have fear of your Uke being stolen from your High School locker?

try out our new Ukecanbesafe:

http://www.homelandsafes.com/images/swsafe.jpghttp://www.homelandsafes.com/images/40blackguitarsafe%20012.jpg

It's good for you, now go and get it!

haha sweet!

wee_ginga_yin
06-14-2009, 08:22 AM
I an thinking of getting a sticker made that says

weapon of mass seduction

cpatch
06-14-2009, 08:39 AM
I wonder how popular cpatch was in high school?
I'm a grown man averaging 5 posts a day on an internet forum for people who play the ukulele, sponsoring a contest where the prize is a can of Spam. Guess.

Bratset
06-14-2009, 09:29 AM
I'm a grown man averaging 5 posts a day on an internet forum for people who play the ukulele, sponsoring a contest where the prize is a can of Spam. Guess.

:music::cool:

wfwhitson
06-14-2009, 11:19 AM
I'm a grown man averaging 5 posts a day on an internet forum for people who play the ukulele, sponsoring a contest where the prize is a can of Spam. Guess.

:smileybounce::smileybounce::rotfl::smileybounce:: smileybounce:

Uke-lahoma
06-15-2009, 04:12 AM
Did you ever have fear of your Uke being stolen from your High School locker?

try out our new Ukecanbesafe:

I like the Ukecanbesafe! Here in Oklahoma, we can climb inside and play our ukes while the tornados pass by.

tsud123
06-15-2009, 07:16 AM
I like the Ukecanbesafe! Here in Oklahoma, we can climb inside and play our ukes while the tornados pass by.

tornadoes are awesome.

you know what else is awesome? this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaUbdIDowJQ

Ukester Brown
06-15-2009, 01:14 PM
If you are ever in Minnesota you have to stop in to the SPAM museum in Austin, Minnesota where Spam is manufactured from swine who are farm raised and literally lining up to be made into this world famous canned meat! As funny as it sounds it is pretty cool and yes they do have a cool gift shop! I have no commercial interest in SPAM other than eating a few cans a year and well, Minnesota pride. http://www.spam.com/games/Museum/default.aspx

sukie
06-15-2009, 01:16 PM
If you are ever in Minnesota you have to stop in to the SPAM museum in Austin, Minnesota where Spam is manufactured from swine who are farm raised and literally lining up to be made into this world famous canned meat! As funny as it sounds it is pretty cool and yes they do have a cool gift shop!

Shhhh...Let's keep that a secret. May need to go there to get prizes for future UU contests. It's a great museum though.

Uke-lahoma
06-16-2009, 03:06 AM
Shhhh...Let's keep that a secret. May need to go there to get prizes for future UU contests. It's a great museum though.

In Chicago they hold an annual contest...to create sculptures using Spam (http://www.planetshwoop.com/spam/mainmenu.html). It would be an ironic twist if the prize for the Spam contest was an ukulele.

ukeshale
06-16-2009, 03:11 AM
Shhhh...Let's keep that a secret. May need to go there to get prizes for future UU contests. It's a great museum though.

http://home.comcast.net/~ukecat/ukeset.html this an online uke museum, at least i think it's just online, haven't given it a proper look. No spam prizes for finding out if it is or isn't... I once saw 'a lifetime supply of spam' as a prize on tv (at least i think it was spam, it could've been... anything else) - what defines 'lifetime supply' though? Surely some eat more spam in a lifetime than others...

smgold101
06-16-2009, 06:44 AM
http://home.comcast.net/~ukecat/ukeset.html this an online uke museum, at least i think it's just online, haven't given it a proper look. No spam prizes for finding out if it is or isn't... I once saw 'a lifetime supply of spam' as a prize on tv (at least i think it was spam, it could've been... anything else) - what defines 'lifetime supply' though? Surely some eat more spam in a lifetime than others...


Lifetime supply of spam probably is just some of our great UU members (no names) In a can. They just talk and talk and talk for the rest of your life. But occasionally a nice nugget of ukulele talk gets thrown in lol :D Love you guys haha

Dirka
06-16-2009, 10:26 AM
Lifetime supply of spam probably is just some of our great UU members (no names) In a can. They just talk and talk and talk for the rest of your life. But occasionally a nice nugget of ukulele talk gets thrown in lol :D Love you guys haha

Like the chunks in chunky peanut butter :D I wonder how spam and peanut butter would go together? Someone should write a song about that.

sukie
06-16-2009, 10:31 AM
Lifetime supply of spam probably is just some of our great UU members (no names) In a can. They just talk and talk and talk for the rest of your life. But occasionally a nice nugget of ukulele talk gets thrown in lol :D Love you guys haha

Who do you mean?:rotfl:

Bratset
06-16-2009, 11:13 AM
Lifetime supply of spam probably is just some of our great UU members (no names) In a can. They just talk and talk and talk for the rest of your life. But occasionally a nice nugget of ukulele talk gets thrown in lol :D Love you guys haha

haha! :rotfl:

Uke-lahoma
06-17-2009, 04:30 AM
Traditional spam filters attempt to filter out the trash messages, leaving the desirables behind. Perhaps we can develop a different type of spam filter that will filter out the ukulele-related messages and put them at the head of the queue to be read.

I know... the new spam/uke filter can be called a spuke filter!

Uke-lahoma
06-17-2009, 04:33 AM
Traditional spam filters attempt to filter out the trash messages, leaving the desirables behind. Perhaps we can develop a different type of spam filter that will filter out the ukulele-related messages and put them at the head of the queue to be read.

I know... the new spam/uke filter can be called a spuke filter!

And those uke-related messages came to be known as spukey email. (Okay, it's time to quit; I'm responding to my own posts.)

sukie
06-17-2009, 08:41 AM
And those uke-related messages came to be known as spukey email. (Okay, it's time to quit; I'm responding to my own posts.)

Getting awfully close to my name. I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this.:eek:

Uke-lahoma
06-18-2009, 05:05 AM
The contest ends on July 4th (or as soon after July 4th as I have a chance to pick a winner) and the winner, selected at random from those who posted, will receive a can of Spam wrapped in a UU t-shirt of their choice. (The runner-up receives two cans of Spam. Just kidding.)

My guess is that the contest will end after July 4, because on the 4th you'll be reclining on the veranda, cold glass of lemonade at your side, gently strumming "In the Good Ol' Summertime" (or "School's Out" by Alice Cooper) on your Kanile'a, with the scent of "Spam on the barbie" wafting through the air.

Ahnko Honu
06-18-2009, 07:32 AM
Hawaiians LOVE SPAM! :shaka:
http://mentalfloss.cachefly.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/hawaii-spam.jpg

Uke-lahoma
06-18-2009, 09:16 AM
Hawaiians LOVE SPAM! :shaka:


It's true! Check out this "Spam Jam" photo from the Spam home page:

http://i632.photobucket.com/albums/uu42/bem_bucket/SpamFestival.png

You can bet they had uke music at the jam!

specialmike
06-18-2009, 10:42 AM
Hawaiians LOVE SPAM! :shaka:
http://mentalfloss.cachefly.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/hawaii-spam.jpg

Do Hawaiians have a higher rate of heart attacks because of all the sodium they consume?

Uke-lahoma
06-18-2009, 11:17 AM
Hawaiians LOVE SPAM! :shaka:
http://mentalfloss.cachefly.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/hawaii-spam.jpg

By the way, I LOVE the "spam sushi" pictured on the can!

Russ Sonny Kemner
06-18-2009, 12:30 PM
As members of the Ukulele Underground, and avid listeners of fabulous ukulele driven Hawaiian Music present at the SPAM JAM you may be interested in a reasonable time share availability I am currently offering in Waikiki, which coincidentally happens to be available during the SPAM JAM!!

I also have time shares available this summer and fall ('09) in Sydney Australia for the Sydney Shrimp on the Barby Extravaganza, Munich Germany for the Schnitzel Show Down, and Austin Texas for ' Bar B Uke on the Range'.

E-mail me within the next 48 hours and I'll throw in my time share slot for the Logan West Virginia Potted Meat and Lamb Fry Fest.

rkemner2@comcast.net

mctrmt
06-18-2009, 01:56 PM
Does anybody know if Vegemite or Marmite can be reliably used as a way to polish a fretboard? I think mine is rosewood, but I'm not sure. Will that make a difference?

LindsayOfSaturn
06-18-2009, 06:57 PM
If you can stand smelling it long enough to use it to clean than you deserve a prize!

Uke-lahoma
06-19-2009, 04:18 AM
Finished the prototype spamulele. Obviously my Honu was an influence in the design.

http://i632.photobucket.com/albums/uu42/bem_bucket/Spamulele.png

Bratset
06-21-2009, 04:10 AM
http://www.crunchgear.com/wp-content/photos/spam.gif
Oh yeah!

Dirka
06-21-2009, 07:38 AM
Not quite uke-related, but strongly SPAM related: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anwy2MPT5RE

How come nobody posted that one yet?

Bratset
06-21-2009, 07:44 AM
Not quite uke-related, but strongly SPAM related: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anwy2MPT5RE

How come nobody posted that one yet?

hahaha :bowdown:

LindsayOfSaturn
06-21-2009, 08:32 AM
Not quite uke-related, but strongly SPAM related: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anwy2MPT5RE

How come nobody posted that one yet?

http://www.mentalfloss.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/spam-special.jpg

LindsayOfSaturn
06-21-2009, 08:34 AM
http://www.crunchgear.com/wp-content/photos/spam.gif
Oh yeah!

Maybe these were the guests? :confused:

http://www.cowineco.com/stuff/contentmgr/files/f1d3de434f44968a26c060d708f8fba4/misc/spam.jpg

Bratset
06-21-2009, 08:40 AM
Maybe these were the guests? :confused:

http://www.cowineco.com/stuff/contentmgr/files/f1d3de434f44968a26c060d708f8fba4/misc/spam.jpg

hehe :rock:

cpatch
06-29-2009, 08:12 AM
Just a reminder that this contest ends Saturday so get your spam entries in now! (I'll save you the trouble of hunting down the rules...to enter just add a post to the thread that is related to the previous post but goes off on a tangent, preferable uke-related.)

LindsayOfSaturn
06-29-2009, 09:19 AM
In some uke related spam. I wonder how many Ukuleles will be purcahsed by UU'ers between now and saturday? I wonder if anyone has ever calculated how many ukes are purchased from UU'ers a week....and how much the percentage of all total uke sales are generated by us. It would be an interesting fact.

pink flamingo
06-29-2009, 10:45 AM
In some uke related spam. I wonder how many Ukuleles will be purcahsed by UU'ers between now and saturday? I wonder if anyone has ever calculated how many ukes are purchased from UU'ers a week....and how much the percentage of all total uke sales are generated by us. It would be an interesting fact.

the lonely ukulele
- a poem

He was the lonely ukulele
wasting away on an attic somewhere
unloved, unwanted, unstringed ...unheard

He was the lonely ukulele
the mice ate slowly away at his nut
his high G turned low all on it's own

He was the lonely ukulele
sometimes the sun filtered through and
he'd remember the days the music played

He was the lonely ukulele
he used to get his owner laid
by doing just a simple serenade

He was the lonely ukulele
replaced, cast away, forgotten
oh, the fun they used to have

He was the lonely ukulele
the old master of the Hawaiian vamp
now being sold in a sale for 5 cents

He was the lonely ukulele
a child's hand grabs him by his neck
''look mum, look, how so very cute''


''Oh honey please you're too old for a toy instrument''

(based on a true story)

jazzy
06-29-2009, 10:54 AM
Pink Flamingos, a film by John Waters, can be found here at www.imdb.com/title/tt0069089/ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069089/)

Did you go to school with John Waters? See who was voted "Most Likely to Play Ukulele Professionally" at http://www.classmates.com

cashew
06-29-2009, 11:55 AM
MMM.. Waters... I love to drink water when playing my uke and eating my....

http://www.mentalfloss.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/spam-special.jpg
but avast!
I trump ye...

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2484/3672393125_6ee6b3d8ec.jpg

Some quotes from the can:
"What is your quest? To wonder at the marvel of a brilliant new musical with lots of singing, dancing and fake swordplay? Or is your quest simply to enjoy he perfect sandwich? To find something better to have with your eggs whilst in the morning shad of your finest shrubbery? Well, noble crusader, look ye no further. This golden honey and premium pork treat will fulfill your every want, your peckish nibbly avatar!"

"Fully Cooked, Ready to eat-Cold or Hot.

Taketh thine SPAM slices and fry it thusly for exactly 2 minutes. No more, No less. 1 minute is too little and yet 3 minutes be far longer than thou needeth. Then thou shalt flippeth the SPAM and repeateth these instructions until it be crispy and browned upon both sides of this most tasty provision. The resulting diving creation shalt be lobbed into thine mouth rapidly. For this is the law of SPAM golden honey grail."

Uke-lahoma
06-29-2009, 12:43 PM
In some uke related spam. I wonder how many Ukuleles will be purcahsed by UU'ers between now and saturday? I wonder if anyone has ever calculated how many ukes are purchased from UU'ers a week....and how much the percentage of all total uke sales are generated by us. It would be an interesting fact.

I also would like to know what percentage of uke sales MGM will see from UUers between now and Saturday. I was visiting his site just today, and saw this sweet G String Koa Tenor Ukulele shown below. As usual, Mike has thrown in lots of extra goodies, including a can of a certain meat-like substance.

http://i632.photobucket.com/albums/uu42/bem_bucket/SpamMGM.png

LindsayOfSaturn
06-29-2009, 01:41 PM
reminds me of happy meal toys....

They should put these in happy meals in hawaii!--> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY-pgnJuhtM&feature=PlayList&p=177BD4C76459CBAC&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=3

saw this video the other day, and thought it was amazing! "Can you make them any bigger?"

wee_ginga_yin
06-29-2009, 02:06 PM
I kid you not in Finland there is an Energy drink called SPAM

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3098/2385274310_99928b8005_b.jpg

Uke-lahoma
07-01-2009, 02:41 AM
reminds me of happy meal toys....

They should put these in happy meals in hawaii!--> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY-pgnJuhtM&feature=PlayList&p=177BD4C76459CBAC&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=3

saw this video the other day, and thought it was amazing! "Can you make them any bigger?"

When my sons were young, we couldn't walk through the house without tripping over dozens of happy meal toys. (Anyone remember the little plastic 'California Raisins' characters?) Over the years, we sold them for little at garage sales. Now, I wish I'd kept them so I could sell them for a lot on eBay.

On the topic of garage sales, has anyone had any luck finding ukes (good or bad) at garage sales? I live in rural Oklahoma, and I've yet to find a uke in a garage sale. I have this dream of stumbling across a vintage Kamaka for $5 or $10.

LindsayOfSaturn
07-01-2009, 08:52 AM
When my sons were young, we couldn't walk through the house without tripping over dozens of happy meal toys. (Anyone remember the little plastic 'California Raisins' characters?) Over the years, we sold them for little at garage sales. Now, I wish I'd kept them so I could sell them for a lot on eBay.

On the topic of garage sales, has anyone had any luck finding ukes (good or bad) at garage sales? I live in rural Oklahoma, and I've yet to find a uke in a garage sale. I have this dream of stumbling across a vintage Kamaka for $5 or $10.

my neighborhood had a string of garage sales not too far back, and I was hunting for a uke or any guitar, but no such luck....

hugmepleaze
07-03-2009, 07:10 PM
my neighborhood had a string of garage sales not too far back, and I was hunting for a uke or any guitar, but no such luck....
Hunting with a ukulele is difficult.

Uke-lahoma
07-04-2009, 04:27 AM
Do you use a single shot or semi-automatic uke when hunting? :)

mailman
07-04-2009, 05:27 AM
I've been hunting for one of those double-barreled ukes....you know, the ones with two necks? They seem to be rare critters; I'll be lucky if I bag one....

josuegroundhog
07-04-2009, 09:07 AM
Oh man! Those double barrel ukes are freaking awesome!

I’d love to get my hands on one of those things. I don’t know if I’d use it for hunting very much. In fact, I don’t even hunt very much. It’s not really that I object to hunting or killing or eating meat or hanging trophies on your wall, it’s more that I object to hiding in the woods for hours on end trying to shoot something that is just as likely to wander into my backyard when I get home. I live in a relatively rural area surrounded by mountains and woods. The Appalachian Trail runs about a mile in front of my house and my property backs up to a game preserve so I have all manner of woodland creatures around. Most of them are eatable or at least huntable. We have deer, opossum, raccoon, cats, black bears, hikers, turkeys, occasional bobcats, coyotes, and all sorts of other critters (not really. Maybe mice. But if I could have thought of other critters I woulda listed them.) So I could hunt. I even have guns. I also have camouflage from playing paintball in these same woods so many years ago. I guess I just find that it’s far more efficient to have friends who hunt and end up with an abundance of meat they can’t use. Basically every fall I just start challenging all my big ego, big hunter friends. I comment on how great some other guy’s deer meat or turkey or whatever was. Then I point out that Buddy A claims to hunt and get great meat but never produces any. By the end of the season I usually have a freezer full. In fact, it’s July and I still have a couple tenderloins left. Of course I am totally appreciative of it. I mean you have to be for it to work next year. On the other hand, I’m usually pretty appreciative of any free food. For that matter, I’m appreciative of almost anything free.

I’d estimate that about half of my wardrobe is free stuff. I really think I’ve grown to prefer hand-me-downs over store bought clothing. Just a few weeks ago I replaced an old ripped up pair of lightweight hiking pants that a fellow gave me with a nearly identical pair that I paid $50 for. I hate my new ones and miss my old ones. I can’t figure out why except that I paid 50 bucks for a pair of pants (Not that I object to spending money on fly threads. Last year I paid a pretty penny for some Armani velvet pants. Those things are awesome!) It does really help to be close to people of means who routinely replace significant amounts of their wardrobes. I guess wearing the stuff and looking appreciative when they hand you a bag of clothes helps to though. And it saves them the trouble of going down to the Goodwill or Salvation Army because I’ll come pick up free stuff. When I’m done I really enjoy being able to pass the stuff along too. My little sister’s boyfriend takes a lot of my old stuff. I need to get him an ukulele. He'd dig that but I’m down to one now. It’s my current favorite. Probably porcause MGM gave it to me. My last one did say “THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS” on it. I loved that. But so does MaryAnne. (That’s who I gave it to.)

I think my compulsive desire to give away my belongings comes from my mother’s father. He was an old railroad man who lived out in the sticks in northern Kentucky. He was a terribly generous guy. He’d give away just about anything… as long as you didn’t ask for it. That would upset him. I remember my aunt’s used to spend forever picking the perfect gift and all chipping in to get the best for him and he’d turn around and Deach the gift to whomever he thought would like it better. I remember one Christmas they decided to get him a really nice set of binoculars. Grandpa used to feed birds and he had birdfeeders all over his property (it was a small farm. 12 acres clear if I remember right.) So all three girls shop around and get him this really nice set of binoculars so he can watch his birds. He loved them. They were so proud. Then Uncle George came over and Grandpa just handed him the binoculars. “Here Georgie. You can have these things.” Hahaha…..
You know come to think of it, Grandpa was a jerk.

Maybe not though… I mean the guy shared ice cream with a dog. He had this old shaggy dog named Humpy. I never understood why we called him that. It’s not like ole Humpy looked like a camel or dromedary or anything. See, Grandpa used to restore Model T and Model A Fords. One of his favorites was always this 1927 T Model Depot Hack. That’s the one with the bed with a roof on it. It did have an electric start which eliminated broken wrists from the hand crank spinning back on you. In the summer Grandpa would pile whatever kids were around into the Hack and Humpy would jump up front. We’d all ride up to the little store a few miles from the house and get ice cream. Grandpa always shared a chocolate ice cream cone with Humpy.

That was probably more than 20 years ago now but it apparently made quite the impression on me. I even take my dog for ice cream. Well, I take one of my dogs. Samson doesn’t get to go because he likes to bite people. I leave him at home so he can bite anyone who wants to burgle my house. And I don’t take Daisy. She is a little short legged Beagle. She’s pretty worthless. She will tree opossums from time to time but usually only if she found a hole in the fence, is on someone else’s land, it is very bad weather, I have somewhere very important to be, I’m dressed inappropriately to wander in the woods, and I don’t have a firearm to shoot her and leave her at the base of the tree. So she doesn’t get ice cream. I do take Zeke for ice cream. He’s a four year old English Lab. He’s not the brightest dog in the world but he’s a pretty loving and lovable dog. I hate labs. But chicks dig him. So I take him for ice cream.

I took him to this little place called Bratcher’s off of 460 just inside the city line last week. There were about 100 motorcycles in the parking lot when I got there. I was talking to this biker chick and she found out that I was gonna give Zeke chocolate ice cream. She got all upset and really loud over giving a dog chocolate. Several other people joined in. I decided not to argue with them. Really it’s something in real chocolate, like cocoa and in some quality dark chocolate that dogs shouldn’t have. But even at that it’s not like Zeke gets the bucket. We’re going to share it. And he’s a big dumb lab. He eats all kinds of crazy stuff and does just fine. But I relented and we had vanilla. I think Zeke was a little disappointed too. Usually, at Bratcher’s, I share chocolate with him. If we are at the Salem Ice Cream Parlor (our favorite ice cream joint), Zeke gets a kiddie cone of chocolate and I get an old fashioned ice cream soda.

The Salem Ice Cream Parlor is one of the only places left that I know of where you can still get an old fashioned soda. That’s the ice cream with soda water and syrup (usually chocolate but it’s awesome if they have vanilla to put in.) It tastes kind of like a float but without the soft drink (or soda, or pop, or whatever). I thought for certain you could still get an ice cream soda at the General Store in Gruene, Texas but last time I was there they didn’t have them. So I go to the Salem Ice Cream Parlor for them. They are usually a lot better at the end of the summer than at the beginning of the summer. Early in the summer all the summer help newly hired high school kids are just starting. I get a kick out of the dumbfounded faces I get when I order. I’ve even had to point out the OLD FASHIONED SODA on the menu before. Fortunately, a few years back the owner (who’s name escapes me at the moment) made a little sign explaining how to make them and hung it near the shake machine. I don’t like to point it out unless absolutely necessary because it makes me feel like a jerk.

Of course, if any of those punks ever dated any of my sisters I’d probably give them stuff and then I’d feel like less of a jerk. I wouldn’t say that I’d give them all ukuleles though. I usually only give those to people who have expressed a serious interest in really playing and don’t necessarily have the disposable cash to run out and buy a couple. Not that I have the disposable cash to run out and buy a couple either. I mean, I have a decent job and earn a moderate wage for the work I perform but I don’t really have much extra money at all. I do get good health insurance and a car. But I don’t really make that much. In fact, I accept hand me down clothes to save money on buying new ones. I don’t have very many nice things and I don’t really live extravagantly.

I do like to go out and enjoy a really nice meal or something from now and then. But normally I just eat at the house with the dogs. We eat pinto beans and rice a lot. It’s cheap, easy, and nutritious. Just like Spam. Spam is great. They even make a low sodium spam. It’s 25% less sodium than Spam Classic. I prefer the low sodium if it’s available at Kroger (our local grocer). Sometimes they don’t have the low sodium Spam but that’s okay. I’ll accept the Classic. It is classic after all. I don’t choose low sodium because of any real health benefits or anything. I just find that most canned foods or restaurant foods taste really salty. I don’t eat fast food and I don’t really salt anything (except the front sidewalk in winter. And I put rock salt in the water softener) so most store foods taste really salty to me. It’s probably healthier anyway so that works out.

I usually try to eat healthier foods when they are available. I really just like them better. For example I think deer meat tastes way better than store bought beef. We have a lot of deer around here. I should start hunting this fall. I might even get me one of those double barreled ukuleles to take with me.

Those things are freakin' awesome!


http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2197/2498396591_fdcde0617b.jpg?v=0

This was my 1000th post. Just for you Cpatch!

sukie
07-04-2009, 10:42 AM
That has got to be the winner.

Outstanding!!!

mailman
07-04-2009, 11:41 AM
That has got to be the winner.

Outstanding!!!

I'm still amazed that I actually read the whole thing! :D

sukie
07-04-2009, 07:42 PM
Scary that we did, isn't it?

josuegroundhog
07-05-2009, 07:04 AM
That is scary! I mean that was three pages in wordperfect! I didn't really bother to correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling as I went. I figure that pouring out honesty from the heart was acceptable without correcting grammar. You know, for the internets it's good enough. and I'm gonna leave this post about the same porcause I got off work at 4am and just got outta bed. Now I have 5 hours to shower, procrastinate schoolwork, do laundry, chase another opossum off the porch, workout, and feed MaryAnne's cats before I go back to work. Oh yeah... I need to eat too. I may steal some Spam when I go to her house to feed the cats. I'll probably tune up her ukulele too. She doesn't have a tuner and it gets outta whack from time to time.

Scary isn't it?

Uke-lahoma
07-05-2009, 08:20 AM
Be careful that you tune the uke before you eat the Spam. You'd hate to get Spam on the uke; MaryAnne could come home to find the cat chewing on her ukulele. And, who knows whether Spam is safe for consumption by cats?

On the other hand, I guess its possible that Spam and certain brands of canned cat food are made on the same production line, and then just go to different canning areas.

cpatch
07-05-2009, 08:56 AM
Thanks to everyone for participating in the contest and for demonstrating a remarkable talent for almost staying on topic! The winner, by random drawing, is...Uncle-Taco! And, as an added bonus, an extra can of spam (but no shirt) goes to josuegroundhog for what may be the longest post ever on UU.

Here's to the next 1,000 posts.

sukie
07-05-2009, 01:15 PM
Congrats! If josue... doesn't deserve a can of spam I don't know who does.

CoffeeMate
07-05-2009, 01:35 PM
I had no idea Kroger was still around, interesting.

Congrats to the winnahzzz

ukeshale
07-05-2009, 02:43 PM
congrats guys! way fun contest!

thanks to cpatch for hosting it! :shaka:

mailman
07-05-2009, 04:01 PM
Well done, guys! It was fun while it lasted. We'll have to do it again sometime....

Speaking of sometime, did I ever tell you about the time.... :D

josuegroundhog
07-05-2009, 06:57 PM
http://www.pythonline.com/files/pythonline/images/python10.preview.JPG

SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!!


WooHoo!!!!!


Thanks Craig!!!!

Bratset
07-05-2009, 09:53 PM
Grats to the winners!