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pirate looks at 40
12-23-2009, 03:57 PM
I've been on the boards for awhile, but i didn't post much. So I've decided that i'd post a song I wrote, and If you could please take the time to critique it, that would be well appreciated, thank you =]

I remember the day
that you ended things with me
the man on the t.v said it was 90 degrees
but i was feelin pretty cold that day

and it took me about a day or two
to realize i shouldn't dwell on you
and at that moment i thought of a song that goes like this

[chorus]
Yea you didn't think we were doin so hot
even though i didn't want it to stop
I'm not gonna spend my time thinkin bout you
i've got more important things to do

and maybe if this lasted a lil longer
it probably would've hit me
much harder
but now i've got my mind all set and through
i'll keep on living, yea without you

[verse 2]
And I remember bein frozen in a sort of daze
But i still managed to keep my head raised
And for awhile nobody knew

Yea sure all the times we had were fun
But i guess i could get that from anyone
And I'm pretty sure you could too


[bridge]
If you thought
that we had wasted time
please
don't tell me
Cause i think through it all
i grew...

[instrumental]

[chorus]
Yea you didn't think we were doin so hot
even though i didn't want it to stop
I'm not gonna spend my time thinkin bout you
i've got more important things to do

and maybe if this lasted a lil longer
it probably would've hit me
much harder
but now i've got my mind all set and through
i'll keep on living, yea without you

oooo, without youu

oh I'll keep on,
singing, dancing, doing what im doinn
oh yeaa, without you

video with music soon, and again if you could critique it that would be swell, thanks =]

pirate looks at 40
01-07-2010, 01:27 PM
i didnt post any chords dude.

ruth7784
01-07-2010, 01:44 PM
Hi Pirate, I think maybe you could do with cutting the last chorus out, having the bridge after the second verse, before the chorus? I don't think it needs a third chorus, what do you think? Have you done video yet? :-) X

pirate looks at 40
01-07-2010, 02:10 PM
thanks for your input man, i haven't done the video yet, but i will try it w/out the third chorus, and if I like it I'll keep it hahaa. Btw, you can just call me brandon =]

pirate looks at 40
01-12-2010, 09:20 AM
so i changed the song up if you might notice, and i think i'm gonna make the video in about a week or so. =]