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h-drix
06-26-2008, 03:59 PM
Everyone needs a good lol now and then, what are some good uke jokes.

now i could do a google search but that would be incredible boring now wouldn't it. :D

seeso
06-26-2008, 04:12 PM
What's the difference between a uke player and a large pepperoni pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four .

UKISOCIETY
06-27-2008, 03:22 AM
What's "perfect pitch"?

When you throw the ukulele into the garbage can without hitting the rim.

SailQwest
06-27-2008, 03:42 AM
When people ask if his ukulele is a guitar, Rich likes to tell them, "Yes, and so far I've learned to play the first four strings." :D

brokenwing
06-27-2008, 03:44 AM
You could just take all the accordian jokes and insert "ukulele":D

LonnaB
06-27-2008, 05:11 AM
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?


Who cares, neither one is an ukulele!

Hikingstevo
06-27-2008, 08:45 AM
A banjo player and his wife were woken at 3 o'clock in the morning by loud knocking on the door.
The banjo player got up, went to the door and found a ukulele player standing in the pouring rain.
"I need a push", said the ukulele player.
"Not a chance", said the banjo player, "it's 3 o'clock in the morning", slammed the door and went back to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some ukulele player bloke asking for a push", he answered.
"Did you help him?", she asked.
"No, I did not, it's 3 o'clock in the morning and it's pouring rain outside" he said.
"Well, .... you have a short memory", said the wife, "don't you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two nice young men helped us?. I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself".
The banjo player does as he's told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.
He called out into the dark night, "Hello, are you still there?".
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?", called the banjo player.
"Yes please", came the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?", asked the banjo player.
The ukulele player replied, "Over here on the swing".

seeso
06-27-2008, 12:50 PM
A banjo player and his wife were woken at 3 o'clock in the morning by loud knocking on the door.
The banjo player got up, went to the door and found a ukulele player standing in the pouring rain.
"I need a push", said the ukulele player.
"Not a chance", said the banjo player, "it's 3 o'clock in the morning", slammed the door and went back to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some ukulele player bloke asking for a push", he answered.
"Did you help him?", she asked.
"No, I did not, it's 3 o'clock in the morning and it's pouring rain outside" he said.
"Well, .... you have a short memory", said the wife, "don't you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two nice young men helped us?. I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself".
The banjo player does as he's told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.
He called out into the dark night, "Hello, are you still there?".
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?", called the banjo player.
"Yes please", came the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?", asked the banjo player.
The ukulele player replied, "Over here on the swing".

Haha hah! That was great! Keep 'em coming!

jjsdad
06-27-2008, 02:59 PM
Can anyone come up with a good answer to the following classic questions: ;)

Q: How many ukulele players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Q: Why did the ukulele player cross the street?

Q: What's the difference between a ukulele player and a guitar player?

Q: Why does a ukulele only have 4 strings?

Q: Why is the ukulele the easiest instrument to learn?

:D

UkuLeLesReggAe
06-27-2008, 03:12 PM
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?


Who cares, neither one is an ukulele!

LMFAO! +rep hahaha, made me laugh :)

fxmatador
06-27-2008, 03:45 PM
What did the soprano ukulele say to the baritone ukulele?

Yea, but how big is your wenis? ;)

h-drix
06-27-2008, 07:05 PM
Can anyone come up with a good answer to the following classic questions: ;)

Q: How many ukulele players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A)10, 1 to screw it in, 8 to comment on how fast aldrines fingers are and the last to spam random stuff. =p
Q: Why did the ukulele player cross the street?
A)to try to find his other strings
Q: What's the difference between a ukulele player and a guitar player?
A)the guitar gets the money AND girls
Q: Why does a ukulele only have 4 strings?
A)cause we cant count to six
Q: Why is the ukulele the easiest instrument to learn?
A)CAUSE OF UU :bowdown:
:D

HAHAHA best i could do at 1 in the mourning.

Bassukuguy
06-27-2008, 09:03 PM
What did the soprano ukulele say to the baritone ukulele?

i feel that a better answer is, Look at that huge nut...

Guting
06-28-2008, 03:07 AM
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?


Who cares, neither one is an ukulele!


lolz !

Fred Miu
06-28-2008, 07:08 AM
i feel that a better answer is, Look at that huge nut...



LOL ahahaa sounds better

Crow
06-28-2008, 08:40 AM
Here's the oldest one on record:

A ukulele player suddenly realizes he left his vintage ukulele out in his car over night. He rushes outside and his heart drops when he sees that his car window is broken. Fearing the worst, he peeks through the window and finds that there are now five ukuleles in his car.

h-drix
06-28-2008, 08:51 AM
HAHAHA best one yet. ++

edmundwhitehead
06-29-2008, 07:29 AM
What is the difference between a ukulele and a trampoline? People take their shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

Bassukuguy
06-29-2008, 09:30 AM
What is the Range of a Tenor Ukulele?
-about 20-30 feet depending on the wind...

What is the diffrence Between a Banjo and a Ukulele?
-it takes half as long to burn a ukulele...

What do you call a ukulele player who broke up with his girlfriend?
-Homeless...

What is the diffrence between a Ukulele player, and a Savings bond?
-a savings bond will eventually mature and make money...

What is the diffrence between a ukulele and an onion?
-nobody cries when you cut up a ukulele...

How many ukulele players does it take to change a lightbulb?
-five, one to actually do it and four to say how much better Jake Shimabukuro would have done it

and i am done... hopefully someone laughed...

Bassukuguy

lovemissheather
06-29-2008, 10:05 AM
and i am done... hopefully someone laughed...

Bassukuguy

feel accomplished, cause i sure did laugh. :)

UkuleleBlake
06-29-2008, 11:52 AM
What is the Range of a Tenor Ukulele?
-about 20-30 feet depending on the wind...

What is the diffrence Between a Banjo and a Ukulele?
-it takes half as long to burn a ukulele...

What do you call a ukulele player who broke up with his girlfriend?
-Homeless...

What is the diffrence between a Ukulele player, and a Savings bond?
-a savings bond will eventually mature and make money...

What is the diffrence between a ukulele and an onion?
-nobody cries when you cut up a ukulele...

How many ukulele players does it take to change a lightbulb?
-five, one to actually do it and four to say how much better Jake Shimabukuro would have done it

and i am done... hopefully someone laughed...

Bassukuguy

Those were hilarious. I'm still trying to think of some. I died at:

What do you call a ukulele player who broke up with his girlfriend?
-Homeless...

Hahaha.

sortaukey
06-29-2008, 12:16 PM
What does it mean if the ukulele player is drooling out of the left side of his mouth?

The stage is un-even

Bassukuguy
06-30-2008, 01:15 AM
Two guys were walking down the street, One was destitute, The other was a ukulele player as well.

Why don't ukulele players ever catch a cold?
-Even a virus has some pride.

What do Ukulele players use as birth control?
-their personalities

How do you fit 100 drummers in a phone booth?
-Throw in a food stamp

What's the last thing a Ukulele Player says in a band?
"Hey guys, let's do one of my songs."

How many ukulele players does it take to cover a Iz tune?
Evidently all of them.

How do you make a million dollars playing uke?
Start with two million.

What's the difference between a ukulele player and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathizers.

ChamorroDT
06-30-2008, 06:53 AM
What's the last thing a Ukulele Player says in a band?
"Hey guys, let's do one of my songs."




Sadly...I was playing with my friends, just jammin to some Pau Hana and Three Plus, ya know...and then I said...

"Hey guys, lets do one of my songs".....yeah....that died out quickly hahaha

tad
06-30-2008, 08:52 AM
A lot of these seem to be recycled drummer jokes.

Well, it's not a uke joke, but I'll throw out one more:

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer!

Bassukuguy
06-30-2008, 09:55 AM
your right tad, these are just recycled "other musician" jokes... but have you ever heard someone do them with ukulele? meh it works for me...

tad
06-30-2008, 12:11 PM
your right tad, these are just recycled "other musician" jokes... but have you ever heard someone do them with ukulele? meh it works for me...

Hey, don't get me wrong-- I love the drummer jokes, especially...

h-drix
06-30-2008, 01:23 PM
Hey, don't get me wrong-- I love the drummer jokes, especially...

:mad:HEY I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT:mad:

/is a drummer...its all so true:uhoh:...oh so true:(

Craig
06-30-2008, 01:55 PM
I always enjoyed Krusty the Klown's comment. He states, "A ukulele is a thinking man's violin!"

mctrmt
07-02-2008, 07:45 AM
I always enjoyed Krusty the Klown's comment. He states, "A ukulele is a thinking man's violin!"

I tell people that when they ask if that's a violin in the case I'm carrying around.

seeso
11-16-2009, 05:08 AM
What does the average ukulele player get on an IQ test?
Drool.

What do you call a beautiful woman on a ukulele player's arm?
A tattoo.

RevWill
11-16-2009, 05:23 AM
Teacher: Where do you find the Aegean Sea?
Student: On the first, fourth and third strings.

How do you get a ukulele player to stop?
Sheet music.





Tiny Tim's widow is awakened in the night by the telephone. The voice on the other end asks, "Is Tim there?"
"No, Tim died several years ago.
"Okay, thank you."

The next night she is awakened again by the phone. The same voice asks again. "Is Tim there?" Her answer is the same. "No, he died several years ago."

This goes on for three more nights. Finally when the voice asks, "Is Tim there?" the widow angrily answers, "Look, I've told you four times that Tim is dead. Why do you keep calling here?"

"Because it's the best news I've ever heard, and I love hearing it over and over."

buddhuu
11-16-2009, 05:35 AM
Q: How do you get two ukulele players to play in tune?
A: Shoot one of them...

My favourite other musician jokes don't work so well translated for uke, so here they are in their original languages...

Q: What's the difference between God and a lead guitarist?
A: God doesn't think he's a lead guitarist

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: You only need to punch instructions into a drum machine once.

Q: How do you know when a singer is at the door?
A: He can't find the right key and isn't sure when to come in anyway...

Lori
11-16-2009, 05:35 AM
What is the difference between a ukulele and a trampoline? People take their shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
I liked this one the best so far!:biglaugh:
–Lori

buddhuu
11-16-2009, 05:38 AM
Q: Why are musician jokes short?
A: So the bass player is in with a chance of understanding them.

buddhuu
11-16-2009, 05:42 AM
Q: How do you end up with a million dollars just by playing ukulele?
A: Start with 2 million.

RevWill
11-16-2009, 05:46 AM
The English explorer is traveling through the jungles of Africa with his African guide. Suddenly they hear drums. The explorer gets nervous.

"What do those drums mean?" he asks.
"Drums good. When drums stop, very bad," replies the guide.

They travel on several more minutes. The drums get faster.

"The drums got faster. What does that mean?"
"Faster drums fine. When drums STOP, very bad." says the guide.

After several more minutes the drums stop. The explorer freezes. Terrified, he asks the guide, "The drums stopped. What does that mean?"

"Very bad," says the guide. "Now comes bass solo."

buddhuu
11-16-2009, 05:52 AM
LOLz :D

seeso
11-16-2009, 05:58 AM
The English explorer is traveling through the jungles of Africa with his African guide. Suddenly they hear drums. The explorer gets nervous.

"What do those drums mean?" he asks.
"Drums good. When drums stop, very bad," replies the guide.

They travel on several more minutes. The drums get faster.

"The drums got faster. What does that mean?"
"Faster drums fine. When drums STOP, very bad." says the guide.

After several more minutes the drums stop. The explorer freezes. Terrified, he asks the guide, "The drums stopped. What does that mean?"

"Very bad," says the guide. "Now comes bass solo."

Ha ha! That's a good one.

buddhuu
11-16-2009, 06:00 AM
Two uke players played a New Year's eve gig at a local bar. At the end of the night the manager came up to them and said, "That wasn't so bad. Can I book you to play next New Year's too?"

The uke players glanced at each other, then one said, "That's cool. Could we leave our stuff here in the meantime?"

existence
11-16-2009, 07:33 AM
The English explorer is traveling through the jungles of Africa with his African guide. Suddenly they hear drums. The explorer gets nervous.

"What do those drums mean?" he asks.
"Drums good. When drums stop, very bad," replies the guide.

They travel on several more minutes. The drums get faster.

"The drums got faster. What does that mean?"
"Faster drums fine. When drums STOP, very bad." says the guide.

After several more minutes the drums stop. The explorer freezes. Terrified, he asks the guide, "The drums stopped. What does that mean?"

"Very bad," says the guide. "Now comes bass solo."

Oh man, that was good. Thanks for the laugh!

existence
11-16-2009, 07:37 AM
Q: How many ukes does a uke player need?

A: Just one more....


And this one's not about ukes, but I like it so here goes:

Q: What's the difference between a jazz musician and a pop musician?

A: A pop musician plays three chords for a thousand people....

Ahnko Honu
11-16-2009, 08:42 AM
These 3 'ukuleles walk into a bar a tenor, a concert, and a soprano...

How many 'ukuleles does it take to screw in a light bulb?

nohandles
11-16-2009, 08:49 AM
Definition of perfect pitch: When you throw a Uke into a trash can and it hits an accordion.

ukecantdothat
11-16-2009, 09:01 AM
How many ukulele players does it take to cover a Iz tune?
Evidently all of them.

You owe me a new keyboard. This one made me spit my coffee...

Ukulele JJ
11-16-2009, 09:03 AM
Q: What's the difference between a jazz musician and a pop musician?

A: A pop musician plays three chords for a thousand people...

LOL! I'm totally using that one. :D



Q: How many ukulele players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to actually change the bulb, and another to tell him the correct pronounciation is actually "boolb"


JJ

buddhuu
11-16-2009, 12:17 PM
[...]
Q: How many ukulele players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to actually change the bulb, and another to tell him the correct pronounciation is actually "boolb"

Heh heh! :D

CTurner
11-16-2009, 01:01 PM
Two women are in a music store. The first woman is looking at the ukulele the second woman is holding. The second woman notices and says, "I got this for my husband." First woman nods in appreciation and says, "good trade."

nohandles
11-16-2009, 01:12 PM
Q: Why are musician jokes short?
A: So the bass player is in with a chance of understanding them.

Hey man I represent that remark! Good one. LOL

Uncle-Taco
11-16-2009, 01:47 PM
Why is a guitar better than a ukulele?

It's harder to beat a guitar player to death with a ukulele.

How many ukulele players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I'll bite:
--four. Three of them have to debate how Jake would do it.
--Just one, but he has to try at least three different sizes.
--Two. One to change the bulb and another to custom build the next one.
--just one, but he has to twist it each direction a few times before he gets it.
--Three. One has to film it for YouTube and one has to ask for tabs.

Rick
11-16-2009, 04:03 PM
What's the difference between a uke player and a large pepperoni pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four .

ouuuuchies

Rick
11-16-2009, 04:07 PM
What is the difference between a ukulele and a trampoline? People take their shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

variation of a dead baby joke -_-

or atleast sounds like one.

mangorockfish
11-16-2009, 04:38 PM
What is the least used sentence in the world? Wish our band had a ukulele player.:D

keithy351
11-16-2009, 05:12 PM
man walks into a bar and bring out his ukulele and starts playing, everyone laughs at him cause ukuleles are so dam lame, thats the joke, ukes are lame... get it....:confused:

Steve vanPelt
11-17-2009, 05:31 PM
A grandmother was watching her grandson play on the beach when a huge wave crashed on the beach and swept her grandson out to sea. She looked up to the heavens and prayed, " Please, God, save my only grandson, please send him back to me." With that, another wave crashed on the beach, leaving her grandson standing there good as new. She looked back up to the heavens and said, " Hey!!, he had an ukulele!"

harpman
11-18-2009, 11:17 AM
All very good fun while on nights, only one I cant see is
"how do you know there is a drummer at the door?"
" because the knocking speeds up"

and another comment you dont hear " she got off with the `Ukulele player "

Sweet dreams and I hope my shift is quiet as I might get some practice in.

johncaudrey
11-18-2009, 11:24 AM
Hi harpman

Spotted another UK member, if you haven't done so already, get on over and join the rest of us at UK.lele http://www.ukuleleunderground.com/forum/group.php?groupid=30

WhenDogsSing
11-18-2009, 01:27 PM
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?


Who cares, neither one is an ukulele!

She plays the violin and I play the fiddle
We go separate ways but we meet in the middle
We don't see eye to eye but we're hand in hand
A blue-blooded woman and a redneck man...

That isn't a ukulele joke but it was the first thing that came to my mind...:D

Ron
01-20-2010, 07:27 PM
I just spent 600 bucks on this new uke and when I get it's got a bloody hole in it.

Ron
01-20-2010, 07:43 PM
What's the difference between an onion and a banjo?
No one cries when you cut a banjo in half.

In classical orchetras it's the violas who get the stick.:

How do you keep your violin safe from thieves?
Put it in a viola case.

What's the similarity between the Beatles and the viola section of the Symphony Orchestra?
Neither has played together since 1970.

Why do violists stand for long periods outside people's houses?
They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.

Ron
01-20-2010, 07:46 PM
Q: How many ukulele players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None - they wouldn't fit in there.

snowy_zoe
01-21-2010, 03:12 AM
young boy: "when I grow up I want to be a ukulele player"

mother: "oh come on, you can't have both"

dnewton2
01-21-2010, 03:25 AM
young boy: "when I grow up I want to be a ukulele player"

mother: "oh come on, you can't have both"

That is awsome. I total agree with the mother.

RevWill
01-21-2010, 03:29 AM
A fifteen year old kid gets an upright bass and starts to take lessons. After his first lesson, his dad asks him, "what did you learn today?" "I learned to play the A note." After his second lesson his dad asks again, and he responds "I learned to play the D note." After his third lesson his dad asks again and he responds, "I learned to play the E note." After the fourth lesson his dad asks, and the kid responds, "I don't need lessons anymore. I've got a gig with a bluegrass band."

brickerenator
01-21-2010, 03:42 AM
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?


Who cares, neither one is an ukulele!

Posted the question as my facebook status, a violinist friend took the bait and wrote a whole paragraph explaining the differences!
LOL!

Monkeyswithladders
01-21-2010, 04:01 AM
I don't know any uke jokes, but if I got the link right, this is my favorite joke for guitarists: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8B4m8egqR6Q

trizzle333
01-21-2010, 04:01 AM
What is the diffrence between a Ukulele player, and a Savings bond?
-a savings bond will eventually mature and make money...

Bassukuguy

hahaha i think the key word here is mature.

dentuke
01-21-2010, 04:42 AM
Guy walks into a bar and orders a scotch... Bartender gives him a drink and suddely a monkey wizzes on it..... The bartender apologises and tells him the monkey belongs to the Ukulele player...... Guy goes to the ukulele player and tells him " Hey.....you know..... your monkey wizzed in my scotch"

Ukulele player says "No....but if I post it on UU maybe Aldrene can do a live lesson on it and then I can play it for you!!!!!!"

JCMcGee
01-21-2010, 06:35 AM
How to tell the time with a ukulele:

It's kinda quiet as it was filmed late at night, turn it up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITGMtOgXVuE

Arr4fun
01-21-2010, 07:50 AM
That was Great!!!!

euchre
01-21-2010, 08:05 AM
A fifteen year old kid gets an upright bass and starts to take lessons. After his first lesson, his dad asks him, "what did you learn today?" "I learned to play the A note." After his second lesson his dad asks again, and he responds "I learned to play the D note." After his third lesson his dad asks again and he responds, "I learned to play the E note." After the fourth lesson his dad asks, and the kid responds, "I don't need lessons anymore. I've got a gig with a bluegrass band."

Now THAT'S funny!

Ron
01-21-2010, 09:18 AM
How to tell the time with a ukulele:

It's kinda quiet as it was filmed late at night, turn it up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITGMtOgXVuE

Once I got through your great accent ( I know - it's not you who has the accent, it's me ;-)) - that is legendary!

nobby8126
01-21-2010, 11:31 AM
Q,What is the difference between a ukulele player and a walrus?

A, One has whiskers and smells of fish and the other one is a walrus.

ba dum tsch

geoffsuke
01-21-2010, 12:05 PM
damn it, this is what you get when you wash a guitar with hot water!!!!!

Chris Tarman
01-21-2010, 12:23 PM
A guy wakes up in a panic remembering that he left his vintage Martin ukulele in his car with the window rolled down. He runs out to his car in the dark to check, sure that it will be gone. There inside the car he sees his Martin and 6 more ukuleles.

Chris Tarman
01-21-2010, 12:25 PM
Oops. I should have read further than the first page before I posted mine. I just saw it on the SECOND page! D'oh!