Crazy Uke Drama Unfolding

mendel · Nov 25, 2010

Long story short. My family is extremely dysfunctional. I am estranged from everyone. There is zero chance of reconciliation, and zero desire to reconcile. My grandfather diedyears ago, and I was the only male grandchild. He left me a ring that is not worth much money, bit had great sentimental value to everyone in the family. This has led to a tremendous amount of resentment towards me from all the members of the family.

A few nights ago, and every night since, I had a vivid dream of Poppy playing a Ukulele. He looks directly at me and says "play my ukulele". I don't remember him playing an instrent at all. I call Grandma fir the first time in months. Last tome was when my son was born. I ask about Poppy playing an instrument. She says heplayed harmonica and the Ukulele! She has his Uke in a closet bit had no idea what kind it is. It was purchased by Poppy at least 50 years ago. Sge has No idea of brand or condition. Should I try to get this? Offer the ring as a trade? The family situation is irreparably damaged, but I am freaked out by the dreams. I ask you, UU, What should I do?

Ronnie Aloha · Nov 25, 2010

Forget the uke and the ring and reconcile with the family. That would make your grandfather happy where ever he is now.

I know its easy to say but hard to do.

olgoat52 · Nov 25, 2010

Second that. Blood is blood.

Rzr · Nov 25, 2010

Tell her about the dream and she if she'll give you the ukulele. I don't see why you should have to trade for it. If she doesn't play it and no one else in your family who plays the ukulele is having the dream then I see no reason why she wouldn't give it to you. Can't hurt to ask. Just be honest.

haolejohn · Nov 25, 2010

I agree with Ronnie. You only get one family. No matter how hard it seems to be, reconciliation is possible. Sometimes you have to be the one to forgive. No matter what happens you be the forgiver and take the high road.

fitncrafty · Nov 25, 2010

I would try to reconcile too.. but I would tell Grandma of the dream.. maybe she would pass it to you.. but I agree with others.. family is everything. Try for your son to know his great grandmother. Not to many children get to know great grandparents.. There is always hope, things to be grateful for!!

either way, best of luck to you and your family!

Gmoney · Nov 25, 2010

Honestly, none of us can advise you as well as your own heart, or God. It sounds like you have made an important step w/your grandmother. To me, that is the place you start - not to get the uke, but to heal a rift that can start w/you & Grandma. Who knows how important this relationship is to your own healing from the dysfunction as well as others in your family.

To me, in a "messy" family situation like this, someone can choose to reverse years of "bad blood" by stepping up, asking for & extending forgiveness & determining to mend what can be mended & forgive what otherwise seems impossible.

I pray for your family & for you specifically - there's a reason that "Poppy" had a uke & that you & that uke may be a small key to healing.

ukecantdothat · Nov 25, 2010

Ronnie Aloha said:
Forget the uke and the ring and reconcile with the family. That would make your grandfather happy where ever he is now.

I know its easy to say but hard to do.

What he said. The uke can wait. It's a small thing (literally!) but it takes a big man to square things up, and judging by your picture, you are indeed a Big Man! Try your damnedest to fix your family (I can't tell you how much I can appreciate the importance after the year I've had). Then, by all means, GET THAT UKE!!! No telling WHAT it be!

Thumper · Nov 25, 2010

Third that.

Things (such as rings, ukes, etc.) are less important than people, and should not be given the power to separate us from each other.

mendel · Nov 25, 2010

Lol! That isn't me in the picture. That's just a funny pic I found on the Internet. The guy in the pic is kind of strange looking!!!!

The truth is, I believe that there is no chance of fixing things. The family has been terrible to me my whole life, and that I can deal with. More than the way the treat me, they are disrespectful, hurtful, and rude to my wife ad child. I will not allow that to happen. I understand all too well the damage that it can cause. If that Uke was priceless, it would still not be worth it to me to allow those people around my son.

haolejohn · Nov 25, 2010

mendel said:
Lol! That isn't me in the picture. That's just a funny pic I found on the Internet. The guy in the pic is kind of strange looking!!!!

The truth is, I believe that there is no chance of fixing things. The family has been terrible to me my whole life, and that I can deal with. More than the way the treat me, they are disrespectful, hurtful, and rude to my wife ad child. I will not allow that to happen. I understand all too well the damage that it can cause. If that Uke was priceless, it would still not be worth it to me to allow those people around my son.

let me ask. Are you cuban? Your wife? I know you are from South Florida. Why do they not like your wife and son?

lozarkman · Nov 25, 2010

Yes Mendel I can understand your situation a bit. I also had a serious conflict on my mother's side of the family that estranged me from that side for many many years. My mother just refused to have anything to do with them. Over the years (I am 73 now) I have healed and reconciled some of the relationships. but not others. It will pay you emotional dividends over the years to heal where you can. One healing can lead to another. If there are any of them that you can possibly connect with and little by little rebuild some sort of healthy relationship that is not detrimental to your own family. DO SO!! You have a start with your call regarding the uke. Actually the uke is really unimportant in the overall picture, but if it will create a chance for a better relationship, then that is the important issue. The uke might just be a small reward for the effort to heal. But I also feel that there are some relationships that are just not worth pursuing, even in family. Good Luck!!! Lozark

RyanMFT · Nov 25, 2010

I understand that some situations, and some relationships are not salvageable, and perhaps you can just ask her if you can have it, or if you can buy the ukulele from her. Personally, I think you should listen to your dreams....I like to think there is more to this world than we know.

I can understand how much your heart would love to have that uke and that it may in some sort of way bring some healing to how your heart feels about all the splits in your family.....even if just inside of you.

Perhaps tell her how meaningful it would be to you to have the chance to have it make music again, and that it would make you feel close to your grandfather. If she offers it, great, if not than perhaps she will think about it and who knows. Best of luck brother!

mendel · Nov 25, 2010

No one is Cuban. My family is rude to my wife because she makes me happy. They have said it outright. They are all unhappy and do not want anyone else to be happy. I have made many attempts to fix things but to no avail. I'm done with them. The Uke makes me curious, not reckless. My wife and son are far more important to me than an instrument.

Thanks for understanding Lozarkman.

haolejohn · Nov 25, 2010

mendel said:
No one is Cuban. My family is rude to my wife because she makes me happy. They have said it outright. They are all unhappy and do not want anyone else to be happy. I have made many attempts to fix things but to no avail. I'm done with them. The Uke makes me curious, not reckless. My wife and son are far more important to me than an instrument.

Thanks for understanding Lozarkman.

sorry dude. That does suck that folks want others to be misreable.

beardco · Nov 25, 2010

Great story about your grandfather. You might have seen him play when you were very young, maybe not. What a great inspiration. You should tell your grandmother about your dream, and offer to buy the instrument. My grandmother would have gotten a kick out of it. And then tell us about it when you get it. Pictures would be great fun.

808boy · Nov 25, 2010

Aloha Mendel, I feel for you Brother, I went through a similar situation as my family did'nt approve of my then girlfriend. They wanted me to be with my former girlfriend. But it's my life (yours) and had to follow my heart. They were'nt close to my wife and at times went out of their way to show that ,of course behind my back. I then decided to alienate MY family from them. Then they began blaming my wife for this. I was in a state where if I see them, okay, if I don't, it's okay too. My then girlfriend became my wife for 46 years till she past away 9 days ago (11-15-10). Of course they came out of the woodwork expressing their sympathy. I took it with a grain of salt. If I could have mended my family's veiw of my wife, would I? Maybe not, too many hurtful things said and done. But for you, maybe your Poppy is using the uke as a icebreaker to mend his family. Can't really advise you as every one's sitation is the same yet different. My wife use to say,"Think with your heart, and whatever comes out of your mouth will be right". Good luck my Brother. Take care of YOUR family........BO......

pulelehua · Nov 25, 2010

Get the ukulele. Just ask to have it. She might not want it at all. You'd know that better than the rest of us. Sounds like you need to reconnect with your family, but that doesn't mean you need to reconcile with your living family. I think your reconnection is through a little 4-stringed wooden box. Don't question it. Don't sacrifice yourself or your dignity. If she says no, offer something. Not the ring, as I imagine you want to keep that.

When you play a ukulele, your self, your sweat, your energy, goes into it, and actually changes the way it sounds. Listen to your Poppy.

(Feel free to ignore anything and everything I've said. We don't know each other. This is just my take on what you've said. Good luck. I have a wife and son. I wouldn't harm a soul, but I'd kill and die for them.)

Ingrate · Nov 25, 2010

It seems to me that those "Brady Bunch" happy families are the exception, not the rule. Many families behave more primitively, like a pride of lions. You think the alpha male lion is going to allow any of his "sons" to stay? Fuggetaboutit. I'm always amazed when I encounter happy, functional family units encompassing more than one generation.

If you can reconcile with estranged relatives, great! If you can't, don't feel "abnormal" about it. It's pretty commonplace, in my experience.

GreatGazukes · Nov 25, 2010

Maybe write to her telling her of your dream. That way she has time to contemplate what she would like to do. Keep it simple and positive. If nothing else it may remind her of the time she spent with your grandfather and life was less complicated. If you have fond memories of your time with your grandfather, tell her that as well. You sort of need to do something or you may have "what if" emotions to deal with. Whatever way you choose to act I hope this turns out to have a positive outcome for you and your wife and child.

Curious but not reckless, a good choice of words my friend!

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