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View Full Version : My Ukulele Attacked Me.



SuzukHammer
03-06-2011, 12:21 AM
I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a shiner tomorrow. There is blood under my right eye. I have documented the blood with pictures.

My wife is laughing.

She told me that I play too much and my ukulele is angry.

I'm thinking about going to the police but I think I'll wait until the shiner comes out so I'll look more pathetic for the cops to take me seriously.

The suspect is a Amoeba Music Fluke. My blood wound looks exactly like the screw end of the tuner peg. I'm sure we'll find the pattern matches the screw on the Fluke.

How did this happen?? I was learning Old Macdonald Had a Farm while laying down in bed. I was doing some Peter Townsend windmill chords. I'm pretty sure it was a G and then

KAPOW!!! Without any warning. My Fluke attacked me.

My wife is laughing. :D

Watch out for those laminates!!!! You really don't know their heritage. :D

Uncle Leroy
03-06-2011, 12:37 AM
Rub some dirt on it and get back to playin' your uke. Seriously, I wish you a speedy recovery.

brucemoffatt
03-06-2011, 01:12 AM
If you get throwed off the horse you just git back on. Unless you landed in a cactus, then you just roll around screamin and moanin for a while first.

cb56
03-06-2011, 01:30 AM
It knew you were thinking about buying a new uke. Never think about buying a new uke unless all your other ukes are in their cases. They get very jealous sometimes.

fitncrafty
03-06-2011, 01:36 AM
Wow that is a little funny. sorry to say..Lesson learned, I wont play uke lying down! Where's the photos?

feel better!

SuzukHammer
03-06-2011, 02:44 AM
I am lucky my bed doesn't have cactii.

mm stan
03-06-2011, 03:28 AM
Aloha Frank,
Did you cheat on your Amoeba Music fluke???? My guess it got jealous.....he he I hope your eye get s better soon....take care, MM Stan

roxhum
03-06-2011, 03:45 AM
Let me get this straight. You were in bed learning Old MacDonald Had A Farm on your ukulele? This is Saturday night that this happened, correct? I would check for your wives finger prints on the other end of the Fluke.

Teek
03-06-2011, 10:25 AM
Maybe that uke needs a Uke Leash (http://www.ukeleash.com/)! And possibly it feels it is the alpha in the relationship, and you need you need to project calm assertive energy with this one..?

Is this why guitars etc. are called "axes"? Or in the case of a ukulele, a "hatchet"?? :(

Ice pack, and a few doses of arnica gel for the bruising, but don't get the gel in your eye. Both work wonders especially if applied quickly.

Ouch! And feel better!

SuzukHammer
03-06-2011, 01:31 PM
Great info Teek. I applied ice immediately but I have never heard of Arnica gel. I'm gonna get some of that.

It is morning and there is no bruising but there is a scab there so pictures will be good.

Perhaps I need to explain this fluke accident.

The reason for learning Old Macdonald Had a farm is because I just met a man and his daughter I hadn't seen in a year. THe last time I saw her, I knew nothing about ukuleles and played Old Maconald on my harmonica to her. SO.... I will play that on uke for her hopefully this week.

THe Peter Townsend windmill is a great technique but I let loose of the chord fingering before the end of the windmill caught the edge of the uke and it flipped right to my eye.

I got lucky as it hit below my eye. Pics to follow.

SuzukHammer
03-06-2011, 02:56 PM
http://i809.photobucket.com/albums/zz18/Frankdom/DSC00694.jpg

Chris Tarman
03-06-2011, 02:59 PM
To quote Mr. Waters: "Careful with that axe, Eugene!"
I just looked at the screw on the tuner of my Flea. I'd say that's a perfect match. You can even see the phillips head slots in your eyelid.

SuzukHammer
03-06-2011, 03:22 PM
To quote Mr. Waters: "Careful with that axe, Eugene!"
I just looked at the screw on the tuner of my Flea. I'd say that's a perfect match. You can even see the phillips head slots in your eyelid.

That's yesterday's picture. Today, it looks like one big splotch so if anybody else gets attacked take the pics early to capture the instrument used in an attack.

I don't know maybe, I need to pad my ukuleles now and put corner guards on the headstock.

ksiegel
03-06-2011, 03:27 PM
Or you might have to consider a hockey mask & helmet...

Then make a film:

Halloween XIV: Night of the Living Uke

-Kurt

marymac
03-06-2011, 07:25 PM
This is a great thread! We laughed over the whole thing :rotfl:

Teek
03-06-2011, 08:10 PM
Parents everywhere now have a new response to kids pleading that they really really really want a ukulele for Christmas.


"Don't be silly, you'll put your eye out!"


Very glad that didn't hit you in the eye and cut or abrade your cornea, that was too close. :eek:

SuzukHammer
03-06-2011, 08:39 PM
Yes that was very close. I do feel lucky. I'd hate to be having dinner and some person asked me how I took out my eye.

bb gun? no
running with scissors? no
fork ?? no

then how?? .........well...... you see.........My ukulele attacked me when I was in bed alone with it.

<humiliating laughter follows>

joeybug
03-06-2011, 09:35 PM
Yes that was very close. I do feel lucky. I'd hate to be having dinner and some person asked me how I took out my eye.

bb gun? no
running with scissors? no
fork ?? no

then how?? .........well...... you see.........My ukulele attacked me when I was in bed alone with it.

<humiliating laughter follows>


I'm sorry but that made me :rofl: I hope the Ukulele responsible is caught and punished! :rofl: Feel better soon!

soulpowerbreaks
03-07-2011, 04:08 AM
I know I wrote a thread about the flea/fluke's ability to withstand it's being wielded as a weapon, but I want to say for the record that I plead the fifth XD

somenoobkorean
03-07-2011, 12:27 PM
luckly it was right under, your eye, not right on your eye
the part were your wife was laughing id have to admit made my day
the chances of getting attacked by your musical instrument usually only happens in deathmetal XD
best of luck on the healing though...

OldePhart
03-07-2011, 12:33 PM
http://i809.photobucket.com/albums/zz18/Frankdom/DSC00694.jpg

Hey, I just saw the picture. Your uke didn't attack you, it gave you an itty-bitty hickey! LOL

John

SuzukHammer
03-07-2011, 02:48 PM
The hickey would seem to make sense. We were both embarassed immediately after contact.

I still play her. There is more tension in the relationship. Which makes for better music.

Maiyah888
03-07-2011, 04:39 PM
The hickey would seem to make sense. We were both embarassed immediately after contact.

I still play her. There is more tension in the relationship. Which makes for better music.

Oh. As my colleagues would put it "You're going from Safe, Sane and Consensual to Risk Aware with this particular play partner."

Plainsong
03-08-2011, 01:33 AM
Ya know that tension is what made Rumors a classic for Fleetwood Mac. Looking forward to the uke version coming from you soon. :D

gnomethang
03-10-2011, 12:58 AM
"My guitar wants to kill your mama!"

Kazz3lrath
03-13-2011, 07:54 PM
At first I was like "My ukulele would never attack me, I'm probably safe."

But then I was like "OH GOD ITS ON TOP OF ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!"

True Story.

All jokes aside, your line about the Pete Townsend windmill made me laugh long and hard. You tell a mean story. :D