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View Full Version : Poetry.. Just thought i'd share it with you all.



monty
04-19-2011, 02:02 AM
Hey guys, was writing an assignment just before for university, got bored and scribbled down a poem. Was kind of proud of it so I thought i'd put it up for my ukulele family to see. Hope you enjoy.

The lady in black.

At the end of the corner
In the small hours of dawn
The lady is crying
And I stifle a yawn

Why cry little lady
I ask in reply
Is there a reason your leaking
Like rains in july?

The end it is coming
Says the lady in black
For she knew in her head
What society lacked

I pondered and stared
At her tear stricken face
And I summoned a question
For the whole human race

Is it courage my lady
Is it courage we lack?
But the lady kept crying
The lady in black

Is it humility and kindness
A welcoming soul?
She looked up from her misery
And my conscience felt whole

Your eyes they are open
Your eyes are awake
Your eyes they are honest
For they show the tree’s shake

They know what is coming
They know it is bare
But your heart is a-broken
And is laying to share

May your winters be warmer
And your candles burn low
For the life we are leading
There is not much to show

The lady she left me
No word of goodbye
And I cant help but wonder
As I sit down and cry

ItsMrPitchy
04-19-2011, 02:14 AM
Im no poetry expert but that was brilliant.

mm stan
04-19-2011, 02:18 AM
Aloha Monty,
That was really cool and nice, and I enjoyed it very much. Thanks For sharing, MM Stan
Now to add some chords to it...

Hippie Dribble
04-19-2011, 02:18 AM
beautiful mate. Poignant with a nice dose of melancholy...the alure of romance and the hammer falling at the end as the speaker's eyes are truly opened by her candour. I love how you structured it...like with the opening sequence drawing us to the female stranger, then the vision widens to encompass the bigg picture stuff and then it comes sharply back into focus as we realise it's been about the speaker all along; that awkward feeling of non-resolution as he is forced to wade deeper into the waters of his own troubled soul. That's the stuff of great poetry brother. Reminds me of Paul's writing from the New Testament where he says "Now we see things as in a mirror , dimly, but one day [we shall see face to face] and know, even as we are fully known" Sensational stuff bro. Wordsworth, Blake, Coleridge et al. would have been proud. Seriously. :)

Gets me to thinking we should have a thread for poems and the like in the 'General Discussion' board.

You have (yet another) awesome talent Mont. Cheers for your openness in sharing something so personal mate. Blessings.

ichadwick
04-20-2011, 01:55 AM
A few ideas and thoughts from a former book editor and (current) poetry lover...

Dm...................F
At the end of the corner
Dm...................F
In the small hours of dawn
Dm...................F
The lady is crying
Bb...................Dm
And I stifle a yawn

Dm...................F
Why cry little lady
Dm...................F
I ask in reply
Dm...................F
Is there a reason you're leaking
Bb............. Dm
Like rains in July?

Gm................Dm
The end it is coming
A7................Dm
Says the lady in black
Gm................Dm
For she knew in her head
A7................Dm....A7
What society lacked

Just using an old folk style chord pattern, a little modified, but it seems to fit... carry on with the rest of the song that way. I'd just throw in an instrumental break after the penultimate verse, then go back to the A7 for the final.

I made a couple of corrections, you will note... your is the possessive form of you, not the abbreviation of you are that is required here. July needs ot be capitalized. Can't requires an apostrophe. But otherwise not bad.

"For they show the tree's shake" and "And is laying to share" are weak, so you might want to rewrite them. Laying to share is incomprehensible. Try ...Something I can't share...

Eyes don't show, they see. The line "Your eyes are awake" doesn't scan as well as the previous line so it needs something like "Your eyes they are awake..." but even so, eyes do not awake, they open. Try something like... You can see when you awake...

Corners don't have ends. Try... On the boulevard at the corner... leaking sounds disrespectful... why not crying or sobbing?