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washburn647
09-06-2008, 04:15 PM
So, I just wrote a song with uke music, and figured I'd see if people liked it. Here it is, with chord progression and intro/outro tab.

Intro:
|3-3-3-3-3-3-2-0|
|0-0-0-0-0-0-0-2|
|0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0|
|----------------|x2

|3-3-3-3-3-3-2-0|
|0-0-0-0-0-0-0-2|
|1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1|
|----------------|x2

Then, triplet strum patterns of A then F, repeating about 6 times, before a few strums of F6add9.
Singing part:
G
Tiny words on a tiny screen.
G6 Am7
You and me are inside the machine, but I...
G Gaug G
I gotta get out

______________
Chorus:
G
Every night you always frustrate
G6 Am7
But by now its far too late but I...
G Gaug G
Gotta find a way out
C F G
And I'm in... too... deep.
C F G
You know I... can't... sleep.
G -----------
This time, don't come back again.
_______________

Same strum pattern/chord progression as "singing part"...

Look at me now, I got something new
This time, something's really true
And we... We're a hell of a lot better, don't ya think.

You were gone without saying goodbye
No, I don't want the millionth try
But I... I'm doing just fine.

Chorus

Back to the A-F progression, but with words...

A F
And I wish you all the best
A F
It's a shame I didn't pass the test
A F
If we had both been headed west
Am7 ----------------------
We could have walked together...

Now the intro, strummed a little faster...

|3-3-3-3-3-3-2-0|
|0-0-0-0-0-0-0-2|
|0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0|
|----------------|x2

|3-3-3-3-3-3-2-3| let ring
|0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0|
|0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0|
|----------------|x2

And that's it. I don't really have a title, I just wanted to post mainly to see what people thought of the lyrics, but also the melody. So please don't be too harsh, it's my first song, but I would like some other opinions.

redsedge
09-07-2008, 01:59 AM
Video please!

washburn647
09-07-2008, 03:04 AM
Uhm, I could probably find a way to post me playing this song, but I can't sing at all.

Misguided Musician
09-08-2008, 11:16 AM
It's all good. Practice makes perfect!!
The thing we really need to hear is the wording. The way the words are sung with the chords makes a difference.

redsedge
09-10-2008, 11:24 PM
I've read through the lyrics several times now, and I really like the opening as it makes me think of The Matrix. Then it seems to hint at nightmares - not too sure about 'don't come back again' because if you're in way too deep then whatever it is you're telling not to come back surely hasn't gone away? I like 'the millionth try' because it echoed the computer imagery again for me. Then I wasn't sure where the song was going because suddenly it seemed to be about a break-up.

You might want to tell me this is all rubbish, and maybe it is, but for what it's worth, I think you could improve the lyrics by writing down in one brief sentence, what it's about. Then if machines are to be your analogy, work with that and stick with that, while bearing in mind your one sentence summation of the subject matter.

I hope this helps. If you do rewrite, please post it or pm me with it. I'd love to see more.

VengefulTikiGod
09-20-2008, 12:50 PM
Sing! Learn to sing! It's only a matter of some basic techniques and practice, it's not hard to improve. Don't be like me, who played for 6 years before learning to sing. If you ever want to perform, you need to learn to sing and start memorizing lyrics to songs. Otherwise, also like me, you'll end up knowing a lot of songs but not all the lyrics. I came to the need-to-sing epiphany only recently and am now playing catch-up. So don't be like I was! :) Record yourself doing your song, post it on a myspace page or a youtube video perhaps. Even just record it so you can listen to yourself and improve.

Like my old guitar teacher always said, "Nobody's ever gonna come up to you and say, 'hey man, can you strum the chords to my favorite song?'"

Aotearoa-Strummer
11-17-2008, 03:05 PM
Video Please!!!

FlyinRyan
11-23-2008, 07:19 PM
yes, definitely would like to see a video of this!