sweetdemise
Well-known member
Any suggestions, comments, whatnot?
Need Feedback on new song (Summers End)
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Any suggestions, comments, whatnot?
OP
OP
sweetdemise
Well-known member
Thanks! It means a lot.
Well written and performed. I can relate to the snow/cold references.
Nice to see the younger generation still breathing life into the old "pathetic fallacy"** 
No seriously, I enjoyed the song, though it lacked a hook for my taste. But then it is in the tradition of the abandoned lover genre and hooks are not always welcome there
In terms of the visual image of the video, I would have worn a cheesy sweater (maybe hinting at why she abandoned you) and added a bit of spray "Xmas" frost to the windows. You looked too summery and warm for the cold, abandoned lover, images of the song to be reinforced by the video image.
Lyrically? Perhaps there is occasional over-reliance on easy rhymes, but I'd need to see the lyrics written before my eyes to truly comment. Simply listening, you can get away with murder. (Never read the lyrics of massive acoustic hit group "America" Horse with no name etc. They WORK if you listen to them, but demand execution of the lyricist if you actually read them and try to make sense of them. )
Hey, keep at it! The more you write, the better you get. Song-writing is a craft as much as an art.
**The pathetic fallacy is a concept from poetry criticism that notes how lyricists and poets contrast our human traits / emotions with the weather or landscapes. "I'm feeling good and this is reflected in the sunny day"or else "The clouds are weeping with me as I mourn for your passing","My love is as barren as this desert wind", etc. It's considered a pathetic fallacy because, of course, nature does not give two hoots for how we are feeling or how we interpret what she is up to. Ask any Eastern Seaboarder (or Cuban or Haitian) about "Sandy" this week. There was a lot of PF in TV coverage: "The storm's fury" etc. The storm has no emotions, in fact.
No seriously, I enjoyed the song, though it lacked a hook for my taste. But then it is in the tradition of the abandoned lover genre and hooks are not always welcome there
In terms of the visual image of the video, I would have worn a cheesy sweater (maybe hinting at why she abandoned you)
and added a bit of spray "Xmas" frost to the windows. You looked too summery and warm for the cold, abandoned lover, images of the song to be reinforced by the video image.Lyrically? Perhaps there is occasional over-reliance on easy rhymes, but I'd need to see the lyrics written before my eyes to truly comment. Simply listening, you can get away with murder. (Never read the lyrics of massive acoustic hit group "America" Horse with no name etc. They WORK if you listen to them, but demand execution of the lyricist if you actually read them and try to make sense of them.
)Hey, keep at it! The more you write, the better you get. Song-writing is a craft as much as an art.
**The pathetic fallacy is a concept from poetry criticism that notes how lyricists and poets contrast our human traits / emotions with the weather or landscapes. "I'm feeling good and this is reflected in the sunny day"or else "The clouds are weeping with me as I mourn for your passing","My love is as barren as this desert wind", etc. It's considered a pathetic fallacy because, of course, nature does not give two hoots for how we are feeling or how we interpret what she is up to. Ask any Eastern Seaboarder (or Cuban or Haitian) about "Sandy" this week. There was a lot of PF in TV coverage: "The storm's fury" etc. The storm has no emotions, in fact.
