Rude or not?

Nickie, my guess is that she didn't know she was being rude. I've seen this a lot with non-musicians, who really don't have a clue that it takes concentration to play and sing. They just think it's like a person knitting, or doing a crossword-- and that they should be able to carry on a conversation just like you might with any other hobby. I wouldn't take it too personally.

Yes Nickie, it is rude. So you know the saying, "Don't throw your pearls before swine."

It has happened to me a couple of times as well, my wife's family. None of them are musicians and they really don't get that it is rude. I love them dearly and know 100% that they would never knowingly be rude or hurt my feelings. They simply don't get it. They come from a huge family so maybe it's just a symptom of having to shout over the crowd to be heard.

Don't say anything, sometimes a simple look will suffice. One time I simply quit playing and set it down, they apologized and I replied with an " I was finished anyway " . It was effective though as that person has never done it again.

My fiancee is constantly displeased with me for playing while I talk to people or while I am looking and listening to them.

Life is fun like that.

Ha ha....you've met eugenie and the kids then, Nickie? Very deflating when you go to perform what you consider your latest masterpiece and it's met with either inane conversation or a deafening round of indifference from the nearest and dearest. Welcome to my world mate.

YES YOUR FRIEND WAS VERY RUDE AND SHE SHOULD HASTILY AND SINCERELY APOLOGISE.

:deadhorse:

Yes, it's a bit rude - but non-musicians don't get it. I confess that sometimes, I just crank up my singing volume a bit and continue... I might even do the long version of the song, with a solo and an extended coda...

Many years back when I was a teen and dinosurs still roamed
the Earth,I was playing (on guitar at that time) Leonard Cohen's
'Suzanne'. I was in the company of some in-laws (to be),and some
distant relatives of theirs,who were visiting.
I sang the line 'and she feeds you tea and oranges,that come all
the way from China...' and one of the visitors with a loud booming
laugh said' Oranges? From China? Ha! Never heard of those!' and
looked around the room to encourage the others to laugh.Mostly
they didn't,to be fair,they looked sort of saddened by his remark.
I played through to the end,and put the guitar down.When asked
slightly later to play another,I said I wasn't in the mood.And I was
totally offended,let me tell you! I had been asked to play the song
in the first place,as it was a favourite of one of the in laws!
I later discovered that the 'heckler' was loud,opinionated and 'as
thick as two short planks' which we say in these parts,to indicate
a not very bright person!

I just go off into the bedroom and play with myself... er... play by myself... in that situation.

However, I guess it would be rude of me to play if someone has come round to visit, unless they requested me to do so. But if it is the in-laws (who are used to me playing) or else friends of my partner's who I don't get on too well with, then the "bedroom" solution is the most amicable. I do a few minutes of the old "How are you?" routine and then slip off unobtrusively to my "studio"

I do understand why we, as the player may consider it rude. But on the other hand maybe the other person thinks we are being rude to pick up a song and play something that they may not even want to hear. When I first started playing ukulele I wasn't very good and what I did know how to play I would play repeatedly. I played for my wife and mother a few times and it didn't keep them quiet for more than 30 seconds. Why? Because they did not care for what I was playing. So interupting I think is common among those who are bored. When the guest is being genuinely entertained, they most often keep quiet.

Yes, I think your friend was a bit rude. But then, as a non-musician she probably has no clue about this, so don't be rude. ;-)

Frequently people have no idea that it's impolite to interrupt a performance. A while ago, i had my father ask me to play a song, and after less than a minute he lost interest and started talking or went away. I found that pretty rude, too.

People are like that.

Barbablanca said:

...However, I guess it would be rude of me to play if someone has come round to visit, unless they requested me to do so...

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This was my first thought, as well. If the visitors are there to see you, and you've welcomed them, it's probably a bit rude to interrupt your visit by bursting into song and/or picking (kind of reminds me of Hyacinth "singing at" everyone she can in the "Keeping up Appearances" BritCom). There has been a lot of talk in this thread about how non-musicians don't realize they are being rude by interrupting us...but I think the tables can just as easily be turned. I think as musicans we may not realize how rude it seems to others that we interrupt their visit with us by doing something that we may enjoy but they can't participate in. Think about it, if you were visiting someone and they suddenly walked out the door and got on their bicycle and went for a ride, how would you feel? That's how it probably seems to a visitor when we break out the uke and begin strumming away while they are vying for our attention.

If the visitors were there to see someone else I would probably take myself off to a quiet corner to play and then if they interrupted I'd either ignore them completely or respond sweetly...depending entirely on how annoyed I was that they were invading my space to begin with.

On the other hand, if they were uninvited visitors and you don't really like them that much, play away and sing at the top of your lungs - preferably off-key! With any luck it will both shorten the visit and ensure that there is never a repeat!

John

OldePhart said:

This was my first thought, as well. If the visitors are there to see you, and you've welcomed them......
Think about it, if you were visiting someone and they suddenly walked out the door and got on their bicycle and went for a ride, how would you feel? That's how it probably seems to a visitor when we break out the uke and begin strumming away while they are vying for our attention.

On the other hand, if they were uninvited visitors and you don't really like them that much, play away and sing at the top of your lungs - preferably off-key! With any luck it will both shorten the visit and ensure that there is never a repeat!

John

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Lol. I agree with everything you mentioned, but these two bits cracked me up. Thanks for that! :cheers:

I wear headphones, and play with a pickup. Then you can only see their lips moving. Touche! ;-)

Nickie said:

I HAVE A QUESTION...is it considered rude if I am playing in my own home, for someone who is a guest (a non-musician) in my home to interrupt me in the middle of a song? I didn't say anything to her, i was "too nice" but she could have waited til the song was over...it wasn't a long one....well, it happened during another song too!
What do you think? Rude or not, and should I say something if it happens again?

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A bit rude.

That said, I expect there are few of us who have not done something that others would consider rude without intending to. I'm happy enough to forgive inadvertent rudeness. On the other hand, sheer uncaring or deliberate rudeness makes my blood boil.

As has been said, people who don't play don't usually realise that interrupting or talking over someone's casual playing is rude.

A few years back I saw Finbar Furey (an Irish uillean pipes player) play a gig in a nearby town. A few guys at the bar along the back of the room were talking loudly. Finbar simply told them that, as the audience hadn't paid to listen to them, perhaps they'd like to shut the **** up. That got almost as much applause as his tunes.

Aye Buddhuu... Don't get me started on people not listening during gigs. it's an ague of epidemic proportions here in Catalonia.

Just last night I was trying to watch a gorgeous duo perform in a local bar and had to sit almost on the performers' laps to hear them (despite amplification) - conversations at the bar and beyond just carried on at the usual highest volume

Just as rude as when church services are going on and talking.....as many have stated non musicians do not know better...If they ask you to play and do it,
now that is real bad.... I'd simply stop and put my uke in the case because they don't deserve to get a song outta me....if they ask why....they are simply clueless or very intentional rude
how about another uker playing your uke and change the tuning....

mm stan said:

Just as rude as when church services are going on and talking.....as many have stated non musicians do not know better...If they ask you to play and do it,
now that is real bad.... I'd simply stop and put my uke in the case because they don't deserve to get a song outta me....if they ask why....they are simply clueless or very intentional rude
how about another uker playing your uke and change the tuning....

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I agree with Stan 100%!!!!!

mm stan said:

Just as rude as when church services are going on and talking.....as many have stated non musicians do not know better...If they ask you to play and do it,
now that is real bad.... I'd simply stop and put my uke in the case because they don't deserve to get a song outta me....if they ask why....they are simply clueless or very intentional rude
how about another uker playing your uke and change the tuning....

Click to expand...

Now that's punishable by death surely?