If you want to change how you act, first change how you think. Whe you say you cannot, that is the right answer. HOWEVER....when you say I have yet to do it, you are not tied to the past or even the present, you are focusing upon what you would liketo become or be able to do. If you are willing to have an "I have yet to" attitude, side porting is easy and enjoyable.. So far I have done three hearts in a \ diagonal line on the front bout; a circular snowflake design all with a small moto-tool and two different size drill bits; a circular port on the inside waist of the rear bout of a tenor; a profile of a beaver on an orange and black soprano--to keep the guts of the white inside from showing, I glued a piece of brown fuzzy fabric to the inside. From any angle it looks like a beaver (Yes!! Go Beavs!!!) On a green soprano , there were 5 progressively larger duck prints from the middle of the waist to the top of the front bout. They were outlined in genuine Uof O Duck Yellow.
A concert from the 60s made in Japan sports a honu on the front bout waist. There is a piece on linen with a spiral thread from a fabric sample page that makes it look honu not just a hole. My new myrtlewood concert pineapple has an oval hole at the top of the front bout. The Martin backpacker madolin has the F holes closed off, and a round hole cut not too far from the end of the fretboard I call it my concert size Taropatch tuned Dd gG Bb EE. Behind the bridge was mapped out and done in 24 line gunstock checkering to reduce the thickness needed to hold steel strings, since it now runs Aquila strings. Side porting is not difficult, nor does it take lots of tools. One of the main instruments is a surgeon's scalpel from Harbor Freight, but one of the tricks of the trade is to not cut away from yourself toward the center of the center of the instrument, but to cut from the inside to the outside.( that means up cuts not down cuts) Let's talk Private Message if you want to do it. It isn't complicate or requiring lotsa stuff. We can start on a piece of wood the same thickness as a uke top...in fact it will be an old uke top. Wanna give it a go?