Damn and blast !!!! GGGERRRRRRR !!!!!

So, I've Ben learning a new piece to play for a couple weeks now. It's my own arrangement and I really like the results. In the past whenever I ask my wife to film me playing, it usually takes a gazzilion attempts to get one passable video down.
Tonight , I had the house to myself so I thought I would set the iPad up and film myself. So I sit nice and comfy, position the iPad, make sure I'm in good light and begin filming.
Then it happens, the frets on my uke shrink in size until each one measures 5mm width, then my fingers swell until my finger ends resemble melons. Then my feather-light touch becomes a vice-like death grip and I feel like at any moment I will snap the neck in half. Then each of the fingers on my right hand turn into steel hooks and every time I try to pluck a string, the just wrap around it and refuse to let go . Then instead of soulful harmonies coming from the sound hole, I'm sure I can hear s******ing !!! Yes just there ..... Listen ....... Yep bloody s******ing at me it is !!! Deep within the uke body the Trolls can't help them selves , it's a s****** at first, but soon turns into a full blown belly laugh !!
At this point I usually practice all known profanities and make a number of unflattering facial expressions and switch the goddamnbloody camera off !!
Yes ......... I'm s** !!!!

Don't know why every time I've written s n I g g e r it puts an asterisk in its place !!!! Even key boards hate me !!

Jools1050 said:

Don't know why every time I've written s n I g g e r it puts an asterisk in its place !!!! Even key boards hate me !!

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I believe it edits out the racial slur contained within the word for a form of laughter.

Been looking at your signature picture Jools............you will let me know if I start to piss you off, won't you? :uhoh:

Jools1050 said:

Don't know why every time I've written s n I g g e r it puts an asterisk in its place !!!! Even key boards hate me !!

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I have got the cure for you. Practice in front of a mirror. You want to really suck big time.......... that will cause it. Looking at yourself will make all kinds of bad things happen. Do it for about 10 minutes a day for the next 7 days. Then sit down in front of your ipad and you won't even notice the damn thing, you will be a solid rock star.

I did get a chuckle out of your rant, been there done that. Fortunately no electronic were smashed, just my ego

PhilUSAFRet said:

Been looking at your signature picture Jools............you will let me know if I start to piss you off, won't you? :uhoh:

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Better his ipad then us. Right Phil

PhilUSAFRet said:

Been looking at your signature picture Jools............you will let me know if I start to piss you off, won't you? :uhoh:

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Just don't s****** at me for pity sake hahahahahahahahahahahah hehehehe boooooo hoooooooo

DownUpDave said:

I have got the cure for you. Practice in front of a mirror. You want to really suck big time.......... that will cause it. Looking at yourself will make all kinds of bad things happen. Do it for about 10 minutes a day for the next 7 days. Then sit down in front of your ipad and you won't even notice the damn thing, you will be a solid rock star.

I did get a chuckle out of your rant, been there done that. Fortunately no electronic were smashed, just my ego

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Aha , over exposure !! That could work !! I'll try it , thanks

Freeda said:

I believe it edits out the racial slur contained within the word for a form of laughter.

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Yes, but there are options when you censor a word. From the vBulletin admin control panel:

If you type 'dog', all words containing the string 'dog' would be censored (dogma, for instance, would appear as '***ma'). To censor more accurately, you can require that censors occur only for exact words. You can do this by placing a censor word in curly braces, as in {dog}. Signifying 'dog' in the curly braces would mean that dogma would appear as dogma, but dog would appear as '***'. Thus your censor list may appear as: cat {dog} {barn} barn

Yeah, tell me somethin' I don't know. I never record, but this is how I always feel in performance.

It drives me to insanity !!! My wife says she can see my tensing up as I start to play ! My palms sweat, my breath gets shallower and sometimes my head swims !!! It's ridiculous !!!! She secretly filmed me the other day and it sounds like someone else was playing !!