Been there, done that, the shirt's worn out already!
I'm not entirely convinced that it is possible to polish a turd. However, if one were to accomplish that feat one would still have a turd, and one all the more noticeable for being shiny.
Check out my ukulele-themed "stuff" at http://www.cafepress.com/fivebyfiveukulele
- proceeds go to a good cause...UAS treatment!