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Thread: Today's Chuckle

  1. #481
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Close to Boston, Massachusetts
    Posts
    240

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    Not Bad!!!
    "Life is short. Opera is long."

    Anonymous


  2. #482
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Tampa Bay, FL
    Posts
    7,318

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    His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.

    He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes. When all is ready he begins to speak:

    "My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses.”

    "My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier.”

    "My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center.”

    "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound.”

    The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as they slip away, the nurse says:

    "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.”

    The wife replies:

    "The jackass had a paper route."
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  3. #483
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Tampa Bay, FL
    Posts
    7,318

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    During my check-up I asked the Doctor,

    "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?

    He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

    I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

    He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  4. #484
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Tampa Bay, FL
    Posts
    7,318

    Default

    Ever smelled mothballs?





    How did you ever get those little legs apart?
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  5. #485
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Tampa Bay, FL
    Posts
    7,318

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    Two little boys, Tom and Danny, are excessively mischievous.
    They are always getting into trouble and their Mom knows if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
    The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
    The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
    The mother sent Danny in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
    The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
    "Do you know where God is, son?"
    The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
    So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
    "Where is God?!
    Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
    The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?!"
    The boy screamed bolted from the room, ran directly home dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
    When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
    "What happened?"
    The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
    "We are in BIG trouble this time!"
    "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

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