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Thread: Today's Chuckle

  1. #671
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    Brain teasers....how many can you get right?


    1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

    2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

    3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

    4. How much dirt is there in a hole... that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

    5. What word in the English Language... is always spelled incorrectly?

    6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

    7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

    8. What was the President's Name...in 1975?

    9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

    10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

    11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in a third field?

    Here are the Answers: (No peeking!)

    1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

    Answer: Johnny, of course.

    2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

    Answer: Meat.

    3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

    Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You're not very good at this are you?]

    4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

    Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

    5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

    Answer: Incorrectly

    6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

    Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.

    7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

    Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

    8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

    Answer: Same as is it now – Donald Trump [Oh, come on ..]

    9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

    Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

    10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

    Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

    11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

    Answer: One If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

    IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

    1) You can't count your hair.

    2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.

    3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.

    Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.

    Ten (10) Things I know about you.

    1) You are reading this.

    2) You are human.

    3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.

    4) You just attempted to do it.

    6) You are laughing at yourself.

    7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

    8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

    9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.

    10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

    You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the idiot category.

    TO ALL MY INTELLIGENT FRIENDS:

    Keep that brain working; try to figure this one out....

    See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common?

    1. Banana

    2. Dresser

    3. Grammar

    4. Potato

    5. Revive

    6. Uneven

    7. Assess

    Give it another try....

    Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover the

    Answer. This is so cool.....


    NOW DON'T LET ME DOWN

    No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters...

    Answer is below!

    Answer:

    In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  2. #672
    Join Date
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    Capital District, New York
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nickie View Post
    Answer:

    In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

    I was going to say "They are all in this list"... But I guess your answer is correct, also. (g)



    (Reminds me of Cliff Clavin's Final Jeopardy answer... "Who are 3 people who have never been in my kitchen...")
    Last edited by ksiegel; 07-04-2020 at 02:47 PM.
    Banjo Ukes: Southern Cross, Firefly, Stella
    Sopranos: Donaldson, Timms, Moku, Waterman, Bugsgear, Outdoor, Waverly Street, Harmony
    Concerts:Cocobolo #460 &#412, Ohana CK450QEL, CK-65D, Rosewood Vita, Mahogany Vita,
    Donaldson Custom, Epi Les Paul, National Triolian Reso, Republic
    Tenors: Kala KA-KTG-CY, KoAloha Sceptre, Fluke, Cordoba 20TM
    Bass: Fluke Timber

    Am I done?

    ...Maybe?...

    My YouTube Channel

  3. #673
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    Corvallis, Oregon
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    [QUOTE=ksiegel;2235030]I was going to say "They are all in this list"... But I guess your answer is correct, also. (g)

    Yet another correct answer is that for each of the seven words in the list, the third letter in the word is the same as the second-to-last letter.
    KoAloha KCM-00
    KoAloha Opio KCO-10
    Thormahlen Yew-kulele
    Kala KA-SLNG
    Flight TUS35

  4. #674
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    A police motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver, a real b.....d, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

    So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

    The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

    When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The bloke signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

    The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"

    Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his licence, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

    On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

    Under cross examination the defence attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

    Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

    Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"

    "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."

    "What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

    "Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

    "Aggressive and hostile?"

    "Yes, Sir.

    "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"

    Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.


    How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client?
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  5. #675
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    An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years... He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I'm here to feed the alligator’.
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

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