Today's Chuckle

I see that NASA has put a restaurant on the Moon......I hear the food’s great but it lacks atmosphere...
 
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.

The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
 
My wife sez I don’t communicate. I mean really, I have 47 notifications on my Facebook .....yesterday I came home and found a note on the fridge....it said “ it’s not working, I’ve had it, I’m staying at my mothers”....I opened the door, the light was working and the beer was cold.....don’t get it.
 
My wife sez I don’t communicate. I mean really, I have 47 notifications on my Facebook .....yesterday I came home and found a note on the fridge....it said “ it’s not working, I’ve had it, I’m staying at my mothers”....I opened the door, the light was working and the beer was cold.....don’t get it.

I know what you mean. She probably wrote that note and then forgot what it was that wasn't working, so she just stuck it on the fridge. : )
 
You know with so many dangerous cults out there, now is the time to practice safe sects......
 
A stand-up comic gets a gig to perform at a old age home.
Soon into his act he notices that most of the old people there are pretty out of it so he tries to tell the same joke twice and people still laugh cos they have already forgotten that they just now heard it.

So he gets a kick out of it and keeps telling the same joke for half an hour and towards the end of it he notices that one old guy is staring at him. He finishes his half hour and is about to leave and that old guy approaches him.

The comic is a bit nervous that the old guy is gonna confront him about what he just did. He braces himself for some uncomfortable confrontation and the old guy ask him "How do you remember all those jokes?!"
 
I wasn’t allowed to say anything until today, but it's now okay for me to share that I have volunteered for the Covid-19 vaccine trials that Oxford University are running in partnership with other Northern European countries. It's important that we all do our part to beat this virus.

The vaccine is the one that was originally developed in Russia. I received my first dose this morning 9:20 am, and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι perfecебя alrigстрно untiдумю, что вытл осные уши. чувству себя немго страo.

Regaнемs

Richarстраo
 
I wasn’t allowed to say anything until today, but it's now okay for me to share that I have volunteered for the Covid-19 vaccine trials that Oxford University are running in partnership with other Northern European countries. It's important that we all do our part to beat this virus.

The vaccine is the one that was originally developed in Russia. I received my first dose this morning 9:20 am, and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι perfecебя alrigстрно untiдумю, что вытл осные уши. чувству себя немго страo.

Regaнемs

Richarстраo

Excellent!
 
Ouch.......

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." (You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.)

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." (Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirm uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.)

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." (All the men sighed with unified relief.)

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man slowly stood up and walked just as slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum
 
Ouch.......

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." (You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.)

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." (Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirm uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.)

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." (All the men sighed with unified relief.)

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man slowly stood up and walked just as slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum

It's good that the surgeon knew the difference between those words. :D

That reminds me of a story from years ago. A man went into the hospital to have a bad leg removed. Unfortunately, the surgeon removed the wrong leg. When he realized his mistake, he had no choice but to remove the other leg.

When the patient found out what had happened, he sued the hospital, but he didn't have a leg to stand on. :)
 
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Jerryc, I’m a little sensitive to leg jokes right now. I tripped over a box of Kleenex and I thought I sprained my ankle.....but the Doc said it was just tissue damage.
 
Jerryc, I’m a little sensitive to leg jokes right now. I tripped over a box of Kleenex and I thought I sprained my ankle.....but the Doc said it was just tissue damage.

"God bless you!"

Funny - I received the email about this post last night, but it didn't appear until a few minutes ago.
 
Not intending to derail the thread here, but I can only seem to post anything once a day, if I try to post a second it comes up that I’m blacklisted and am forbidden...I can’t even get a mods attention on it as it locks me out. Strange.
 
Not intending to derail the thread here, but I can only seem to post anything once a day, if I try to post a second it comes up that I’m blacklisted and am forbidden...I can’t even get a mods attention on it as it locks me out. Strange.

Hmmm... that's a funny situation.
 
My son is taking part in a social experiment where he has to wear a t-shirt saying "GO VEGAN" for 2 weeks and see how people react.
So far, he has been punched, spit on and a bottle thrown at him!

I'm curious to see what happens when he goes outside.
 
Not intending to derail the thread here, but I can only seem to post anything once a day, if I try to post a second it comes up that I’m blacklisted and am forbidden...I can’t even get a mods attention on it as it locks me out. Strange.

This forum is quirky. You never know what to expect. All I can suggest is to wait a while and try again.
 
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