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Thread: Today's Chuckle

  1. #741
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    103

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    I don’t know much about my lineage.....I guess I’m living in relative obscurity.....

  2. #742
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Palm Beach County FL
    Posts
    706

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    A middle-aged attorney at the height of his career suddenly dies. Standing before St. Pete he pulls out a Bible and says look, I was only 49 and as the creator of this implied contract as the party of the first part so clearly states that in the Book of Psalms chapter 90 verse 10 that man is allotted three score and ten years. As the injured party of the second party as to your violation of the implied contract I am making formal demand for another 21 years on the earth. If I have to sue for full restitution of my lost years, I will also sue for damages of another ten years on top of that.
    St Peter listens carefully and says if you demand the record be corrected, I will make a full audit and return.
    St Peter returns and says yes, we checked your date of birth and according to that your only 49 years old, but according to your billed hours you are 112.

  3. #743
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    629

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    Here's a math joke:

    1 = square_root (1) = square_root (-1 * -1) = square_root(-1) * square_Root(-1) = i * i = i^2 = -1

    (Sorry, it's kind of lame, but I just told it to my son and he liked it. It's also something I remembered all the way from childhood; so maybe not so lame.)

  4. #744
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Palm Beach County FL
    Posts
    706

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Yates View Post
    Thanks for that.
    I was equally impress with the bass player

  5. #745
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Tampa Bay, FL
    Posts
    9,265

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    One sunny day in January 2021 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Trump.” The Marine looked at the old man and said, “Sir, Mr Trump is no longer President and no longer resides here.” The old man said “Okay”, and walked away.
    The following day the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Trump.” The Marine repeated, “Sir, as I told you yesterday, Mr Trump is no longer President and no longer resides here.” The old man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
    The third day the old man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying again, “I would like to go in and meet with President Trump.” The Marine, understandably irritated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you’ve been here asking to speak to Trump. I’ve told you each time that he’s no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don’t you get it?” The old man looked kindly at the Marine and said, “Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.”

    The Marine snapped to attention and said, “See you tomorrow sir!
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  6. #746
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    U.K.
    Posts
    1,211

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    Lovely Nickie, just lovely. I do hope that it brings a little humorous happiness to all in these extraordinarily dark times.

    The PM message system here now seems to have issues, but this place is better for your presence and please do share your humour on Cosmos too.

  7. #747
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Palm Beach County FL
    Posts
    706

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    Siri why am I so bad in my relationships with women?
    My name is Alexa!

  8. #748
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Tampa Bay, FL
    Posts
    9,265

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    When George Burns was dating Gracie, he would always bring flowers.
    But, she kept him waiting so long that he started to brings seeds instead.
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  9. #749
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Palm Beach County FL
    Posts
    706

    Default

    The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace

    Auto correct can be your worst enema.

  10. #750
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    629

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    Why doesn't the knight get invited to the king and queen's dinner party?
    They are afraid of getting forked.

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