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Thread: Today's Chuckle

  1. #691
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
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    Corvallis, Oregon
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    851

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    Quote Originally Posted by Another Ukulele View Post
    A good friend will bail you out of jail
    A BEST friend will be sitting beside you saying,
    Oh, goody! A fill-in-the-blank Chuckles game. :-) So, who wants to be the first one to complete the last line?
    KoAloha KCM-00
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  2. #692
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    Nov 2015
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    Upper Hale, Surrey/Hants border, UK.
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    A good friend will bail you out of jail
    A BEST friend will be sitting beside you saying,
    ...don't worry, I'll look after the missus while you're gone....

    ....why'd you drop me in it too.....

    Am I close?
    Trying to do justice to various musical instruments.

  3. #693
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    Tampa Bay, FL
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    A woman meets a man in a bar.They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
    They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
    There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed, in rows, covering the entire wall!
    It was obvious that he had takenquite some time to lovingly arrange them, and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
    There were small bears all alongthe bottom shelf; medium -sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
    She found it strange for anobviously masculine guy to have such a large collection ofTeddy Bears,
    She is quite impressed by hissensitive side, but she doesn't mention this to him.
    They share a bottle of wine andcontinue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking,"Oh my God! Maybe, this guy, could be the one!"
    "Maybe he could be the futurefather of my children?'
    She turns to him and kisses himlightly on the lips.He responds warmly.They continue to kiss, the passion builds.
    And he romantically lifts her intohis arms and carries her into his bedroom. There they rip off each other's clothes and make passionate love.
    She is so overwhelmed that sheresponds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than shehas ever known.
    After an intense, explosive nightof raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together inthe afterglow.The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,
    'Well, how was it?'
    The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:
    (you’re gonna love this)
    'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.'
    (And THEN, I expect, she shot him)
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  4. #694
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    Tampa Bay, FL
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    [QUOTE=Another Ukulele;2244568]A good friend will bail you out of jail
    A BEST friend will be sitting beside you saying,

    Can I have your ukes?
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  5. #695

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    The New Brunswick Department of Transportation found over 450 dead crows on Highway #2 East near Salisbury Big Stop this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

    A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

    The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing the paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars.

    NB DOT then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

    The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

    They discovered that while all the lookout crows would shout "Cah","Cah" not a single one would shout "Truck"!!!

  6. #696
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    Jul 2017
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    Corvallis, Oregon
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    Hey rps,
    I used to live in Salisbury, New Brunswick (years ago, long before all the crows died). :-)
    How did such a small, relatively unknown, community end up in your funny story?

    Jan (a former Haligonian - and if you know what that means, then you must be Canadian too)
    KoAloha KCM-00
    KoAloha Opio KCO-10
    Thormahlen Yew-kulele
    Kala KA-SLNG
    Flight TUS35

  7. #697

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    Hello Jan, yes I live in Windsor...the one in Ontario not the one in Quebec, Nova Scotia or NFLD.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jan D View Post
    Hey rps,
    I used to live in Salisbury, New Brunswick (years ago, long before all the crows died). :-)
    How did such a small, relatively unknown, community end up in your funny story?

    Jan (a former Haligonian - and if you know what that means, then you must be Canadian too)

  8. #698
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    Dec 2010
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    This guy is a scream....

    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  9. #699
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    Jul 2017
    Location
    Corvallis, Oregon
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    That was a hoot! Thanks, Nickie!
    KoAloha KCM-00
    KoAloha Opio KCO-10
    Thormahlen Yew-kulele
    Kala KA-SLNG
    Flight TUS35

  10. #700
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    Tampa Bay, FL
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    My neighbor's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish, but he doesn't even know how to say please in the language. This is poor for four.
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

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