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Thread: Today's Chuckle

  1. #751
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    104

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    I made a New Year’s resolution to go on a diet.....I’m on the Tequila Diet and so far I’ve lost two days.....

  2. #752
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Catskill Mountains, NY
    Posts
    7,778

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    Quote Originally Posted by rps View Post
    I made a New Year’s resolution to go on a diet.....I’m on the Tequila Diet and so far I’ve lost two days.....
    That sounds like a "can't lose" situation.
    Too many ukes, but I can't stop buying!
    https://www.catskillukulelegroup.com/

  3. #753
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    104

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    Maybe it’s the wine but.....if I made Pork Tartare for dinner would it be Ground Hog day?

  4. #754
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Port Hope, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    1,247

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    Roy Rogers is down by the creek fishing when the cavalry rides up. The sergeant of the cavalry says, "Roy, Roy...outlaws have burned down your ranch!"

    Roy throws down his fishing pole angrily and starts running toward the ranch. "Wait, Roy," says the sergeant. "Come back, there's more!" Roy comes back and the sergeant says, "They kidnapped Dale!"

    Infuriated, Roy turns and starts running toward the ranch. "Wait, Roy, come back, there's more," the sergeant says. Roy comes back ...and the sergeant says, "They stole Trigger too!" Now Roy is really about to explode, and he heads toward the ranch. The sergeant says, "Roy, wait!"

    Roy Rogers comes back and with hatred in his eyes yells, "NOW WHAT!!!" The sergeant says, "How 'bout a song before you go?"

  5. #755
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Port Hope, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    1,247

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    A guy walked into a bar waving an unholstered pistol and yelled, "I have a 45 calibre Colt 1911 with a seven round magazine and one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"
    A voice from the back of the room called out, "You're gonna need more amo."

  6. #756
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Tampa Bay, FL
    Posts
    9,335

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    My wife opened the car door for me. It would have been a nice gesture if we hadn't been going 70 mph.
    "Those who bring sunshine and laughter to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".

    Music washes from the soul, the dust of everyday living.

  7. #757
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Catskill Mountains, NY
    Posts
    7,778

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nickie View Post
    My wife opened the car door for me. It would have been a nice gesture if we hadn't been going 70 mph.
    Complain! Complain! Complain! How does she put up with you?
    Too many ukes, but I can't stop buying!
    https://www.catskillukulelegroup.com/

  8. #758
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    Palm Beach County FL
    Posts
    747

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    All this time I thought my close shrunk because of the dryer,
    Now I find out its the refrigerator.

  9. #759
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    104

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    A guy in a restaurant stops a pretty waitress as she passes by his table.

    "Excuse me, Miss. Can I ask you a question about the menu, please?"

    She threw a drink in his face.

    "The men I please are none of your damn business!"

  10. #760
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Location
    East Midlands UK
    Posts
    394

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    If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it....then my illegal logging business is doing well!
    Soprano is what does it for me every time!*

    *Other Scale sizes are available and very popular with many players.

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