Today's Chuckle

In the interest of transparency

If you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns, go for the Juggler.

Moe , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Nah, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'

’Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

'Because she can still drive!'

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.


After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.


On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.


The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ' Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.'


The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'


The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'


'Do you mean a rose?'


'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.



'Where's my toast?'

Joe T said:

When asked about the difficulties of being a blind musician, Stevie Wonder replied.. "It could be worse, I could be black."

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Reminds me of that one Dave Chapelle skit.

Photo of the Chinese spy balloon. My question is, why do wings need a balloon?

Brian PacNW said:

Reminds me of that one Dave Chapelle skit.

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Willie Nelson often admitted that he could never beat Ray Charles at chess. To level the playing field, Ray insisted on turning off the lights every time it was Willie’s move.

I am a giant child

Voran said:

I am a giant child

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I’m a huge Mel Brooks fan. In Mel’s 2020 memoir, he repeatedly stated that people often assume comedians get into the business as an escape from a lousy childhood. Mel, on the other hand, had a wonderful childhood in which he and his brothers “played like puppies in a box”. Mel has always used comedy as a means to recapture that childhood joy.

Corny? Hell yes it is.

"Arthritis." LOL! reminds me of this one (may have already been posted):

An old woman's husband of over 50 years died. She was depressed and decided she could not go on alone. Wanting to join him in the afterlife she went to a doctor, and asked "Where is the heart located?" The doctor told her it is beneath the left breast. The old woman goes home that night, pulls out her husband's old military sidearm and loads it with one bullet. She places the barrel under her left breast and pulls the trigger. Later that night the woman was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

badhabits said:

"Arthritis." LOL! reminds me of this one (may have already been posted):

An old woman's husband of over 50 years died. She was depressed and decided she could not go on alone. Wanting to join him in the afterlife she went to a doctor, and asked "Where is the heart located?" The doctor told her it is beneath the left breast. The old woman goes home that night, pulls out her husband's old military sidearm and loads it with one bullet. She places the barrel under her left breast and pulls the trigger. Later that night the woman was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

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Took me a while to figure it out. hahaha. That's actually a pretty funny joke.