Ukecaster
Well-known member
Police Officer: "I pulled you over because you were going 85 miles per hour"
Me: "Officer, I wasn't planning on staying out that long!"
Me: "Officer, I wasn't planning on staying out that long!"
Today's Chuckle
- Thread starter Nickie
- Start date
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.
Why couldn’t the pony sing? Because she was a little hoarse.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.
Why couldn’t the pony sing? Because she was a little hoarse.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Ca-shew!
What’s a frog’s favorite soda? Croak-a-Cola!
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Ca-shew!
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
What’s a frog’s favorite soda? Croak-a-Cola!
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Ca-shew!
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Canada Jim
Well-known member
Doctor Watson enters 221B Baker Street and sees a large box of lemons on the floor next to the desk.
"Where did you get those lemons Holmes?" he asks.
"A lemon tree, my Dear Watson. A lemon tree."
"Where did you get those lemons Holmes?" he asks.
"A lemon tree, my Dear Watson. A lemon tree."
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Another Ukulele
Well-known member
I had a Dick Tracy cap gun that shot plastic bullets.
unfortunately I wasn’t allowed to shoot caps in the house, and if I fired the bullets outside I could lose them,
sooooo
i never used the combination
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badhabits
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I remember a toy gun like that, actually I think it was a rifle...you snapped together a plastic shell and bullet and it shot the bullet. No idea how that worked. I also remember a star trek gun that shot little plastic discs. Wonder how many injuries those caused?
And finally, I had a small iron cannon. You mixed some white paste and it ignited into a large bang. Those were the days....
Edit- they are still being made today!
And finally, I had a small iron cannon. You mixed some white paste and it ignited into a large bang. Those were the days....
Edit- they are still being made today!
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Ahhh, good old carbide cannons! when you mix carbide with water, you get acetylene gas. Old time miner's lights worked that way. I remember spelunking with one of them, and it was fine, until the orifice got gunked up.
Boys had all the fun. All I was allowed was a cap pistol.
badhabits
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Oldscruggsfan
Well-known member
Bubba Junior Picklesimer cringed when he saw the flashing blue lights and mentally prepared himself for the Alabama Highway Patrolman’s predictable question.
“Know how come I pulled ye over, son?
After expertly launching a narrow stream of tobacco juice between his broken driver side mirror and the officer, Bubba responded.
“Yep. This way they won’t be nary sa-much wind while we’s talkin’!”
“Know how come I pulled ye over, son?
After expertly launching a narrow stream of tobacco juice between his broken driver side mirror and the officer, Bubba responded.
“Yep. This way they won’t be nary sa-much wind while we’s talkin’!”
I had the pistol version. Mattel made them, and I think mine was called a Fanner 50. The shell "casing" had a tiny coil spring in it, and the "bullet" clipped onto it with two hook thingies. Not sure how the hammer striking released the bullet, but on the pistol they flew about 8 inaccurate feet. Also, you could get peel and stick caps to go on the end of the assembled bullets. More expensive than a roll of caps, though, so I mainly went without sound effects.
Ukecaster
Well-known member
Happy Easter!
OP
OP
Nickie
Well-known member
That's all I had. It made so much noise Mom used to take it away after a few minutes, even though I played outdoors with it. I developed a minor attraction to the smell of gunpowder.
The only thing that smelled as good as gunpowder was WD-40 oil.
Oldscruggsfan
Well-known member
Still does
