Today's Chuckle

Don't forget about these:
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Tonight we’re watching americas funniest home videos with my kids. You know how the video titles are always like, “Dog With A Cone Gets A Bone” and s** like that? My 6 year old says “and the next video, Grandpa With Ween Gets A Va-jeen” :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
 
Please forgive me if this has already been shared:

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen, so I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the s** out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Just a couple of minutes ago!'
 
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The fire department had this ecumenical blessing of the new fire truck and the Catholic priest said a prayer, the Baptist preacher sprinkled some water on it and the rabbi cut an inch off the end of the hose.
There should be an intactivism movement for hoses lol
 
A man is driving down a remote road one day, doing 30 MPH, and sees a chicken running along side of the car. The man speeds up to 35, 40 then 50 MPH, and the chicken is still running along side of the car. Suddenly the man notices that the chicken has three legs - but before the man can get a closer look, the chicken speeds ahead of the car and turns on to the dirt road of a local farm. Being curious, the man drives on to the farm, spots the old farmer and says; 'Did I just see a 3-legged chicken run through here?' The old farmer says; 'Yep, we raise 3-legged chickens because people love to eat chicken legs, so by raising chickens with 3 legs, we can sell more chickens.' The man then asks, 'How do the 3-legged chickens taste?' The old farmer replied; 'I don't know, we've never caught one.'
 
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