Uke Joaks

JackLuis

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 19, 2015
Messages
1,248
Reaction score
22
Location
Nor Cal USA
There's a Will Rogers quote about the ukulele to the effect of you can't tell if the guy is really playing it or just fooling around.

I think he was talking about me!;)
 
I left my ukulele in the back seat of my car when I went shopping. When I got back I found that someone had broken a window and tossed in 3 more ukes.
 
How do you fet a professional ukulele player away from your front door?
Pay him for the pizza.
 
Q. What's the definition of perfect pitch?

A. Throwing a ukulele into a rubbish bin... and hitting a mandolin.

(Old, old joke :))
 
ROFLMAO to all the above...:rotfl::shaka:

and below...;)
 
Last edited:
Which instrument will burn faster, an ukulele or bagpipes? Who cares!
What do you call an ukulele player with a business card? An optimist!
How many Ukulele players does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
Most of these jokes are recycled accordion jokes. The light bulb one was originally about the group U2 and the world revolves around Bono!
 
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of ukulele players, and called ground control with a list of demands.
They told the negotiator if their demands weren't met they would release one ukulele player an hour!
 
What is the difference between a fish and a ukulele? You can tuna a UKE, but you can't tuna FISH!

that happens to be my ukulele choir's favorite joke. Our first loaner ukulele was this little piece of junk that we called Tuna, it wouldn't stay in tune and it sounded more like a sitar.
 
Q: How do you get an ukulele player to play in tune?

A: Nobody knows.


Q: What are the advantages of a Tenor ukulele over a soprano?

A: The Tenor burns longer.
 
A ukulele player spends half the time on stage tuning the ukulele. The other half playing out of tune.
 
Warning:
Some old (and generally tacky) groaners I reprocessed from other sites about musicians other than uke players:

Warning #2:
This is gonna take forever. Do you know how many ukulele player jokes there are??
Actually, just one. The rest are true stories.

What do you call a beautiful woman on a ukulele player's arm?
A tattoo.

What do a ukulele and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone's happy when the case is closed.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show a ukulele player that it could be done.

Why don't ukulele players tell blonde jokes?
They don't understand them.

Son: “Mom, I want to grow up and be a ukulele player.”
Mother: “Well, honey, you can't have both, you know.”

What's the difference between a savings bond and ukulele player?
The savings bond will eventually grow up and earn money.

Why did the Boy Scout take up the ukulele?
They make good paddles.

How do you get a ukulele player to stop playing?
Put some sheet music in front of him.

Why are most of the above jokes one liners?
So we ukulele players can understand them! :D
 
Last edited:
What do you call a person that hangs out with musicians?

A ukulele player. :)
 
What do you say to a ukulele player wearing a suit and tie?


"Will the defendant please rise."
 
Last edited:
Q. What's dangerous, lives in the sea and plays the ukulele?

A. Jaws Formby.

Turned out nice again! :)
 
Not a uke joke, but a somewhat similar sized instrument::

Mandolin - an Italian word meaning out of tune
 
What's the difference between a lawn mower and a uke?
Your neighbor will be upset if you borrow his lawn mower and don't return it.

What do call a successful ukulele player?
A guy whose wife/girlfriend has 2 jobs.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your ukulele talent. That time is age 11.
 
:bowdown:

forgive me for swinging by without a joke to bring, but i just wanted to say how much i've enjoyed these jokes! :biglaugh:
 
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of ukulele players, and called ground control with a list of demands.
They told the negotiator if their demands weren't met they would release one ukulele player an hour!

Ha ha ha ha!
 
What is a professional ukulele musician?

It's a person who has a $5000 uke, a $500 car, and drives 50 miles to make $5.
 
Top Bottom