::Leader Board:: Ahnko Honu Takes The Lead Chapter 23!

...and happy anniversary, Padre. That's a lot of work! Congratulations to the two of you for putting in the effort to make it this far - there are times when the love seems far away and marriage is a slog. It's easy to live up to the "for better" part of the vows - to make it through the "for worse" is an inspiration.

Thanks.

Over the years I had couples who wanted to write their own vows. It was usually a deal-breaker for me. At best they were greeting card smarm; at worst, just sappy pledges that vaguely hinted at love. The Book of Common Prayer was my stout oak in those cases. When people contract marriage they need to commit to the hard times as well as the good. We've been together through potentially fatal health crises, surgeries, injuries, infertility, career ups and downs, and raising 2 challenging children. The vows matter, not because they keep us together, but because we knew what we were getting into in advance.

Footnote:
Larry King is divorcing his 7th wife after a marriage of 22 years.
 
We are currently testing the "in sickness and in health" part of our marriage vows. This whole thing has been as hard on her as it has on me, but she's still my rock. She is amazing....

Yes you are. You two illustrate my point perfectly. Live & love long.
 
Bond, Vaga Bond Update:

I think I told you he is now a cable guy. In just a few months he went from trainee to trainer. Now he floats around small-town Midwest installing hookups. He has a company truck and is lodging on the company dime. His attitude is good, he sees a future and a way to leverage his present into an even better future. He's sending support to his son, but I don't think he's going to be a close parent, especially on the road. He's always been a rover. I'm glad he has a chance to live it. One day at a time.
 
Good to hear Père.
My dad split from our house when I was about four. It was his third marriage, my mom's second.
He went away for a while, would sometimes appear briefly, but never really returned to my life with any regularity until I was a teenager. Even then, I knew he was my dad, but he had another wife and another son, and I always felt estranged somehow. Not necessarily bad or unloved, just not a very strong bond, in spite of a strong physical resemblance and many shared interests (mainly the ocean and racing). My mom remarried also, but he was just a guy who lived in our house until I moved out basically. He was a cool guy, we got along well, but he was never my dad.

Nanilei had a similar situation, dad left when she was very young, raised by her grandparents basically, and mom remarried a guy and had another daughter, dad remarried a gal and had two more daughters.

I think that is one reason we waited a while before we married - each of us only wanted to do it once.
Well we got married, and we are still together, longer than any of our parents' marriages I might add. We have had some challenges but stuck it out.
We're in it for the long haul.

My hope is that B-VB is able to reconnect with his son before that tipping point where he becomes a relative instead of a dad. I think that is the sentiment I was going for earlier in this post.
 
My grandfather is starting to experience kidney failure and doesn't want to treat it. He's already not treating colon cancer because he didn't want chemo or radiation.

The other day when I went to visit him he told me he was tired of feeling lousy. But dialysis would make him feel better.

I'm angry right now for selfish reasons I know but still a bit angry. I understand why from his point of view. Not sure I wouldn't want the same but I don't like it.

Thanks for the vent.
 
Oh - especially for Gary - the pickles are fantastic! Garlicky, spicy, and crunchy! This was a great experiment!
 
My grandfather is starting to experience kidney failure and doesn't want to treat it. He's already not treating colon cancer because he didn't want chemo or radiation.

The other day when I went to visit him he told me he was tired of feeling lousy. But dialysis would make him feel better.

I'm angry right now for selfish reasons I know but still a bit angry. I understand why from his point of view. Not sure I wouldn't want the same but I don't like it.

Thanks for the vent.

I'm sorry, Gary. Please vent all you want. End of life is such a bitch - so many emotions for everyone.
 
Vent on, Gary.

In a matter of 90 minutes or so I went from angry > sad > resigned.

Intellectually I get it. What he's thinking. But I don't understand why you wouldn't want dialysis. It isn't going to save his live or even prolong it significantly, but why, eventually suffer pain if you don't need to?
 
My grandfather is starting to experience kidney failure and doesn't want to treat it. He's already not treating colon cancer because he didn't want chemo or radiation.

The other day when I went to visit him he told me he was tired of feeling lousy. But dialysis would make him feel better.

I'm angry right now for selfish reasons I know but still a bit angry. I understand why from his point of view. Not sure I wouldn't want the same but I don't like it.

Thanks for the vent.

(((Gary))) Nothing I can say will help, but know that we are always here to listen....
 
I must say the Hawaiians do "Ohana" better than most.
My wife's sisters feel like sisters to me.
I call her mom "mom" and I call her late father's widow "Shanmom" and we all feel like a big family.

I try to bring my brother and my mom into the fold but they insist on remaining outsiders, which is odd to me, and sometimes even feels like jealousy on their part, which is even weirder, like be happy for me at least, whatever.

My dad tried to involve me in his other exes and their children's lives, tried to make us all feel like family, but it always seemed forced and awkward.

I have NONE of that with Nanilei's family, and I am puzzled that my mom and brother feel that outsider vibe because it is definitely not coming from the ohana.

It's a bummer, but it is what it is. I now totally have that family bond, but it is not with my bloodline.
 
I must say the Hawaiians do "Ohana" better than most.
My wife's sisters feel like sisters to me.
I call her mom "mom" and I call her late father's widow "Shanmom" and we all feel like a big family.

I try to bring my brother and my mom into the fold but they insist on remaining outsiders, which is odd to me, and sometimes even feels like jealousy on their part, which is even weirder, like be happy for me at least, whatever.

My dad tried to involve me in his other exes and their children's lives, tried to make us all feel like family, but it always seemed forced and awkward.

I have NONE of that with Nanilei's family, and I am puzzled that my mom and brother feel that outsider vibe because it is definitely not coming from the ohana.

It's a bummer, but it is what it is. I now totally have that family bond, but it is not with my bloodline.

You needed it. They have a hard time admitting it.
 
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