Season 352 - Honesty & Lies
- Thread starter uke4ia
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"I Believed" REVISION of an Original Song by Dennis Danner (c) 2018 SOTU 352
I wasn't entirely satisfied with my first attempt at "I Believed" and gave it a bit of a revision. Not sure if this Season's rules address revisions or not, but I thought it might be an opportunity to get some feedback on songwriting.
The revision has a slightly different chord progression, and has had one line of lyrics removed from each verse. I also dropped the original outro. It is a bit shorter in time now, but may be too simplified and redundant with the refrain structure at the end of each verse. I'd love to hear any constructive suggestions, because I still don't feel I've captured exactly what I had hoped to.
If anyone is interested, please feel free to suggest alternative lyrics, melody, chord progression etc. and record and share it with many thanks from me. I'm a bit stuck on it at this point, I think!
I BELIEVED (Revised):
I wasn't entirely satisfied with my first attempt at "I Believed" and gave it a bit of a revision. Not sure if this Season's rules address revisions or not, but I thought it might be an opportunity to get some feedback on songwriting.
The revision has a slightly different chord progression, and has had one line of lyrics removed from each verse. I also dropped the original outro. It is a bit shorter in time now, but may be too simplified and redundant with the refrain structure at the end of each verse. I'd love to hear any constructive suggestions, because I still don't feel I've captured exactly what I had hoped to.
If anyone is interested, please feel free to suggest alternative lyrics, melody, chord progression etc. and record and share it with many thanks from me. I'm a bit stuck on it at this point, I think!
I BELIEVED (Revised):
One Man And His Uke
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OP
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CeeJay
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Number 2. To be honest ,I find that the more I practise these songs the more they metamorphise into something almost totally
NOT the song that they once were.
Weird, well that's me all over....weird.
Or, perhaps in favour of Jim's idea of a Wizard demi -season, Wyrd !!!
NOT the song that they once were.
Weird, well that's me all over....weird.
Or, perhaps in favour of Jim's idea of a Wizard demi -season, Wyrd !!!
"I Believed" and "I Believed Revision"
Actually Jim, I now have a 3rd version of the song, and I think I am finally getting the emotions and message I wanted for it. I was wondering whether to PM you about posting a 3rd attempt at the same original, but maybe a response "here" is the better approach?
It is entirely up to you whether you want one or all 3 on the playlist. Having all 3 is only valuable to those interested in my songwriting process.
I will be retaining all 3 versions on my YT channel, and hope to get some helpful song-writing tips from some of the members of the Southwest Virginia Songwriters Association (SVSA) by their comparisons of the 3 versions. However, asking fellow Seasonistas to view and compare all 3 videos probably borders on annoyance if they are not song writers or interested in the song development process.
Here is the latest version, which is now retitled to: "Did I Really Believe?" Hopefully, the new title helps captures a message that was lacking in the earlier two attempts but is now asked in the Outro:
SO, if you wish to only include one on the playlist, I'd prefer to go with this latest version!
Actually Jim, I now have a 3rd version of the song, and I think I am finally getting the emotions and message I wanted for it. I was wondering whether to PM you about posting a 3rd attempt at the same original, but maybe a response "here" is the better approach?
It is entirely up to you whether you want one or all 3 on the playlist. Having all 3 is only valuable to those interested in my songwriting process.
I will be retaining all 3 versions on my YT channel, and hope to get some helpful song-writing tips from some of the members of the Southwest Virginia Songwriters Association (SVSA) by their comparisons of the 3 versions. However, asking fellow Seasonistas to view and compare all 3 videos probably borders on annoyance if they are not song writers or interested in the song development process.
Here is the latest version, which is now retitled to: "Did I Really Believe?" Hopefully, the new title helps captures a message that was lacking in the earlier two attempts but is now asked in the Outro:
SO, if you wish to only include one on the playlist, I'd prefer to go with this latest version!
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Flatbaroque
Well-known member
An original...apologies to any Dodo lovers.
I quite like the way the uke sounds a bit like a Doc Boggs banjo..for those familiar.
Tuning GA#DG.
‘I’ll meet you down south’
As he showed off his crest
So away she flew
Cause he would know best
Birds on the winter
Birds on the spring
Birds on the chain
Birds on the wing
Months they passed
She kept her plumage hid
Doubts started hatching
About what he did
Cats were circling
Two by two
And she was alone
Didn’t know what to do
Birds on the winter
Birds on the spring
Birds on the chain
Birds on the wing
I’ll tell you now
No matter what you heard
Never trust the word
of a flightless bird
I’ll tell you now
No matter what you heard
Never take the word
of a flightless bird
I quite like the way the uke sounds a bit like a Doc Boggs banjo..for those familiar.
Tuning GA#DG.
‘I’ll meet you down south’
As he showed off his crest
So away she flew
Cause he would know best
Birds on the winter
Birds on the spring
Birds on the chain
Birds on the wing
Months they passed
She kept her plumage hid
Doubts started hatching
About what he did
Cats were circling
Two by two
And she was alone
Didn’t know what to do
Birds on the winter
Birds on the spring
Birds on the chain
Birds on the wing
I’ll tell you now
No matter what you heard
Never trust the word
of a flightless bird
I’ll tell you now
No matter what you heard
Never take the word
of a flightless bird
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bird's eye view of my ukelele
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all riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!
i know del and i both said we'd probs just bring one song this week, to help out our host
but
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm
it turns out we were............. not lying.................... not even fibbing really.................. just mistaken :uhoh: !!!!!!!
here's a collab from us, homemade song for the season
i know del and i both said we'd probs just bring one song this week, to help out our host
but
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm
it turns out we were............. not lying.................... not even fibbing really.................. just mistaken :uhoh: !!!!!!!
here's a collab from us, homemade song for the season
TCK
Well-known member
Two Alphaville songs in two weeks. There surely is some kind of reward for that right?
I had no idea they made two songs.
I had no idea they made two songs.
UkuleleLow
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I thought Tootler Geoff might be along with this, or one of its many variants, a common tale of being deceived by a lady of the night. But this one, written by a Bob Bickerton from New Zealand, and set a gold mining town, has a couple of twists...
wee_ginga_yin
Well-known member
I have been watching Vanity Fair and the opening sequence has a very unusual version of this Bob Dylan classic.
This is one of the few R&B songs I've found that works both as a solo number and for a group of almost any size. And it fits the theme!
LimousinLil
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Oh, I LOVE this! Really enjoyed the TV adaptation (I HAVE read the book in the dim and distant past) and I thought that the use of this song - although it seemed, on the face of it distinctly odd - was strangely appropriate!
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greyghost
Well-known member
The first song I thought of last weekend, but it took me all week to find a chance to record it (yesterday's surprise snowstorm didn't help matters).
Lies in the last verse. Thanks for a fun season Jim.
mep1
Well-known member
Just managed to get a some time to record a song for this weeks theme. 'None of Us Are Free' was originally sung by Ray Charles in 1993. My favourite version however is by Solomon Burke on his 2002 album 'Don't Give Up on Me' - If you don't know it then I recommend a listen. Hope you like my electric ukulele version and all the best to all of you.
"And there are people still in darkness,
And they just can't see the light.
If you don't say it's wrong then that says it right"
"And there are people still in darkness,
And they just can't see the light.
If you don't say it's wrong then that says it right"
bonesigh
Well-known member
Just one from me this week. Lots of snow work this week /;
I have had a massively heavy week in which I had no voice at all until Thursday (and a concert to perform yesterday!). I did manage to listen to a few of the entries this week, but didn't think I'd have time to record this song which I sketched out during the week and finished today. However, with only hours to go, I offer you my original song written for this week:
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