Ukulele repossession (legal advice?)

Firstly I'd like to say that I'm sorry if this is in the wrong forum totally, I'm new here and didn't know where else to come for advice.

About eight years ago now my mum bought me a dark green ohana soprano I was very fond of, so naturally he went with me to europe. My mother carefully selected some buttons from her vintage collection and stuck them on in one corner: it was very cute. I built up quite the little collection over there which I am trying to get shipped back over but the little green guy... is going to be difficult.

I met a girl over there who, to cut a long story short, was abusive and manipulative to the nth degree. I lent her the uke during the course of our 'friendship' and unfortunately had to rush back to the UK at the end of March to help care for my cancer stricken mother. The girl in question had been informed that she was only borrowing the ukulele as he was very precious to me. When I finally found the courage to break away from her she informed me she'd moved all my stuff to her parents' house reading for shipping, because it 'hurt too much to look at it'. I thought it was all okay.

Two and a half months ago my mother lost her fight and I was simultaneously diagnosed with a severe traumatic brain injury, but what hurt the most was logging into facebook a week after her death to discover that two days after she'd died, the abusive girl in question had ripped the buttons from my uke, binned them and then painted crappy flowers all over him. The video of her painting it was clearly taken in her bedroom, so she had obviously not sent my things to her parents.

She also has some other stuff including my first violin, but it's the uke I'm heartbroken over. I come from a family on the wrong side of the poverty line and the little ohana represented months of saving on my mums' behalf, from her pension. He was more precious to me than I know how to express here in simple words.

I am at a loss for what to do now; I have no contact with the girl in question and do not want it as over the course of several months she changed everything about me and manipulated me into some horrible situations and I ended up badly hurt. I don't know whether I should go to a small claims court or the police proper for this, or even if the situation would work because she is, after all, in another country.

I have several pictures of the uke from when he was in my possession, and a posse of witnesses who can attest to him being mine. He's quite unusual so I do not believe that proving he was mine would be a problem, but I really don't want to give this abusive girl a window or doorway into my life now, which is finally starting to improve. I also don't know if I really want him back with her so called 'art' on him, as I worry that he will be less of a reminder of my mother and more of the abusive girl.

I have left it two and a half months because as I've said, my mother died and I had to organize her funeral and my brain injury has kept me quite sick. Now I feel ready to go after her, but I'm not sure how to go about it in a way that would keep her as far away as possible.

I was hoping someone here might have some advice, or has been in a similar situation before and can advise me to my next step.

Thank you all for your time,

Lash

I'm in no position to give you any advice, but want to express my condolences at your loss, and hope that you heal well from your brain injury.

I suspect it will be difficult to prove that you didn't gift your ukulele to the girl vs. were just loaning it, but I hope that it all resolves in the best way possible for you.

An item with sentimental value can be more valuable to someone than something that cost a fortune. Unfortunately, I think this is a lost cause. The uke has a strong connection for you, but it's gone because of a mean woman. She has caused you misery, and unless you forget about her, she will continue to cause you misery. I see a green Ohana soprano on Amazon for $85, but I suspect you're more concerned about getting back the one your mother gave you. Without a written contract, there is no way to get the uke back. It's time to move on. From the way you describe her, she would probably destroy it before she would give it back to you. Pursuing this any further would cost you money and misery.

I wish for your fast recovery and express my deep condolence for your loss.

While your ukulele has great sentimental value to you, but I can’t imagine what to do with it if you do get it back since it is kind of ruined. To sand the paints off, re-coat with new green paint and to stick similar vintage buttons in the same pattern? In my humble opinion, it’s not going to be the same. And I rather wish you move on and not introducing her back in which will definitely cause you griefs.

Rather, I think the real gift that your mum had given is your ukulele playing skill that you have learnt on this first ukulele and this skill is going to be with you for the rest of your life as long as you keep on playing. If you wish to, get a similar used ukulele instead.

Just my 2 cents worth of thoughts.

I'm sorry for your circumstances but as an outsider looking in, I'd advise cutting your losses, letting go and moving on. The uke your Mom gave you no longer exists. It's gone and it will never come back, your former friend saw to that. The special buttons are gone and irretrievable and the uke has been painted. Even if you were to get it back, the stain of your former friends actions are going to be attached to that uke and that memory will always be associated with it even if you were to restore it to what it was which I'm sure would be cost prohibitive. Plus, do you really want to invite this toxic person back into your life, especially when the circumstances could very likely be contentious? That's going to take an emotional toll and it could be very stressful. I know that you are emotionally invested so you may feel differently than I do but looking at the big picture, it doesn't sound worth it. I'd take the unfortunate hit and move on.

I am about to head to bed and so don't have time to respond to all of you individually, but I want to thank each of you for your sensitivity and telling me what I needed to hear. I think you're all right, and though it will be hard it will be best for everyone. You are a lovely bunch

I think that considering the circumstances, the time, and the distance, the cards are stacked against you. Sorry about the circumstances by the way. But you ask about legality, and the legality is a moot point. You don't just take your friend to the local constabulary and demand that they go get it. There is a process that you are going to have to go through to establish ownership of the ukulele. Even if you take some legal action to get it back and it is litigated in your favor, who is going to enforce that action in your interest? I'm quite sure that no law enforcement agency is going to retrieve your ukulele for you. First of all, it has all the markings of a civil action, should it somehow develops into a criminal case, which could possibly happen over an extended period of time, but not likely without some help, an ex girlfriend not giving a ukulele back is not very high on the local law enforcement agency's list of things to jump right on. We are talking years of litigation before it would ever get to that point, if ever it did. I think that you chalk it up to experience.

As has been said before, I am sorry for your losses on all fronts.

Do you play other sizes ukuleles or just soprano? I ask because I would be happy to give you one (it's a tenor. But would ask for help with postage as I am in the US.

PM if you're interested. And I'm sure I'm not alone in being willing to help. Best Regards

I too am sorry for all your losses. I know the uke meant a lot to you, but personally I would try to let go. It's less about the uke and more about getting rid of that toxic personality in your life.
I know you will miss the uke, but you wont miss the stress this woman is causing you. I'd cut her out of your social media etc so you're not tempted to look.
Remember to breathe deeply. It does help.
Good luck and feel better.

I'm afraid that I have zero knowledge of German, UK nor EU laws. Just a guess, but I think the courts will give a lot more benefit of doubt towards a citizen than a foreigner. Plus, there's an understandable element of retaliation involved here.

40 plus years ago, I had been in a very toxic marriage which like you, very much affected my mental health, which also affected my physical health.

When we split up, my ex, like your girlfriend, borrowed several things from me, with my permission. Some of which were family heirlooms. After a few years and she had a very successful career going, I asked, and she refused to return them. I obsessed about getting them back which caused me to think about her and our marriage. Which caused me anguish, etc. A vicious circle.

It was only after I admitted to myself that the items were gone forever. And made peace with my feelings towards her, that I was able to let go and move on.

No matter what the attachment that ukulele was to you, it is gone. Focus on your memories of your mother and how lucky you were to have someone who loved you enough to scrimp & save for a gift of a personalized ukulele. If you have to, pretend that you ex ran over the uke with her car. It is gone.

Oh, and stop looking at her FB page and any other social media she's on. Cut all ties. Every one. And move on. It takes time, but eventually you won't even be able to picture her face or hear her voice. You will feel a lot better as will your friends and family. Otherwise it will eat you alive.

Let. It. Go.

Kenn2018 said:

I'm afraid that I have zero knowledge of German, UK nor EU laws. Just a guess, but I think the courts will give a lot more benefit of doubt towards a citizen than a foreigner. Plus, there's an understandable element of retaliation involved here.

40 plus years ago, I had been in a very toxic marriage which like you, very much affected my mental health, which also affected my physical health.

When we split up, my ex, like your girlfriend, borrowed several things from me, with my permission. Some of which were family heirlooms. After a few years and she had a very successful career going, I asked, and she refused to return them. I obsessed about getting them back which caused me to think about her and our marriage. Which caused me anguish, etc. A vicious circle.

It was only after I admitted to myself that the items were gone forever. And made peace with my feelings towards her, that I was able to let go and move on.

No matter what the attachment that ukulele was to you, it is gone. Focus on your memories of your mother and how lucky you were to have someone who loved you enough to scrimp & save for a gift of a personalized ukulele. If you have to, pretend that you ex ran over the uke with her car. It is gone.

Oh, and stop looking at her FB page and any other social media she's on. Cut all ties. Every one. And move on. It takes time, but eventually you won't even be able to picture her face or hear her voice. You will feel a lot better as will your friends and family. Otherwise it will eat you alive.

Let. It. Go.

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Do you have any friends in the area, preferably mutual friends, that could just buy it back from her. I think her entire point in keeping it is to hurt you. Making you pay for it's return might be enough revenge for her, and maybe then you could have it back.

Hi Lasciel,

I'm really sorry to hear your story. That's just a horrible situation all round.

As for advice, my advice is more emotional than legal, and that is to let it go.

You could probably press some kind of legal action and it may or may not be successful. The trouble is that it will be expensive, time consuming, and emotionally draining. (Also, in my experience, anything that crosses national borders ends up being much more complicated and expensive.) At the end of the day, even if you are successful, the uke you will get back will have had the buttons removed and been repainted, so it won't be the same anyway.

If this is about getting back at the abusive ex., it's really not worth it. Move on and try to heal.

Just my two cents worth.

robinboyd said:

Hi Lasciel,

I'm really sorry to hear your story. That's just a horrible situation all round.

As for advice, my advice is more emotional than legal, and that is to let it go.

You could probably press some kind of legal action and it may or may not be successful. The trouble is that it will be expensive, time consuming, and emotionally draining. (Also, in my experience, anything that crosses national borders ends up being much more complicated and expensive.) At the end of the day, even if you are successful, the uke you will get back will have had the buttons removed and been repainted, so it won't be the same anyway.

If this is about getting back at the abusive ex., it's really not worth it. Move on and try to heal.

Just my two cents worth.

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She is not my ex and never qualified in any way as a partner, just a narcissistic 'best friend' who supposedly had my best interests at heart and tried to convince me that every heinous thing she did was for 'my own good'.

It's absolutely not about vengeance, that being said, but about something that was from my mom. My mom was never able to give me much, and so everything she did is especially precious, even moreso now that she's gone.

I understand that I need to let it go as I've said, now that I understand there is no easy solution.

Lash, my deepest condolences to you.

There is one thing that I do, to enable me to release a person, event, or object.

I simply sit with pen and tablet in hand and as I think on it, I write. I don't mind the spelling, grammar, or if it is messy. I write until the pen stops, and I have no more thoughts on it.
Then, I don't read it, I don't save it, I don't send it.
I take it outside to my grille, place it upon it, set a match to it, and watch it go up in smoke.
This has worked for me several times. I am now free of those bothersome people and things.

I hope this helps you.

Nickie said:

Lash, my deepest condolences to you.

There is one thing that I do, to enable me to release a person, event, or object.

I simply sit with pen and tablet in hand and as I think on it, I write. I don't mind the spelling, grammar, or if it is messy. I write until the pen stops, and I have no more thoughts on it.
Then, I don't read it, I don't save it, I don't send it.
I take it outside to my grille, place it upon it, set a match to it, and watch it go up in smoke.
This has worked for me several times. I am now free of those bothersome people and things.

I hope this helps you.

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Great idea.

lasciel said:

She is not my ex and never qualified in any way as a partner, just a narcissistic 'best friend' who supposedly had my best interests at heart and tried to convince me that every heinous thing she did was for 'my own good'.

It's absolutely not about vengeance, that being said, but about something that was from my mom. My mom was never able to give me much, and so everything she did is especially precious, even moreso now that she's gone.

I understand that I need to let it go as I've said, now that I understand there is no easy solution.

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I won’t repeat what others have said. I’ll just add, that your mother would want you to be happy. What a great mom you have. She sounds like a special person.

Yeah, just let it go, and write her off as not a nice person at all.