Playing A Newbie's Uke Without Discouraging Her?

I work for my local township in a building that houses a Senior Center. Part of my gig involves assisting a very casual senior chorus with their music, their props, etc. This week, they started rehearsing for their 2019 holiday concert in which one of the members - a small, delicate woman probably in her late 70's - is going to be featured on her brand new ukulele.

She has taken two lessons so far and, (forgive me for saying this, but...) if her uke playing is anything like her singing, she probably just doesn't have the chops to get a whole lot out of it.

My problem is that, when I told her after last week's rehearsal that I play the uke, she replied (sort of hesitantly) that maybe I can "show her a few things" before the next rehearsal. I could sense that she probably isn't ready to be upstaged by someone who has played a few years, so now I'm wondering how to handle the situation in a way that encourages - rather than discourages her to practice and get better at the instrument.

I know you might be thinking "If she's already in her 70's, she probably has no ego invested in her ukulele playing," but this woman (like many of the seniors in this club) is of a rare breed who goof around and pretend to be singing just for fun, but actually think they've got some talent.

So, should I just try to suck when I play for her, or do you think there's any value in trying to show her what a little practice can accomplish? (PS: I'm no ukulele virtuoso, but my 50 years as a drummer just sort of enables me to sound a lot better on the uke than I actually am!)

Papa Tom said:

I work for my local township in a building that houses a Senior Center. Part of my gig involves assisting a very casual senior chorus with their music, their props, etc. This week, they started rehearsing for their 2019 holiday concert in which one of the members - a small, delicate woman probably in her late 70's - is going to be featured on her brand new ukulele.

She has taken two lessons so far and, (forgive me for saying this, but...) if her uke playing is anything like her singing, she probably just doesn't have the chops to get a whole lot out of it.

My problem is that, when I told her after last week's rehearsal that I play the uke, she replied (sort of hesitantly) that maybe I can "show her a few things" before the next rehearsal. I could sense that she probably isn't ready to be upstaged by someone who has played a few years, so now I'm wondering how to handle the situation in a way that encourages - rather than discourages her to practice and get better at the instrument.

I know you might be thinking "If she's already in her 70's, she probably has no ego invested in her ukulele playing," but this woman (like many of the seniors in this club) is of a rare breed who goof around and pretend to be singing just for fun, but actually think they've got some talent.

So, should I just try to suck when I play for her, or do you think there's any value in trying to show her what a little practice can accomplish? (PS: I'm no ukulele virtuoso, but my 50 years as a drummer just sort of enables me to sound a lot better on the uke than I actually am!)

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If she asked you if "you could show her a few things", I doubt she's asking for a psrformance. If you have any tips or a mini lesson on something that she is ready for, she would probably be appreciative. It isn't necessary to show off in order to oblige. It also is not necessarh to suck in order not to show off.

No, don't try to suck. "Show her a few things" is about right - start where she is and show her what she needs to practice to get a little better. If you have the target sound picked out, go over the chords or notes she is going to need to play.

I don't think anyone should ever intentionally suck when teaching a student of any level. It sounds like you might not have a lot to work with so try and imagine the best that she could possibly achieve in the time allowed and play to her at that level. I'm imagining something easy like just doing 4 down strokes per measure on a 4/4 song for example. You don't have to give her more than she asked for.

Show her some things that will make changing chords easier for her. And anything else that will make playing easier in general. Then step away. It's her performance. Her holiday show to be in.

If she wants more help, she will ask for it.

All great advice. I am not actually there to coach her or give her lessons, and she didn't ask for that. It was more like "Show me what you got, Junior!" I suppose part of the challenge is that these people think I'm the bee's knees when it comes to everything I do (blush, blush), so (in sort of an immature way) I feel like I need to pull out my best "fooled 'em again" licks when I pick up her instrument to play.

This will be a good exercise in applying how I'd handle this same situation with a young child. In the former case, there's no question my own ego would take a back seat to boosting the child's ego.

There you go. SOLVED! Thank you, everybody!

Why don’t you offer to strum chords to a song that she can sing? So she can show off also. Tell her, you need her vocal help

Help her with the song she is going to play for her performance. Show her easy ways to make chords, if necessary - if possible.

Thats the way to go, there is no ego involved just the action of a mentor helping someone expand their musical capabilities.

If the Township could invest in a few Ukes for use within the centre you never know a Supergroup could be born.

In my opinion if playing a new players uke some songs, it is best to try make it sound as good as possible. That will give encouragement that it is not the uke that needs be better.

If the uke is no good then to buy her/him a better uke if they are interested or suggest that to parents.

I guess you should ask yourself, if you met a ukulele player who was quite good, better than you, and you wanted to jam around with them, would you want them to play poorly just for your sake? That just seems like a condescending approach to playing with someone who wants to play with you. That doesn't mean that you have to go into it with the attitude that you are going to impress them with your dazzling ukulele skills to the point that they just give up then and there, you can play at their level and not have to pretend that you "suck."

Keep it simple. Do not play beyond her current skill.

Wow! I think I really botched my explanation of this situation!

First of all, if you're thinking that I have any delusions of being a great ukulele player, I have to tell you that I am a lifelong drummer who only picked up the uke for fun. I would guess that just about anybody on this forum is as adept or (probably) much MORE adept than I am at the instrument.

This woman is older and is discovering a new pleasure in her life. She wants to hear me play next week. I have a history of sitting down with new uke owners, telling them that I only toy around with the instrument (the truth), apologizing that I don't really play a whole lot lately (also the truth), and then playing my one or two fairly impressive licks for them - only to prompt a reply like "Oh, I'll never be able to do that. I quit!"

I fully understand that I am not a ukulele legend, but I also know that I play well enough to steal the thunder of someone who has a new skill and wants to feel special about it. Maybe I'm still not expressing myself the way I intended.

Anyway, please hold the comments about "condescending" and stuff like that, because those labels are so far from where I'm coming from. I sort of wish I had never posted this now.

Jarmo_S said:

If the uke is no good then to buy her/him a better uke if they are interested or suggest that to parents.

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the parents of "a small, delicate woman probably in her late 70's"??

Not knowing you or the woman, I'll still suggest:

Highlight what she is doing that's positive. Maybe the most you'll be able to say there is that she decided to try to play ukulele, but, hey, *I'm* impressed that anyone of any age is giving it a try, and especially someone who is in her late 70's. How cool is that? She's giving some new and not easy a try.

She may have some physical limitations - arthritis in her fingers, for example - that will make some things more difficult for her. If so, help her find ways to compensate for that, so she can keep playing. Maybe she'll have to drop notes from a chord, or hold the ukulele a bit differently, but there should be ways to help her find what works for her.

But, I'd definitely stress keeping it as positive and encouraging as possible. It should be more about having fun than about perfection. Tell her I think she's awesome for picking up ukulele!

Wukulele said:

the parents of "a small, delicate woman probably in her late 70's"??

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You joke, but we knew a woman in her late 70s who camped near us on Lake Winnipesaukee in NH. Two funny incidents - one afternoon, she said she was going water skiing later in the day. Some of us laughed. "Oh, I always go water skiing on my birthday." And she did.

Another time, we were sitting around, and she said she was going out on her boat later in the day. Her mother was coming for a visit, and she liked riding in the boat. She wasn't kidding. A few hours later, we saw the 70-something walking along the dock with her mother.

Papa Tom said:

Wow! I think I really botched my explanation of this situation!
I sort of wish I had never posted this now.

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. Don't worry about it, I feel that way half the time I post here.

Papa Tom said:

Wow! I think I really botched my explanation of this situation!

First of all, if you're thinking that I have any delusions of being a great ukulele player, I have to tell you that I am a lifelong drummer who only picked up the uke for fun. I would guess that just about anybody on this forum is as adept or (probably) much MORE adept than I am at the instrument.

This woman is older and is discovering a new pleasure in her life. She wants to hear me play next week. I have a history of sitting down with new uke owners, telling them that I only toy around with the instrument (the truth), apologizing that I don't really play a whole lot lately (also the truth), and then playing my one or two fairly impressive licks for them - only to prompt a reply like "Oh, I'll never be able to do that. I quit!"

I fully understand that I am not a ukulele legend, but I also know that I play well enough to steal the thunder of someone who has a new skill and wants to feel special about it. Maybe I'm still not expressing myself the way I intended.

Anyway, please hold the comments about "condescending" and stuff like that, because those labels are so far from where I'm coming from. I sort of wish I had never posted this now.

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If she wants to hear you play, pick a couple of songs you like and just play as you normally do. Don't showboat. She knows you are a more accomplished player, so show her your skills. Do some strumming and a little fingerstyle. I don't think you will discourage her.

Lol I care very little about tiptoeing about peoples' egos when it comes to this kind of thing.

There is no objective reason for hurt feelings.
Skill is skill.

No need to assume your skills will discourage her.
If it was me, I'd demonstrate the extent of my skills and give her a few pointers if she wants them.
If she's butthurt because she realises that she's not the next Jake Shimabukuro, that's her loss.

I have the expectation that everyone should have a realistic sense of their abilities and current limitations.

I am not saying that my own playing is pro-level, but I know how to play to my best potential (which can impress most lay people) and know where I am at in my musical journey of self-improvement. Giving others a reality check when I can is satisfying in its own way.

About this time last year one of the ladies who goes to an exercise class with my wife at the rec center mentioned she had gotten a ukulele as a gift and how her family told he she’d never picked up a musical instrument in her life and would never learn to play it. She accepted the challenge by promising to learn to play a Christmas song by that Christmas. My wife responded by volunteering me to teach her everything I knew between Sept and Christmas.
Patsy, my wife introduced us and told the story. Jan explained her total lack of experience and her determination to show her family up (I think it was one of her grown sons that was teasing her).
Next week I brought her a $5-10 headstock tuner I never use and ”Jingle Bells” tabs I got off the intertubes , I think it had just 3-4 chords: C-F-G-D? I showed her how to transfer the tabs to finger positions on the key board starting with the C chord and had her “strum” the chord slowly enough to hear each note . I told her to practice that one finger chord until she could play it cleanly without muting any strings before trying the two finger F chord and then the three finger G.
She got all that down in another week so I showed her some up/down strums and a D chord to introduce partial barre chords to her. I showed her how to play using one strum per syllable and I showed her how I would play it. Mostly I just directed her to resources available on the internet and Morton Manus’ Ukulele Chord Dictionary
At that point, she was off! Found and learned two more Christmas songs and got her grandchildren to play drums with her at her family concert.