My husband learned this the hard way but now everytime I want something I bring up his Kindle purchase.
Is UAS grounds for divorce?
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Chris Tarman
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I kind of agree with this. If it was a question of spending too much money, that would be one thing. But if the only problem is that she doesn't like your hobby, well, then I am afraid I don't really understand that. My wife and I have separate hobbies, plus a few that we share (bicyclling, snowshoeing, our dogs, etc), but her only objection to my hobbies is the money involved (I THINK, at least). Once in a while she will ask me not to play my ukulele while she is doing certain things, but she isn't opposed to it per se.
It is hard to discuss this much more in depth without specifically knowing what your wife's objection is based on. But if money isn't the issue, then I don't know what it would be. Time, maybe? Does she have any hobbies?
OK.. when I posted this I hadn't read about 2 pages in the middle, so I didn't realize that you HAD explained the problem. My bad (oooh.. I HATE that expression!).
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fahrner
Well-known member
The games we play...........
Chris Tarman
Well-known member
Did anyone ever see the really really old Simpsons episode where Homer was shopping for a birthday present for Marge and bought her the bowling ball he had been wanting (complete with HIS name on it)? That was all I could think about when I read the first post about getting her the uke. I have to say, that would probably NOT go over well. She might say something like "Oh thanks.... here's what I want to do with MY ukulele.... SMASH" . Even if she didn't do anything that drastic, she would likely be upset and take it as a low estimation of her intelligence (which would be kind of hard to blame her for).
Haha yeah, but it's not that old, lol.
My husband tried that on me by saying he was going to buy me a dremel. He didn't know that I've always wanted one.
Everyone should have something that they're passionate about. Your wife hasn't found that special thing yet. You said she is not musical, and not interested in that area. Has she any interest in creating Art of any kind, drawing, painting or sculpture? Or perhaps crafts. Maybe writing would be the thing. Interest in fitness can be fun too. Or restoring old furniture, or creating a family scrapbook. Maybe she is interested in politics. If she has a passion to do something while you are doing your thing, everything works out. Encourage her to do new things. Maybe she likes to travel, and would like to learn another language for the trip.
If she is worried about other women, she is insecure. Give her lots of loving hugs, and show her how much you really love her. It is possible if she has had a bad experience in the past (like divorced parents or cheating ex husbands) she might never completely be free of that worry.
–Lori
If she is worried about other women, she is insecure. Give her lots of loving hugs, and show her how much you really love her. It is possible if she has had a bad experience in the past (like divorced parents or cheating ex husbands) she might never completely be free of that worry.
–Lori
pdxuke
Well-known member
Listen to the woman. :agree:
I've been married 26 years, second marriage. We long ago stopped fighting over toys. We each have interests, and we each have "mad money." It gives me joy to see her spend on something she likes, and I think the reverse is true. We even joke about it.
But we also have things we love to do together, and I make sure that I pay attention to those things.
I think it's time to play the ukes you have, and spend time with the bride. Then, when you are both calm, talk about some mad money for each of you, that you each get to spend on yourselves.
And writing a love song is not a bad idea either.
Good luck!:
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Skrik
Well-known member
She is now my ex-wife. Oh, and I buy all the ukuleles I want.
I have one of those, too. Best move I ever made. YMMV.
The "gotta be me"....the "gotta be we."
For those whom "gotta be me" is first and foremost, there is a status that would be a better option: staying single. But even then, there are "other people."
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grammy
Well-known member
i don't want or intend to step into your marriage but it seems to me to be a very odd thing indeed that your wife is against your playing the uke and would ask you to give it up given the chance.
in a way i get that at times music as a passion can be time and attention consuming and i did have girlfriends who would be jealous of my instruments, or more precisely the time and attention i gave them. but those girlfriends didn't last long, because at the end of the day, even though i am not a pro musician, music is my passion, my hobby my pressure valve my madness, my joie de vivre. Any woman who could not understand accept, embrace and encourage that is not the one for me. Any woman who felt that she was in competition with an inanimate object or skill does not have the emotional maturity to have a grown up relationship.
I feel sorry for you that the person you share your life with is so against something you love. That kind of situation would break my heart and tear me apart. At the very least love is accepting the difference in your interests willingly, not grudgingly.
Incidentaly, i also have an allowance of mad money every month and it is mine to do with as i will. my wife uses hers to by materials for her glass studio and i spend mine on instruments and equipment. it is getting to the point where we need a bigger house.
in a way i get that at times music as a passion can be time and attention consuming and i did have girlfriends who would be jealous of my instruments, or more precisely the time and attention i gave them. but those girlfriends didn't last long, because at the end of the day, even though i am not a pro musician, music is my passion, my hobby my pressure valve my madness, my joie de vivre. Any woman who could not understand accept, embrace and encourage that is not the one for me. Any woman who felt that she was in competition with an inanimate object or skill does not have the emotional maturity to have a grown up relationship.
I feel sorry for you that the person you share your life with is so against something you love. That kind of situation would break my heart and tear me apart. At the very least love is accepting the difference in your interests willingly, not grudgingly.
Incidentaly, i also have an allowance of mad money every month and it is mine to do with as i will. my wife uses hers to by materials for her glass studio and i spend mine on instruments and equipment. it is getting to the point where we need a bigger house.
It would pay to agree on another Ukulele rather that just getting one. Plus figure out an allowance for both of you to do what ever you want with it. Fortunately went I met my wife she realized I was a collector so she prepared herself for my madness. I have 16 Ukuleles of my own and she decided to join me in the fun so I got her one of her own- which I'm not allowed to touch. LOL I let her know my interest in purchasing something and we discuss it first. Sometimes I don't get whet I want but most the time it works out better and there is something better waiting in the wings. Such as the Santa Cruz 000 I just got for under a grand. Had to refinish the top, pull all the fret and plane the fret board but now I have a 4000.00 guitar I've always wanted for a fraction of the price. Had to give a Larrivee Koa parlor guitar. Glad I did!
You might sit down with her and ask her why she doesn't like Ukulele playing? Tell her how much music means to you. And be prepared to not coming to a solution too. Bummer but its far better to have someone to love than another thing.
You might sit down with her and ask her why she doesn't like Ukulele playing? Tell her how much music means to you. And be prepared to not coming to a solution too. Bummer but its far better to have someone to love than another thing.
OP
OP
Okay....time for an update. As you all know, I didn't even consider bidding on the big ticket uke, the Martin, and it has since sold. Of the two ukes I did want to bid on, I decided to pass on the Bushman to increase whatever chances I might have to come to an agreement with my better half. Last night we had a talk....
She was not at all in favor of another uke. She did stop well short of getting angry, and said she appreciated the fact that I didn't buy it without discussing it with her first. I tried to explain to her why I wanted it, given that "you can only play one uke at a time". She still doesn't understand it. I offered to impose a limit on how many ukes I own at once, meaning that a new purchase beyond the limit would require something else to get sold. We couldn't quite agree on that, as she thought a reasonable number would be two. I did suggest that I could sell my soprano if I were to buy this uke on eBay.
After talking about it for some time as we lay in bed, she fell asleep. We never came to a firm agreement. She was gone to work when I got up.
The auction will end before she gets home. I decide to place a bid, and I have. One-time bid, no upping the ante at the end of the auction. If I get the uke, great. If I don't, then so be it. Now its time to chew my fingernails and wait....
She was not at all in favor of another uke. She did stop well short of getting angry, and said she appreciated the fact that I didn't buy it without discussing it with her first. I tried to explain to her why I wanted it, given that "you can only play one uke at a time". She still doesn't understand it. I offered to impose a limit on how many ukes I own at once, meaning that a new purchase beyond the limit would require something else to get sold. We couldn't quite agree on that, as she thought a reasonable number would be two. I did suggest that I could sell my soprano if I were to buy this uke on eBay.
After talking about it for some time as we lay in bed, she fell asleep. We never came to a firm agreement. She was gone to work when I got up.
The auction will end before she gets home. I decide to place a bid, and I have. One-time bid, no upping the ante at the end of the auction. If I get the uke, great. If I don't, then so be it. Now its time to chew my fingernails and wait....
Don't chew so hard that your fingertips bleed. Then you wouldn't be able to play -- too painful.
Good luck with your bid and your wife.
Good luck with your bid and your wife.
Skitzic
Well-known member
Good luck! With everything!
Skrik
Well-known member
She can't accept that different things make different people happy, she can't compromise, and she controls the conversation by conveniently falling asleep, and getting up early the next morning. Sounds to me as if she's trying to bully you into giving in to her control.
SweetWaterBlue
Well-known member
Good luck with it. To sane people (they don't come here), two ukuleles is probably enough, so, you might think about just getting a nicer two than collecting a bunch of less desirable ones. That said, I used to work for the State. Whenever employees would come in and ask me if they could do something which may have been against the encyclopedia sized set of rules we had, but otherwise harmless, I would often reply, "If I told you you can't, would you be very unhappy?" If they said yes, I would tell them not to ask me.
A lot of us men have been in the "talked to her about it, until she fell asleep, and got up early and left the next morning," situation - just not usually about ukes lol. If you figure out how to solve that one in one night, you could be very rich.
Also see this "Dear Abbey" thread, and remember the sign in the kitchen that says, When Momma ain't happy - aint nobody happy."
A lot of us men have been in the "talked to her about it, until she fell asleep, and got up early and left the next morning," situation - just not usually about ukes lol. If you figure out how to solve that one in one night, you could be very rich.
Also see this "Dear Abbey" thread, and remember the sign in the kitchen that says, When Momma ain't happy - aint nobody happy."
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blueswithafeeling
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You know, now that you already talked to her about it with an actual "no result" - it might be a bigger deal if you went ahead and bought it now because she didn't give you a "go for it". It might have been easier to just ask forgiveness later! Now it is "you talked to me but you meant to do it anyway whether I said yes or no!". Sorry . . . it is the whole "buy for me" vs "buy for us" thing . . . I think writing a song for her is a great idea! That might give the ukulele some redeeming qualities in her mind!
portlandjosh
Well-known member
My idea of buying it and giving it to her was a bad one. Homer's bowling ball was a clear parallel! I'm not sure what I'd do in your situation. Very complex. I have the feeling we are watching a plane crashing into a mountain, powerless to stop it! Good luck...
SweetWaterBlue
Well-known member
One last piece of free advice, from a guy married over 30 years to the same wife. Whatever you do, do not tell her you have been discussing it here, and God forbid she ever reads these posts.
