Can I have some good thoughts from everyone?

dkcrown said:
Hoping that everything works out for you Chris. In the end it will, which ever way it goes.

As someone who has gone through what you are going through now, as dificult as it may seem, remember to always stay positive. My marriage of 19 years ended 4 1/2 years ago. It was not what I wanted. There was a third party involved, not on my side. We went through the charade of counseling, but unless both parties really want to try to repair the marriage, it is a waste of time.

I hope that you and your wife can get past whatever hurdles you may face. But if not, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. For me it was a life full of new challenges and opportunities. One of which was learning how to play the ukulele.
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dk, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. But we both seem to want to work things out. The counseling has just started (our second session today), and after the first session last week the counselor suggested that I might want to see a different counselor on my own because of what had happened. So I am having my second "solo" counseling session tomorrow after work. Counseling is all really new to me, although I've known plenty of people who've had good luck with various forms, including some family members. So I know it CAN work, if both parties are willing to go to the effort. So far, so good.
 
One last thing, before I head to bed... I probably don't need to mention this, but... those of you who are friends with me on FaceBook, please don't mention this there. Our families and friends don't know about any of this yet. I just remembered that my niece is on UU (D'oh!), but I don't think she is active at all. Actually, of all my family, she would be the one I could most comfortably talk about this with right now, for various reasons I can't go into! Actually, I just checked, and her last activity was 2/14/11, just after she joined. So... "Whew!!!"
 
Glad that the both of you want it to work out, Chris.

With counseling, like most things in life, the more you put into it the more you get out of it. But too much of it can be confusing and make your head spin. One thing that I remember vividly while I was going through my divorce is that everyone you know or even just met will want to give advice, whether you want it or not. Trust your intuition and instincts, and confide in one special friend or family member.
 
Hey Chris -

I think it's great that your couples counselor suggested that you see someone on your own too. Individual counseling can be where a whole lot of changes take place in you, which can make your future days better whether you and your wife are able to work things out or not. Since you haven't been through counseling before just know that sometimes you may go through some intense stuff (anger at your counselor, shame) that makes you want to quit, but if you keep going you'll be really glad that you did. I know that when I went through it I almost quit many times but didn't and then one day I realized that I didn't have anything stressful left to talk about and I knew I was done.

Keep taking care of yourself, and check in at UU when you need support. You've got a lot of friends here! Take care - Mary (sending much Aloha to you)
 
Good luck Chris. Our thoughts are with you.

–Lori
 
Chris Tarman said:
So I am having my second "solo" counseling session tomorrow after work. Counseling is all really new to me, although I've known plenty of people who've had good luck with various forms, including some family members. So I know it CAN work, if both parties are willing to go to the effort. So far, so good.
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If you've never had any sort of counseling before, I think you'll be very pleased.

It's kinda like if you learned to play uke all on your own for years and years, and now finally you're taking your first lessons from a talented instructor. That extra, trained perspective shows you stuff you never even thought about or noticed, even though it was right there under your fingers and on the fretboard the whole time. And you'll look forward to putting what you learned into practice.


JJ
 
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Hang in there Chris, I've been thru some tough patches in my life and one thing that helps me when things are dismal is the fact that everything changes all the time, so when things are bad, remember that will also change.
 
*e-hug*

and sending good vibes.
 
Oh man...hang in there Chris!! Sending good wishes your way in hoping all can be worked out!!!
 
Sorry to hear that Chris, but very glad you two are trying to work things out. My prayers to you.
 
Hey Chris, I don't know you but know the pain of a marriage in trouble...the serenity prayer helps. Sending you warm aloha.
 
Thanks everyone. This was a good day, although the therapist I was scheduled to see on my own at 5pm stood me up! But things have been good at home.
 
Hello Cyber Uke Buddy:

I'm sending you a uke blast of support. Marriage is hard, but most everything in life (like playing the uke :)) is hard to do well--but worth the effort.

My wish for you is that both you and your bride will find peace, clarity, and always remain friends--no matter how things turn out. Thumbs up, buddy!
 
Hey Chris Tarman --

Happy Wednesday! Your good news of the day? You don't live in Minnesota where it's just damn cold and ishy today. **smile**
 
Chris, you and your wife are in my prayers.

Before I got married, my future brother-in-law asked me this question: Have you heard about the 3 rings of marriage? The engagement ring, the wedding ring... and the suffering.

Not making light of your situation or anyone else's since I've had my own hard times in marriage and we got things back on on track with the help of prayer and yes, effort and willingness. In the end, marriage, happiness as cliche as it sounds is indeed a choice.

I think the biggest illusion during any difficult time is that you have to wait till everything's "OK" to feel better, at peace, even happy. You don't have to wait.
 
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Chris -

You are definitely in my prayers. If there is anything else we can do - let us know! This is the most giving community around!
 
hey Chris. I don't think we have ever spoken on here before but I see you time to time.... You'll pull through, might take a while I guess, considering I have my own assumption (I know I shouldn't), but it will work out for the best, if it's meant to be for the best.


Just remember. Everything in the end turns out OK, if it's not OK, then it's not the end. I feel for you man...
 
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