A Seasonista Wrote This...stuff

Wow! I never dreamed we would have this much participation, let alone such wonderful songwriting talent here. I"m going back to listen to all of these tomorrow.

Here's a collaboration between 2 Seasonistas, though (there's another done and one more in the works going in the opposite direction.) Freeda wrote these lyrics as a poem and I tried to make a song from them and added one line at the end.

 
Rex - Little Feet
Man this is really a great tune, no skimping on the melody (which I have a problem with and so I notice when someone transcends the problem this way) and I admire your facility for adding details. I think that last talent is crucial for making a story...ummm... sing. Not to mention, that it's a fine joyful story with a wonderful point.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5PXEFSbcrE

about all the adventure my wife and I had been on but having a child would be the biggest and best.



Enjoy.
 
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Funnily...
I've signed up to do the very same thing and I can't make myself go and throw songs out to a bunch of (as for now) strangers. Since a bunch of you other Seasonistas are experienced songwriters (I draw encouragement from the wealth of terrific material that Berni writes, for example, hence my thought of calling this Berni's Place or something like that...). I guess I'm just more comfortable here among friends. Thanks to everyone for jumping in to participate.

In the actual Seasons, I tend to add comments to the YT/G+ area of the video itself rather than clutter the (ever busier) seasons themselves SO I thought this smaller group would be a better place to add comments in the body of the forum. That way we can kick things around as a group easier. Naturally, you kids should do what you like on that score but, I was thinking that this would foster more discussion.

Also, and finally for the moment, I find it useful to post more than one version of a song as I'm working on it so I may label my works in progress something like New Tune sketch, New tune - take2, New tune -take 3, New Tune - finished (for now) or something like that.

FiL and I were just lamenting how many months in a row (all of them :() we have intended to go to our local songwriter circle, and there's always some other great thing we go to instead ... and then we thought maybe we might need to start our own, at a more convenient time. Maybe this is our answer? A Seasonista songwriter circle right here whenever we have a moment for it!

Alan, I love your song! And "three kinds of sweet tea" is my very favorite line. (Even though I don't really understand it either. Sometimes sound and image matter more than meaning.) Please don't mess with it. :(
 
Hey Brian,

This one really knocks me out. I like opening with the harp to set a mood and the break when it returns is even better.

I think it's hard to take on the protest song genre (if you don't mind me calling it that) without sounding either whiny or furious. The tone here is perfect for my money, though. It sounds like you know that they know that what you're saying is true and that they're just so ****ing greedy that they don't care about the consequences down the line. And, still, you stick to the facts rather than calling them names or sounding like a victim. This way, it seems to me, lots of people might pick this up and sing it the way they did, "The Times They are A' Changin'".

I was hoping you'd bring a refrain back and the way you did it at the end without fanfare or hitting it on the head too hard worked a treat.

I was reading an interview with Richard Thompson tonight that mentioned that he'd written lyrics on one record in weird geometric shapes and the like and he said that he hated the idea that folks might read them before they listened to them in the context of the song where they belonged but the record company wanted to print them so he made them difficult to read.

Likewise, I find that these words marry with the song so well that I can't believe the lyrics are the same when I read them after hearing the song. It seems much longer and more detailed when I hear it and I realize that it's the concentration of packed in ideas in each stanza that you've used that makes the song so powerful to me.

Great job and I really enjoyed hearing it, thanks.

This line tripped me up a little for some reason (number of syllables maybe)
Now shouldn’t worry about the future’s troubles

I was wondering about
Without a worry for the future's troubles (?)
Or, if you wanted to point a finger directly just once here
You never care about the future's troubles
or
don't give a s** about the future's troubles
although, I don't know if that says what you mean to say or not.

Also, you added a "the" in when you sang it that wasn't in the lyrics and I liked the addition, for what that's worth.

New this morning so really just an idea at the moment,
Dig Another Hole.
Had to use two harmonicas.


Dig another hole
Like a greedy mole
Bring up what is down
Inside out the planet’s gown

Inject and chemically frack
Make those gas rocks crack
Till the water burns and bubbles
Now shouldn’t worry about the future’s troubles

Scrape away the worthless layers
Shove aside the nay sayers
Chop down the last darn tree
Those freakin’ chemicals need to be freed

Wring out those oil filled sands
Modern life has big demands
Ignore the fossil bones you find
That’ll never happen to human kind

Stick a hole in the ocean floor
Suck it all out right to the core
Gotta find those mother lodes
Til the hollow husk implodes
 
Ah! The relationship of personkind to nature! Terrific stuff. We seem to be foolish, needy and yet awed by the grandeur and power of the Snake. I like the picked refrain, too. It almost sounded like a banjo line from a Foster song. I like that you didn't rush the performance, too. I think this would be diminished by rocketing thorough (see what...?) the story rather than musing from the banks.

I wrote this one for Myrna's 19th Season of the Ukulele---songs about rivers. I grew up in Twin Falls, Idaho, just a couple miles from the Snake River canyon. My hometown's best known as the site of Evel Kneivel's failed attempt to jump a canyon in a "rocket bike".

 
This line tripped me up a little for some reason (number of syllables maybe)
Now shouldn’t worry about the future’s troubles

I was wondering about
Without a worry for the future's troubles (?)
Or, if you wanted to point a finger directly just once here
You never care about the future's troubles
or
don't give a s** about the future's troubles
although, I don't know if that says what you mean to say or not.

Thanks for listening and commenting Alan.
Berni offered some suggestions in a PM too.
Mainly to do with the first verse
He suggested

Dig another hole
Like a greedy mole
Unearth what's underneath
What future will we bequeath?
and
Dig another hole
Like a greedy mole
Unearth what's underground,
Exploit what you have found.

I kinda liked using inside out as a verb

And I also liked the picture of the planet wearing an inside out gown like someone whose wits aren't what they once were might do (someone once loved but now uncared for)

As I said in my intro this really is very new and raw.
Of your suggestions I like the
Without a worry for the future's troubles

I'd probably go for
Why worry about the future's troubles
or
Today shouldn't bother with tomorrow's troubles
or even more syllables
The present shouldn't worry about the future's troubles
Which is what I was trying to say

I do appreciate that you and Berni have had a listen to the song.

I often write stuff and never revisit them again.
 
I don't know about Alan, but I just found the gown reference far too obscure. I only understand it now because I just read what you wrote above. Unless one is into writing "modern" poetry (i.e. poetry that you need a Coles notes companion book to be able to begin to understand) then I am in the "If it isn't understood easily, then it shouldn't be in the song" camp.
 
I don't think every thing in song needs to be easily understood.
A lot of songs I really like I don't understand at all.
Under The Milky Way and Unguarded Moment by The Church are two prime examples. I kinda get rifles for eyes but horses for hearts?

I guess the inside out gown also refers to the fact that they are never as careful putting things back how they were as they are getting the stuff out.
Someone very hastily dressed to hide their imperfections.

Like how they "reconstruct" an autopsy cadaver - yes I have been there.

I am starting to feel like my song is having an autopsy
 
Autopsies are for dead things Brian. I'm sure Alan and I are trying to help your song breathe more easily and take off for the sky, because it deserves to.

There are some brilliant songs in which the meaning is obscure, (I am the Walrus, anyone?) but the problem here is that the rest of the song is fairly straightforward and flows easily. It's that gown line that just stopped me dead in my tracks and while I was trying to figure it out half the song had gone by without me giving it my full attention. I never did figure it out and only understood it with the "Author's notes" above :).

However, if you had rather we didn't comment on your song(s), I'll shut up.
 
Autopsies are for dead things Brian. I'm sure Alan and I are trying to help your song breathe more easily and take off for the sky, because it deserves to.

There are some brilliant songs in which the meaning is obscure, (I am the Walrus, anyone?) but the problem here is that the rest of the song is fairly straightforward and flows easily. It's that gown line that just stopped me dead in my tracks and while I was trying to figure it out half the song had gone by without me giving it my full attention. I never did figure it out and only understood it with the "Author's notes" above :).

However, if you had rather we didn't comment on your song(s), I'll shut up.

Yes I agree the gist of the song needs to be understood but maybe not every line has to be spelt out.
I'm not sure a living patient always enjoys hearing about the need for some corrective surgery.
But if it means you are really listening I guess I'll take the comments.


As long as I can comment on your comments.
 
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There are so many lines in this song that are outstanding. You could have made several nice songs out of it!! I don't even know if I could pick out a favorite line. Perhaps "chick flicky queasy"? Such a catchy tune too :) I feel like I'm not gushing enough...I LOVE IT!

In lovey-dovey, soppy mode.

 
Me like :) Really, a song that makes you think about living in the moment. You can't have too many of those kinds of songs. Great!
Wow! I never dreamed we would have this much participation, let alone such wonderful songwriting talent here. I"m going back to listen to all of these tomorrow.

Here's a collaboration between 2 Seasonistas, though (there's another done and one more in the works going in the opposite direction.) Freeda wrote these lyrics as a poem and I tried to make a song from them and added one line at the end.

 
So, I'm wondering. Are we posting songs here just to share or to get feedback/opinions or both. Perhaps we could indicate what we prefer when we post?? I personally would like the feedback. Even if I didn't agree with it :eek: After all everyone has different tastes right?
 
So, I'm wondering. Are we posting songs here just to share or to get feedback/opinions or both. Perhaps we could indicate what we prefer when we post?? I personally would like the feedback. Even if I didn't agree with it :eek: After all everyone has different tastes right?

I think that's a good suggestion. I prefer feedback too--I've written very few songs that I'm 100% satisfied with--but that may not be the case for everyone. It does take some thick skin to accept constructive criticism on a public forum. One bit of criticism y'all would be well within your rights to lob my way: "Hey FiL, don't just post your songs--take the time to listen to everyone else's songs, too!" And I will, when I have the time, because I already know some of you are great writers.

- FiL
 
Hey Alan ..."three kinds of sweet tea" ...actually is rather clever.....it could mean three kinds of "sweet" slightly , bitter , saccharine ,pleasantly and then tea.

As opposed to just sweet tea - three possible varieties: jasmine, lapsang or Earl (which is a title ...not a first name !)...which is also possible...

or sweetness varieties of the beverage lemon, sugar or honeyed or combos of .....etc etc etc (as the King of Siam famously uttered)

What have you started?......cool.

CJ

Hmmm ...need to put the kettle on now ...proper tea though ....orange coloured wi' a splash o' milk and strong enough ter stand spoon up in..
 
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Autopsies are for dead things Brian. I'm sure Alan and I are trying to help your song breathe more easily and take off for the sky, because it deserves to.

Mate it has 25 views on YouTube.
It is certainly on life support and obviously needs all the help it can get.:)
Thanks Berni and Alan.
I have a song in the works inspired by the help that has been offered.
 
Sorry pal.
I can refrain from making comments, no problem.

I guess I'm just thinking about the kinds of comments I'd like to hear about stuff I've put some effort into, but I should have asked first. This is the kind of stuff I do with the band sometimes and we ignore advice as often as not. Having said that, Bill helped me to rewrite some lyrics from stem to stern lately and Berni and I have collaborated in the past throwing versions and re-writes back and forth and Freeda and I are beginning to do some of the same. BUT I dig that you didn't ask for comments and especially not for suggestions so, apologies.

I don't think every thing in song needs to be easily understood.
A lot of songs I really like I don't understand at all.
Under The Milky Way and Unguarded Moment by The Church are two prime examples. I kinda get rifles for eyes but horses for hearts?

I guess the inside out gown also refers to the fact that they are never as careful putting things back how they were as they are getting the stuff out.
Someone very hastily dressed to hide their imperfections.

Like how they "reconstruct" an autopsy cadaver - yes I have been there.

I am starting to feel like my song is having an autopsy
 
Sorry pal.
I can refrain from making comments, no problem.

I guess I'm just thinking about the kinds of comments I'd like to hear about stuff I've put some effort into, but I should have asked first. This is the kind of stuff I do with the band sometimes and we ignore advice as often as not. Having said that, Bill helped me to rewrite some lyrics from stem to stern lately and Berni and I have collaborated in the past throwing versions and re-writes back and forth and Freeda and I are beginning to do some of the same. BUT I dig that you didn't ask for comments and especially not for suggestions so, apologies.

Not at all Alan.
As I said it really was just an idea in the making with plenty of room for improvement.
Comments mean some thought has gone in to the listening which I really do appreciate.

Just keep in mind I usually don't post stuff i don't like and help me 'improve' in your usual kindly way.
Cheers, Brian.
 
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