Season 124 - Ready...Set...Write!

This week is going to be really busy for me! Thats my excuse

This song that I call "The Final Chapter" has been writing itself in my mind since last week.

I know it is extremely repetitive and for that I apologize!!!

Last week I did a DARK version of "In The Pines" and I mentioned to BEVMO that the song didn't seem finished in my vision and that I almost added some original lyrics but decided against it. Then this week popped up early in the day and my brain wouldn't let go of the song. So Im taking advantage of this week to kill the song and put it in the grave. I even added some petrified petunias in the beginning hahaha

Let me explain what you'll be seeing here. I have tried to follow your rules John. No lyrics from the original are used but it is set to the same tune and it is the "Final Chapters" of the story...all original. I have used the last few seconds of my video from last week to lead into this video so if your familiar with what I did last week this truly is the final chapters to the story. I hope its acceptable and that it qualifies.



Killed a man, killed a man
hear 'em comin for me
and I listen to the cold winds blow

in the deepest darkest night
hear the dogs after me
hear the howlin in the whipping winds

Insrumental

Through the low crawlin fog
see the gallows raised for me
Soon be hanging, cold in the wind

The bi-tter night air
I can taste the death draw near
And the Devil is waitin for me

ddanner said:

O.K. I've got bits and pieces of lyrics for a song that I have had on my PC for nearly two years. This would be a great opportunity for me to actually put it all together and post for SOTU 124. I've never completed this song because I thought I should have a "Bridge" in it. I know lots of songs do not, but I guess I felt compelled to create one for it as a "learning to write a song requirement" for myself. Now I am thinking that perhaps I just created an artificial block to give me a subconscious excuse to NOT finish it!

Would anyone like to offer some advice to: 1. help me determine if a bridge is actually needed, and 2., if I find I need one, how best to approach creating it from the melody or chord progression I have been using for the verses.

I know a Forum Format makes it difficult to carry on two way discussions so please feel free to PM me on this if you'd like to help. And, if I should have posted this question to a different sub-forum other thant SOTU please let me know. HELP! - ddanner

Click to expand...

If you're stuck for a bridge, a lot of times a bridge is done in the relative minor of the key the song is in. So if the song is in C, you start the bridge in Am. If the song is in G, start the bridge in Em, etc. That way the bridge will still sound like it fits with the rest of the song, while the minor gives that part of the song a different feel.

No time to catch up on these excellent vids right now (I'm plumb tuckered) but I did make a small change to the original post. If you have songs that you have written in the past you are welcome to enter them as "bonus tracks" this week. Just state that they're a bonus and not an entry.

Thanks,
John

PS: Did I mention that you guys rock?!

ddanner said:

O.K. I've got bits and pieces of lyrics for a song that I have had on my PC for nearly two years. This would be a great opportunity for me to actually put it all together and post for SOTU 124. I've never completed this song because I thought I should have a "Bridge" in it. I know lots of songs do not, but I guess I felt compelled to create one for it as a "learning to write a song requirement" for myself. Now I am thinking that perhaps I just created an artificial block to give me a subconscious excuse to NOT finish it!

Would anyone like to offer some advice to: 1. help me determine if a bridge is actually needed, and 2., if I find I need one, how best to approach creating it from the melody or chord progression I have been using for the verses.

I know a Forum Format makes it difficult to carry on two way discussions so please feel free to PM me on this if you'd like to help. And, if I should have posted this question to a different sub-forum other thant SOTU please let me know. HELP! - ddanner

Click to expand...

In addition to the relative minor, as uke4ia mentioned, another device is to move up by a fourth, so say the original key is C, you would start the bridge with an F chord. Also, bridges typically end with the V7, or some variation thereof, so in the key of C that would be a G7.

ddanner said:

O.K. I've got bits and pieces of lyrics for a song that I have had on my PC for nearly two years. This would be a great opportunity for me to actually put it all together and post for SOTU 124. I've never completed this song because I thought I should have a "Bridge" in it. I know lots of songs do not, but I guess I felt compelled to create one for it as a "learning to write a song requirement" for myself. Now I am thinking that perhaps I just created an artificial block to give me a subconscious excuse to NOT finish it!

Would anyone like to offer some advice to: 1. help me determine if a bridge is actually needed, and 2., if I find I need one, how best to approach creating it from the melody or chord progression I have been using for the verses.

I know a Forum Format makes it difficult to carry on two way discussions so please feel free to PM me on this if you'd like to help. And, if I should have posted this question to a different sub-forum other thant SOTU please let me know. HELP! - ddanner

Click to expand...

A Bridge is not always necessary, it depends on the song. Putting one in can let you develop some aspect of the theme that maybe you didn't feel fits comfortably with the verses. As to what to do musically. Jim above suggested the relative minor of the key the song is in. Another common key change in the bridge is to change key to the dominant (that is the key based on the V chord of your original key), so if you are in C make the bridge in G. (G, C D7 chords). Notice the C chord is there so you can use a G to C progression at the end of the bridge to get back to C for the rest of the song.

I see Doug has suggested the other change I was going to suggest.

Oh, yay! So happy for the bonus theme. I wrote this song last week and video'd it Friday morning, so I only missed the boat for this theme by a few days. It's over on the "Seasonista Wrote This" thread, and FiL covered it in a tribute on Saturday, but I am very fond of it and was a bit sad it hasn't had a more prominent place to be seen.

I saw this meme on Facebook, and about an hour later it turned itself into a song. It pretty well encapsulates just about everything I think is important in life, so, if you missed it, I hope you take a moment to check it out.



I am a tiny potato, and I believe in you!

ddanner said:

O.K. I've got bits and pieces of lyrics for a song that I have had on my PC for nearly two years. This would be a great opportunity for me to actually put it all together and post for SOTU 124. I've never completed this song because I thought I should have a "Bridge" in it. I know lots of songs do not, but I guess I felt compelled to create one for it as a "learning to write a song requirement" for myself. Now I am thinking that perhaps I just created an artificial block to give me a subconscious excuse to NOT finish it!

Would anyone like to offer some advice to: 1. help me determine if a bridge is actually needed, and 2., if I find I need one, how best to approach creating it from the melody or chord progression I have been using for the verses.

I know a Forum Format makes it difficult to carry on two way discussions so please feel free to PM me on this if you'd like to help. And, if I should have posted this question to a different sub-forum other thant SOTU please let me know. HELP! - ddanner

Click to expand...

If I've only got "bits and pieces" of a song, I don't worry about it. I just repeat them a couple times.

If you're not sure if a song needs another part, try using a different melody over the same chords. That might do the trick. If you're sure you need another part, try to find a new chord that sounds good in context, but that takes the song to a different place. Then to write the bridge, figure out how many chords (if any) you need to get back to the original structure. I hope that makes sense. If you have any questions about these ideas, PM me.

uke4ia said:

If you're stuck for a bridge, a lot of times a bridge is done in the relative minor of the key the song is in. So if the song is in C, you start the bridge in Am. If the song is in G, start the bridge in Em, etc. That way the bridge will still sound like it fits with the rest of the song, while the minor gives that part of the song a different feel.

Click to expand...

Thanks! That was a big help. I did get something figured out "sort of" along those lines. I am not sure if it technically meets the definition of a "Bridge" or not, but it works for me (at least for now) and I'm hoping I can now get this newly birthed (?nearly 2 years gestation on the PC, that's not good!) song recorded and uploaded asap. Thanks again for the help. What a wonderful bunch of folks I've been lucky enough to find here! Happy to now be a part of it.

TheOnlyUkeThatMatters said:

If I've only got "bits and pieces" of a song, I don't worry about it. I just repeat them a couple times.

If you're not sure if a song needs another part, try using a different melody over the same chords. That might do the trick. If you're sure you need another part, try to find a new chord that sounds good in context, but that takes the song to a different place. Then to write the bridge, figure out how many chords (if any) you need to get back to the original structure. I hope that makes sense. If you have any questions about these ideas, PM me.

Click to expand...

Thanks Ralf, that makes all the sense in the world and was quite helpful. SOTU Rocks!

I love that we're talking songwriting and bridges and song structure here. I hope I won't be hijacking the thread if I ask a question of my own about it, somewhat related to this very informative discussion of bridges that Dennis started. (I'm learning a lot ... I've been writing bridges by "feel" ... it never occurred to me to ask or research how to do it. It's interesting that there's some "science" to it too, not just "art".)

Anyway, here's my question: I wrote a song. FiL covered it. He made some changes to it, structurally - removed parts of the choruses and built out the bridge. He made a few melodic changes too. I like my version. I like his too. It's quite possible we might one day play it together. There are two different versions. So now what?!

What I really want to know is, if you were me, which changes would you incorporate, and what would you keep as it is? I'm a bit too close to it any more to really even be sure what I prefer, but I'm mostly interested in what works best for the song ... for my listeners.

Here's my "Tiny Potato".
And here's FiL's.

If you can stand to listen to it twice (sure you can ... Tiny Potato believes in you ... you really can't hear that too often ), I'd sure love to hear your feedback.


[If you think I should take this some place else, that's cool. If you want to give feedback privately, that's great. My PM inbox is full - sorry about that - but my alter ego's ("UkeCan1 2.0") is not. If you're on Facebook, that's by far the best place for me to receive messages. (I see it pretty promptly, and it doesn't fill up and require maintenance!)]

This is the 1st song I have ever written on ukulele.

OldePhart said:

No time to catch up on these excellent vids right now (I'm plumb tuckered) but I did make a small change to the original post. If you have songs that you have written in the past you are welcome to enter them as "bonus tracks" this week. Just state that they're a bonus and not an entry.

Thanks,
John

PS: Did I mention that you guys rock?!

Click to expand...

Oh this is good news! I've got a couple I've been meaning to share for a while. Watch this space this evening.

I'm just an angry old man

Davendra Banhart inspired original song.



Basic 12 bar Blues Chords (G C D)
Well I am a grumpy old man
Well I am a angry old man
Well I am a grumpy old man
Well I am a angry old man
Don’t mess with me or you soon will see
A real grumpy old man


Well some people treat me like I’m mad
Yeah some people treat me like I’m mad
and I think that is kinda sad
and it makes me want to treat them bad
They don’t know jack and that a stone cold fact
Cos I’m man


Don’t tell me what clothes I should wear
Don’t ever say I need to comb my hair
Don’t try to shave the hair out of my ears
Don’t dare to water down my beer
I know what I lack, give me my six pack
Cos I’m man

Don’t stop me when I head for the door
Don’t need your help at the cigar store
Don’t tell me to zip up my pants
Cos I can do anything I wants
You can tell by my smile, that I just might go wild
Cos I’m man

At my age never trust a fart
Cos it might break your heart
and pull the hairs out of your nose
And clean the stuff from between your toes
Do a pee at every chance, don’t walk if you can dance
if you’re a man

My own friends I want to choose
The ones who can get me cheap booze
The ones who like their pork with fat
The ones who wear a dodgers hat
We can crawl around the floor, sing and shout for more
Cos we are men

Don’t need you to help me blow my nose
Don’t need you to help me count my toes
Don’t need you to help me put on my clothes
Don’t need you to hug me when it snows
I got thermal underwear, and I just don’t care
Cos I'm a man

Don’t let good taste stand in the way of style
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile
In my shoes with the hole in the sole
Or live for thirty years on the dole
From the cradle to the grave you just got to be brave
If you’re a man

Never mind the children.
Someone needs to explain to me why the chance of there being a next mass shooting in a school is just as high as the chance of the last mass shooting in a school.

There are harder things to explain seen on the evening news than anything I've witnessed here on this forum.
The world's a funny place.

Keep it clean.
If only we could.
No one gunned down.
That’d be good.

Keep it clean?
How can it be done?
When we must have our pistols
We must have our guns.

Keep it clean.
In the U S of A
It’s not what is done
It’s what not to say.

Keep it clean?
Kids shot down at school
Shot down at colleges.
But bad words ain’t cool.

Keep it clean.
The Lord loves a weapon
But in a God fearing land
Don’t let bad language happen

Keep it clean.
God loves a gun
But don’t get too bawdy
Fornication ain’t fun

Keep it clean?
It’s the land of the free
I’ve a right to shoot you
You’ve a right to shoot me

Keep it clean?
Where they shoot you for fun
As they drive by in their car
And you’re on your morning run

SOTU 124 - "Busking" by ddanner

First a really big "Thank You" to all of you that responded to my plea for help with my "To Bridge or Not To Bridge" question. That was what I learned the most from this weeks challenge, and your advice was most "edifying." (Does that word seem too high brow for discussing ukein' stuff?)

I'm sure that what I did wrt adding a bridge to this song will be obvious to everyone, especially those of you that provided suggestions. Please do not hesitate to be critical of this song's structure, etc., especially wrt the bridge. I know that I have more to learn from this week's SOTU composition.

Without further adieu, here it tis:



I'll be glad to come back and post the lyrics if anyone wants them. Just feeling a bit lazy at the moment after staying up past midnight to get tickets to TBUG!
Update:
==============
"Busking"

Chords Used: C G Am / F G7 C / F G7 C Am

I'm just sittin' here strummin' my song
Watchin' as you all walk along.
Hopin' to bring some cheer,
If only you'll lend an ear.
Please . . . lend me your ear.

Some walkin' hand in hand
Others standin' alone.
Some look to the sky,
Others look to their phone.
Please put away the phone.

Please look me in the eye
see my face as you pass me by
maybe even nod "Hello,"
And stay a-while before you go
At least pause here before you go.

Please sing along
Won't you sing along
I want to hear your so .o .o . .ong
Please sing along

I know just what to do,
Been feelin' a little blue,
If you'll stop and lend me your ear,
I'll try to bring us both some cheer
We all could use more cheer.

Now that you've heard my song,
Won't you please sing along!
Sing out a verse or two.
You'll feel better if you do.
So much better if you do.

Please sing along
Won't you sing along
I want to hear your so .o .o . .ong
Please sing along

UkeCan1 said:

. . .
Anyway, here's my question: I wrote a song. FiL covered it. He made some changes to it, structurally - removed parts of the choruses and built out the bridge. He made a few melodic changes too. I like my version. I like his too. It's quite possible we might one day play it together. There are two different versions. So now what?!

What I really want to know is, if you were me, which changes would you incorporate, and what would you keep as it is? I'm a bit too close to it any more to really even be sure what I prefer, but I'm mostly interested in what works best for the song ... for my listeners.
. . .
]

Click to expand...

Wendy, I think your last 3 words should answer your question. I like both versions, but I think the two styles would have greatest appeal to two widely different audiences (i.e. "listeners). I found the ragtime tempo of Fil's version more to my "senior" tastes, but I think younger audiences would prefer your original version. Why can't you both practice it together both ways and have it ready for either type of audience?

Dennis, thanks so much for taking the time to listen to both and give feedback!

My question though, was not about the stylistic differences. It was about the structure. FiL added some stuff, removed some stuff, and moved some stuff around - specifically in the choruses and bridge. I'm trying to decide whether I should incorporate some or all of those changes, or keep the song as I wrote it.

I'm also not planning to make any melodic changes ... I'm happy with that aspect as is.
I don't think either of us could change styles if we tried! I'm happy for those differences.

The song has a chart. The chart reflects the song as I played it. Do I keep the structure as reflected there, or will making changes to the structure make it a better song?

Sorry - I thought I made that clear in my OP, but I see now it was completely unclear!

Sorry, I don't mean to be hijacking here ... might post the question on the Facebook group later.
(www.facebook.com/groups/Seasonistas)

I don't know how many of you have come across Molly yet but she is adorable and talented and sure makes this writing thing look simple!

Right, here's my first bonus while the actual song comes together. This is a song I started writing about 4 years ago, the idea sort of sprung on me on the way to work one day and the lyrics came very easily. But at that time the only instrument I played was guitar. Badly. I knew what I wanted it to sound like but couldn't quite translate it. So it went away for a while. Then a few months ago I was just having a bit of a mess around and the riff came out of nowhere and it all sort of fell into place from there.

It started its life when I was 18 but it's written from the perspective of my 13 year-old self and is about that first 'relationship' you have in high school. Lyrics on YouTube.

Aaand the second. Not much of a story about this one. Decided to write a blues song last year because why not, but it was still back when I just had a guitar. At the time I'd just moved out of my dad's place to the dingiest bedsit you could imagine and spent a lot of my time between there and going seeing my nieces across Portsmouth Harbour. Both buildings had green doors. Played it at open mic a few times on guitar and it went down okay but it lacked something.

Fast forward a few months to Reading Festival, I'm sat in the campsite having just had my mind blown by Savages. High on life, beer and second-hand weed smoke I fished my Dolphin out of my tent and worked this song out on it and it was a vast improvement and my favourite moment of the weekend.