How does one delete their account from the foum site?

EDW said:
It is great to hear you will stick around. It is hard to offer any wisdom that may matter. As you say, it is important to not make decisions when you are in a bad place. That is one place in life where being a procrastinator can be a good thing. Keep playing and sharing here. I am looking forward to hear some good music from you.
Click to expand...
thank you for your writing brother.
 
mountain goat said:
all of you who have read my message and commented
(and messaged me), thank you.
truth is, yes i am in a bad place, really the last 18 months,
particularly these last weeks. really it's about my mental health
and my physical health...they seem to inter-relate - w/out going into
overbearing detail, i came home from hospital today after 2 weeks
and just trying to find some solid ground.
i've had no reply from the mods and in a way i think
i'm glad. i don't really want to leave here. sometimes my emotions
and sadness overwhelm me.
my solid ground - a big piece of it - is actually here.
when i go overboard i tend to burn bridges and now, at 50
and really, living as a hermit, i can't afford to burn many more,
especially this bridge here
that keeps me connected to lovely people like you guys and gals.
thank you folks.
love xo
Click to expand...
Thank you for the deeply personal post. Though I suspect you aren't keen on 'preaching', it's a fact that God will do great things in your life if you simply ask through prayer. Regardless of what organized religion would like you to believe, you need no secret sauce, third party intermediary or fancy canned verbiage. Talk with Him like he's your fishing buddy, your homey. He understands, friend. His Son endured far worse for all our sakes. I'm never stronger than when on my knees in prayer. Godspeed, my brother.
 
MG, I don't believe our digital paths have crossed, but I very much appreciate what I have seen of your posts and your playing.

I am genuinely glad to have you here, and wish you all the best and much strength in whatever challenges you face.
 
mountain goat said:
...I came home from hospital today after 2 weeks
and just trying to find some solid ground...
Click to expand...
Jon, I hope my story might help you. In 1973 at 23 years old, I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease, lymph cancer. At that time the only treatment for cancer was radiation, and they blasted me with it, from my neck down to my crotch. Over the last 50 years the damage it did keeps cropping up, starting with it killed my thyroid requiring life long replacement medication.

A few years later I found that I would easily strain my shoulder and neck muscles. My identical twin brother and I were getting ready to do a workout when I took off my T-shirt and he noticed that my shoulder and neck muscles were very atrophied. I went to a neurologist, who said the radiation damaged the nerves in my spinal cord at my neck and there is no treatment, much like any spinal cord injury. To this day I can't hold up my head properly and a neck brace only makes it worse. (BTW, because of being identical twins where one gets cancer, we became part of a twin study program at USC School of Medicine.)

Then in 1996 I had a routine stress test and it was found that the coronary arteries around my heart were damaged from the radiation and I had to have open heart by-pass surgery of all five of them. Cedars Sinai did a great job and I was out of the hospital in three and a half days. In 2002 During a routine urology exam, blood cells were found in my urine, which was bladder cancer, again from the radiation, but it was very early stages and after the procedure, I was deemed cured. Shortly after I wasn't eligible for the company provided better health insurance and had to go to a limited self pay plan at another hospital (Kaiser), which cost me a lot of money every year.

About twelve years later I was having on going chest pains and found that the Kaiser dropped the ball and allowed four of the by-pass arteries to close up. Kaiser said nothing could be done, but I insisted on a second opinion, which got them to put in one stent. A couple of years later during a routine exam, they found that both my carotid arteries in my neck were closing up, damaged by the radiation, so they put stents in both.

Shortly after, I had to have my right hip replaced from a car accident I had many years before. Then in 2019 during an exam, they found that two valves in my heart were damaged from the radiation and I had to have another open heart surgery to replace those, but the surgeon botched the job and I now have to live with a hernia in my chest at the surgery site.

In 2020 I went to dermatology for a routine exam and they found that on both sides of my neck under my ear lobes was Squamish cancer, again caused by the radiation. I also had them look at a sore just below on one side and was told it's nothing.

Over those years I was diagnosed with an enlarged prostate, though they do not admit it, I know it was also caused by the radiation because my identical twin brother does not have the problem, and Kaiser let it ride continually.

Then December of 2021, I complained again of angina, and Kaiser said the fifth artery that was good, is closing up and they put in a stent. By this time I was getting fed up with the way Kaiser handled me and finally decided to leave there and pay the price for better health insurance and went back to Cedars Sinai (yes, the US has a terrible reputation for health insurance).

As soon as I did, my new cardiologist said they could stent the arteries that Kaiser said couldn't be done. Also, my new urologist said they could fix my prostate because letting it ride like Kaiser did, caused me to have a severe urinary tract infection.

Then a couple weeks ago during a dermatology exam, I asked about the sore on my neck that Kaiser said was nothing, which turned out to actually be skin cancer, and was removed successfully a couple of days ago.

To finally get to my point, during all of this over the 50 years, the thing that got me through it was having a positive attitude. I did not for one minute let anything get me down, I always dwelled on the good things in my life; playing guitar, then ukulele, consciously keeping connected with family and friends, specifically joining music groups to occupy myself. That's even easier now with all the internet and Zoom live presentations going on. I never got married and have no kids (that I know of) but once I got into my thirties and matured, realizing that time never stops, I resolved to not ever feel lonely or depressed. It's a mind set that you are in control of your reactions to adversity, only you.

Glad to see that you value your connection to this group, keep it up and spread it out more.
Michael Kohan in Los Angeles, Beverly Grove near the Beverly Center
4 tenor thinline cutaway ukes, 3 thinline acoustic bass ukes, 5 solid body bass ukes
•Donate to The Ukulele Kids Club, they provide ukuleles to children in hospital music therapy programs. www.theukc.org
•Member Cali Rose & The CC Strummers: www.youtube.com/user/CCStrummers/video, www.facebook.com/TheCCStrummers
 
KohanMike said:
Jon, I hope my story might help you. In 1973 at 23 years old, I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease, lymph cancer. At that time the only treatment for cancer was radiation, and they blasted me with it, from my neck down to my crotch. Over the last 50 years the damage it did keeps cropping up, starting with it killed my thyroid requiring life long replacement medication.

A few years later I found that I would easily strain my shoulder and neck muscles. My identical twin brother and I were getting ready to do a workout when I took off my T-shirt and he noticed that my shoulder and neck muscles were very atrophied. I went to a neurologist, who said the radiation damaged the nerves in my spinal cord at my neck and there is no treatment, much like any spinal cord injury. To this day I can't hold up my head properly and a neck brace only makes it worse. (BTW, because of being identical twins where one gets cancer, we became part of a twin study program at USC School of Medicine.)

Then in 1996 I had a routine stress test and it was found that the coronary arteries around my heart were damaged from the radiation and I had to have open heart by-pass surgery of all five of them. Cedars Sinai did a great job and I was out of the hospital in three and a half days. In 2002 During a routine urology exam, blood cells were found in my urine, which was bladder cancer, again from the radiation, but it was very early stages and after the procedure, I was deemed cured. Shortly after I wasn't eligible for the company provided better health insurance and had to go to a limited self pay plan at another hospital (Kaiser), which cost me a lot of money every year.

About twelve years later I was having on going chest pains and found that the Kaiser dropped the ball and allowed four of the by-pass arteries to close up. Kaiser said nothing could be done, but I insisted on a second opinion, which got them to put in one stent. A couple of years later during a routine exam, they found that both my carotid arteries in my neck were closing up, damaged by the radiation, so they put stents in both.

Shortly after, I had to have my right hip replaced from a car accident I had many years before. Then in 2019 during an exam, they found that two valves in my heart were damaged from the radiation and I had to have another open heart surgery to replace those, but the surgeon botched the job and I now have to live with a hernia in my chest at the surgery site.

In 2020 I went to dermatology for a routine exam and they found that on both sides of my neck under my ear lobes was Squamish cancer, again caused by the radiation. I also had them look at a sore just below on one side and was told it's nothing.

Over those years I was diagnosed with an enlarged prostate, though they do not admit it, I know it was also caused by the radiation because my identical twin brother does not have the problem, and Kaiser let it ride continually.

Then December of 2021, I complained again of angina, and Kaiser said the fifth artery that was good, is closing up and they put in a stent. By this time I was getting fed up with the way Kaiser handled me and finally decided to leave there and pay the price for better health insurance and went back to Cedars Sinai (yes, the US has a terrible reputation for health insurance).

As soon as I did, my new cardiologist said they could stent the arteries that Kaiser said couldn't be done. Also, my new urologist said they could fix my prostate because letting it ride like Kaiser did, caused me to have a severe urinary tract infection.

Then a couple weeks ago during a dermatology exam, I asked about the sore on my neck that Kaiser said was nothing, which turned out to actually be skin cancer, and was removed successfully a couple of days ago.

To finally get to my point, during all of this over the 50 years, the thing that got me through it was having a positive attitude. I did not for one minute let anything get me down, I always dwelled on the good things in my life; playing guitar, then ukulele, consciously keeping connected with family and friends, specifically joining music groups to occupy myself. That's even easier now with all the internet and Zoom live presentations going on. I never got married and have no kids (that I know of) but once I got into my thirties and matured, realizing that time never stops, I resolved to not ever feel lonely or depressed. It's a mind set that you are in control of your reactions to adversity, only you.

Glad to see that you value your connection to this group, keep it up and spread it out more.
Michael Kohan in Los Angeles, Beverly Grove near the Beverly Center
4 tenor thinline cutaway ukes, 3 thinline acoustic bass ukes, 5 solid body bass ukes
•Donate to The Ukulele Kids Club, they provide ukuleles to children in hospital music therapy programs. www.theukc.org
•Member Cali Rose & The CC Strummers: www.youtube.com/user/CCStrummers/video, www.facebook.com/TheCCStrummers
Click to expand...
Mike, thank you. for sharing your story in this way.
I'm not sure I can be so open though perhaps privately I would like to speak w/ you.

I have been insulin dependent diabetic for nearly 40 years and kt's starting to catch me up.
Moreso my mental health issues have defined my adulthood more than the diabetes.
I am a recluse, i don't think i can put it any other way.
b/c of the chronic anxiety and depression i have self medicated for many years,
most of my life. and clearly this hasn't helped my diabetic control.
i came home today, as i said, from detox.
the detox was easy, but what they found in these two weeks - and which had been worrying
the daylights out of me for 3 months previous - is that my body has somehow
developed a resistance to my insulin injections.
my blood sugar readings have been scarily high for months man, and i'm like, wtf is going on?
36 years under 1/2 decent control and now all of a sudden my body can't
absorb insulin anymore.
so yeah, s** scared. thankfully i have an 'urgent' appointment penciled in
at the Royal Hobart Hospital specialist clinic in early October...
meanwhile in the last 10 days the docs have more than doubled both my different insulin dosages. wtf man.

your story is incredible brus. to think you have been through all these myriad, severe health issues
and come this far and still fighting and staying optimistic
and playing music is inspiring to me mate.
i wish, i hope, maybe i pray to have the social energy you do.
and thank you Mike for the very necessary and pointed remark that I am ultimately
the only one who can take control and determine my mental approach to living
life and the effect for better or worse it will have on the life i have yet to live.

i wish you love my man and continued strength.
 
mountain goat said:
all of you who have read my message and commented
(and messaged me), thank you.
truth is, yes i am in a bad place, really the last 18 months,
particularly these last weeks. really it's about my mental health
and my physical health...they seem to inter-relate - w/out going into
overbearing detail, i came home from hospital today after 2 weeks
and just trying to find some solid ground.
i've had no reply from the mods and in a way i think
i'm glad. i don't really want to leave here. sometimes my emotions
and sadness overwhelm me.
my solid ground - a big piece of it - is actually here.
when i go overboard i tend to burn bridges and now, at 50
and really, living as a hermit, i can't afford to burn many more,
especially this bridge here
that keeps me connected to lovely people like you guys and gals.
thank you folks.
love xo
Click to expand...
I’m so glad you’re back. Thanks for letting us all back in. Big hug.
 
Thanks for checking in and giving us an update Jon. I realize that your problems are your business, and it takes a special person to open up even as much as you have, I seriously doubt that there are many of us here that aren't "wrestling with our own alligators" called life. Some are in more of a battle then others.
I'm sincerely sorry that you are in this funk, physically and emotionally. Being so far away there is not much I can offer to do for you but know that I am a good listener. Anytime you need to talk or vent just PM me and I'll be all ears. I consider myself a fair judge of character and have always considered you to be "good people". Hang in there my friend and know that many folks here care and are/were concerned.
Again, thanks for the update.
Best regards,
Joe
 
Joe T said:
Thanks for checking in and giving us an update Jon. I realize that your problems are your business, and it takes a special person to open up even as much as you have, I seriously doubt that there are many of us here that aren't "wrestling with our own alligators" called life. Some are in more of a battle then others.
I'm sincerely sorry that you are in this funk, physically and emotionally. Being so far away there is not much I can offer to do for you but know that I am a good listener. Anytime you need to talk or vent just PM me and I'll be all ears. I consider myself a fair judge of character and have always considered you to be "good people". Hang in there my friend and know that many folks here care and are/were concerned.
Again, thanks for the update.
Best regards,
Joe
Click to expand...
thanks for writing Joe.
i felt a sweet connection to you as well brother,
through the word game thingys. :)
and thank you mate for the invitation to unload,
my arms are open to you in the same way mate.
 
mountain goat said:
Love you Glenn. Take care of you too, brother xo
Click to expand...
Jon,
Reach out anytime. Here or a PM. This is a wonderful place with wonderful people. I have had some quite rocky roads the last 3-4 years myself and this Forum and the people here have had a big part of my climbing up from the bottom.

Kindest regards,

Steve.
 
Stick around, heck yeah! I won't judge you, as long as you don't judge me!

(Oh, go ahead and judge me if you like, I don't mind.)

We love you!
 
Spicysteve said:
Jon,
Reach out anytime. Here or a PM. This is a wonderful place with wonderful people. I have had some quite rocky roads the last 3-4 years myself and this Forum and the people here have had a big part of my climbing up from the bottom.

Kindest regards,

Steve.
Click to expand...
thanks heaps Steve. hope you've come out the other side now brus, and yeah,
have to agree w/ you this place is a safe and saving one for sure. has been to me
coming on 13 years now. peace and love mate
Nickie said:
Stick around, heck yeah! I won't judge you, as long as you don't judge me!

(Oh, go ahead and judge me if you like, I don't mind.)

We love you!
Click to expand...
you crazy cat. judging you'd be like judging Jesus
and i aint up for that! thanks for writing Nickie.
love to you sis xo
 
Patty said:
I’m so glad you’re back. Thanks for letting us all back in. Big hug.
Click to expand...
+100 on this. Thank you so much for checking back in, and for sharing your struggle. We're not there, and that's very tough, but we are all here. Please keep us in, as much as you can. You have had invitations to reach out, and I add my name to the list. I'm new here, but I can also listen. This is a beautiful community of people, regardless of any differences. And I will try to remember to check in with you, too. If I don't, it's 'cause I'm a bit of a fluff, not because I don't care :)
 
I'm glad youre staying! I've always enjoyed your posts. Hoping you feel better soon.
 
Patty said:
I’m worried about mountain goat, you guys. Is anybody in touch, or able to reach him? He’s ----, living in (I believe) -----. This does not sound good to me and I’m afraid that he’s in a bad place. He probably would resent my intruding this way, but I can’t help it.
Click to expand...
Hey Patty, from an internet security standpoint you should go back and edit this post to delete his name and location. Not a huge deal because that info is publicly available etc, but one less website it's on helps.

MG, glad you're sticking around, dude!
 
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