The Raven Colony: Voran's diary

I went down a rabbit hole after watching a nature documentary. I was watching one about the cassowaries of NZ and Australia and went on to read about the old extinct ratites...Oh man. Vorombe titan was upwards of 10 feet tall apparently.

I'm mildly annoyed that these no longer exist.

I would kill to go to a nature reserve and watch a 10ft razorfooted mutant just go about its day. Takes me right back to being 5 and getting excited about dinosaurs haha.
 
I am a giant child. I ordered a cassowary plushie. LOL.

Unsure why I have a mild obsession with them. I think it's that they're one of those role-reversed species where females are dominant but not in the brutal and bloody way of a female black widow spider or mantis. They just dump the eggs on the male and zip off into the forest to live their best life.

Also blue skin and big imposing mohawks. What's not to love?

I got this one...but now I kind of want a collection lol.

 
I am a giant child. I ordered a cassowary plushie. LOL.

Unsure why I have a mild obsession with them. I think it's that they're one of those role-reversed species where females are dominant but not in the brutal and bloody way of a female black widow spider or mantis. They just dump the eggs on the male and zip off into the forest to live their best life.

Also blue skin and big imposing mohawks. What's not to love?

I got this one...but now I kind of want a collection lol.

Cassowarys are proof in my opinion that dinosaurs really were just big birds. They are fascinating.
 
I love them. People demonize them and admitted I would not want to annoy one but...there have been 2 deaths that I know of. One was an old man who stupidly kept one as a pet in a tiny enclosure. The other was a teenage boy who had at the time been beating the bird with a stick. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
 
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

I broke the 900 barrier in rapid chess! YAAAAAAAAAY

Seemed like I was never gonna improve then I gained me 200 ELO!
 
Blergh. Tachycardia at 4 in the morning.

I don't know why. For once I actually haven't drunk Red Bull. But probably the see-moving-object-pounce-on-moving-object hypervigilance needed to play rapid all evening. I'm very much still in battle mode waiting to attack something.

Note to self...if you're going to binge play rapid chess and hype yourself up into a frenzy of aggression do it early in the day lol.
 
Well so much for sleep. I've just taken 40mg of melatonin and it has done absolutely nothing to me.

I've taken it only once before so it's not like I had time to build a tolerance...I'm just resistant to most sleep drugs.
 
I feel rotten. Just completely deflated.

I took part in open mike tonight...and I'd forgotten to eat and halfway through a song my vision blurred and I forgot my lyrics.

I know it's a small thing but sometimes putting small things in perspective is like deadlifting a Boeing.

I just can't stop feeling devastated about it.

PLEASE NO ADVICE. I am not a stranger to that happening and I really don't need well meaning people telling me things I already know. Just wanted to vent.
 
I feel a bit better after binge-playing blitz chess for a few hours. I play 3 minute blitz. It's the fatty junk food of the chess world lol. Very blunderous but fun. I play for amusement not to improve. That's more what longer time controls are for.
 
Oops lol. I've just spent 5 hours binge-playing blitz.

Oh well. Why not. Not everything has to be about hard work and improvement. Sometimes it's okay to play blunderous trash chess for fun.
 
And I binge-played another 3 hours. My nervous system is mush. I am no longer a human being at this point. I am a collection of crude reflexes primed to attack things.

I'll be getting back to serious study with longer time controls soon. Bingeing 3-minute blitz was tons of fun though.
 
I'm watching the movie Dangerous Moves and I kind of regret it. Diva GMs being diva GMs. Stealing each other's pens...having audience members be disruptive...throwing fits...

I can't stand cheap underhand tricks. Chess is supposed to be a battle of wits. Wits. Not much wits required in acting like a giant toddler to get your opponent to tilt. I could probably make someone pretty tilted if I made farting noises, picked my nose at the board and spilled a can of Red Bull everywhere but what's the point. That requires no skill and no effort.
 
I can relate. Last night a neighbor gave me a blueberry pastry from a friend's food truck. I could easily make something similar with a ton of butter, sugar, and salt to spike an eater's dopamine, but that would just be a cheap parlor-trick. The pastry I ate was just the fruit resting on its own merit. It was impressive.
 
God damn it. Now I want a blueberry pastry.
 
Feeling proud of myself and a bit emotionally raw.

I got up to 961 in rapid chess. My goal was to get 1000 ELO by the end of the year and I was expecting to maybe manage it at a push by December. I only have 39 points to go now so I'm really proud of that.

I'm going to take a break for a day or two though because I got carried away fighting over ELO points and now I'm a bit fatigued and my accuracy is dropping. I was lucky to get away with blundering my bishop in my last game.

I've also just been in see-moving-object-pounce-on-moving-object mode a bit too long and it would just be a good idea to relax.

When I do hit the 1000 mark I'm getting myself a nice ring from Etsy to celebrate. I've picked a suitably grandiose one with a dark amethyst :D
 
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