Today's Chuckle

Found It !!
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A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week so he did same tricks over and over.
The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

He started shouting in the middle of the show:
'Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?'

The magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot. They glared at each other but said nothing.

Finally, after a week, the parrot said:
'OK, I give up. Where's the boat?
 
One of my chess player friends and I just got into the weirdest and silliest pissing contest where he blundered his queen on purpose to prove he didn't need one and then I also blundered my queen to prove I didn't need one. This isn't even chess at this point it's just two people being idiots :D
 
Little story about a gig I played years ago.
When I was a senior in high school in 73-74, I was hired by a pretty good local general business group. I replaced their previous trumpeter. The original lineup of the group was all Portuguese, except the drummer. The group did a lot of work in the Portuguese community. I loved those gigs, especially if we got to eat when we did a wedding. Fabulous food and wine.
We got hired to play a gig at a Portuguese Church that had a banquet hall with a nice stage. They had a very famous singer from Brazil who was giving a concert, we were going to play for dancing afterward. We sat in the audience and his band came out. They played a little intro where they would chant his name 3 or 4 times. He burst through the curtain and kind of resembled Tom Jones with one major difference. He was about 3 and a half feet tall. You would have thought Elvis was onstage the way the women in the audience went wild. His name was Nelson Ned, and this guy was really good. He sang primarily in Portuguese. He didn't speak much English. I recall he sang one piece in English. He later had a spiritual epiphany and sang mostly at evangelical events. From what I understand he also sang in Spanish as well.
Your post aroused my curiosity. I found his bio on Wikipedia. Interesting man.
 
👀

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There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call
"The Twilight Zone".

DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO ...
 
I was talking with an old trumpet playing friend recently. He mentioned an old friend of his who is a very fine drummer.
This particular guy studied privately with one of the local drummers in my area. This particular teacher was the best drummer I have ever played with. He was a bit of a jokester and was a bit zany. He was also an incredibly nice guy. Anyway, the student went in for his lesson and things went as they usually did. His teacher asked him what he wanted to do with himself as a musician. He said he wanted to join a band and play in nightclubs etc. This was many years ago and there were a lot of local joints where bands played.
The kid comes in the next week for his lesson and said teacher jumped all over him verbally while he was playing his lesson. Lights up a smelly cigar and starts blowing smoke at him while yelling and taunting him. The lesson ends and his teacher pats him on the back, you did great kid. The student is confused. All you did was yell at me and tell me I stunk etc. Teacher said, you want to play in nightclubs, you're going to run into people like this. You kept your cool and didn't respond. A very valuable lesson.
 
I thought of a joke but it's poorly constructed and needs some editing.

Three words you must say to the special person in your life...

No toilet paper
 

I thought of a joke but it's poorly constructed and needs some editing.

Three words you must say to the special person in your life...

No toilet paper
:ROFLMAO: Once, decades ago, while traveling with my closest friend, I encountered that exact situation (far too late) in a cheap Motel 6 loo. When my buddy (outside the bathroom) followed my yelled order to call the front desk, the clerk’s appallingly unhelpful response was “I can get you a new roll in one hour”.

Suspecting that he’d misquoted the clerk and was viewing my predicament as humorous, I yelled again through the closed door, “The cleaning staff will just have to assume we stole these two washcloths because they’re going straight to the motel lobby’s rubbish bin, wrapped in one of these two clean towels, which would have been your towel, by the way.”

He got the intended message and quickly responded by opening the door just wide enough to pass along two fresh rolls of toilet paper which (as I would later learn) had been stored neatly on a small shelf just outside the bathroom all along.
 
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