Today's Chuckle

Especially on whisk brooms...
Not fussy about the type of broom. It would just be fun to be up at high altitude plus you could annoy people by dropping water balloons into inappropriate places such as weddings and funerals.
 
A Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Smith, a confirmed bachelor for many years.

"Mr. Smith, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.

"Don't bother," replies Mr. Smith, "I've two sisters at home who look after all my needs."

"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife" says the Matchmaker.

"I said two sisters" Smith replied, "I didn't say they were mine."


Happy hour 2-4-1 jokes

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "I'll have five beers please"
 
I agree haha. Someone once made a comment about how I'd make a great wife for their son and I was just devastated. I have no idea how I managed to come across as a brainless submissive who has nothing better to do than clean up after a man.
Maybe they meant that he was a brainless submissive who had nothing better to do than...



Oh, excuse me.
I have to go make dinner for my wife...
 
Maybe they meant that he was a brainless submissive who had nothing better to do than...



Oh, excuse me.
I have to go make dinner for my wife...
IDK it's just when someone says I would make a good wife I cannot help thinking 'what the hell????? Where did I go wrong?'
 
After a night out, Ralph slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep...He awoke before the Pearly Gates...St Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ralph"...Ralph was stunned, "I'm dead...?No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back"...St Peter said, "Hmm, perhaps that could be arranged. It does involves a lot of paperwork though- but sure. Ok You've got two alternatives, you can go back as a fish or as a hen"...Ralph never liked swimming, and thought that perhaps being a hen wouldn't be that bad after all. Walking around pecking at the ground, no stress, and if the local rooster was nice then perhaps it could be a comfortable existence...Ralph replied, "Okay, then I choose to be a hen"...The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground...Shortly after a rooster strolled past."So, you're the new hen, eh...? How's your first day here"?"Not bad" replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. It’s like I'm gonna explode"..."You're ovulating" explained the rooster..."Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before"...?"Never" said Ralph..."Well, just cluck twice and then push"...Ralph clucked twice and pushed, and voila, out popped an egg...Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood for the first time. He then clucked twice, pushed, and out came another egg. His joy was overwhelming...As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout,"Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're sh----ng the bed"...
 
You folks are sick!!😵
 
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